Life's a Journey

Birthday Boy... er young man.

2012-01-25T10:59:00.000-06:00

Today is a special day.
It's my baby's birthday.

Okay, he isn't my baby. He is my firstborn. My preemie. My fighter. My stubborn one. My sensitive boy. My giver. My funny one. (okay, they're both hilarious). My sarcastic child- I wonder where he gets it?

He spent the first 2 months of his life in a plexi-glass box. Helping to grow those tiny lungs. He's always been a bit impatient- felt the need to come into this world 11 weeks early.

Now. He is ELEVEN. How did that happen?

First time holding.. I would find a picture of the isolette, but we have just moved and I can't find my shoes, much less a picture.

He still spends his days confined to a plexi-glass box. In an ice arena. We wouldn't have it any other way.

No one could have told me when I had that tiny 3pounder in my arms that some day I would be watching him skate on the ice week after week after week taking down big kids and little kids in his way. I am not sure I would have dared dream it possible. I was told by some "caring stranger" shortly after we were home from the hospital that he would always be weak.

Thank you for your unsolicited advice, but, I beg to differ. My God is bigger than that.

Happy Birthday, Jackson! You make us so very proud to be your parents! You are a walking, talking, skating miracle. Non-stop talking miracle.

No really, I'm talking, could you just shush for a minute?! Please!? Oh fine, carry on.

Love you, Chuck.

The End

2012-01-17T17:24:00.001-06:00

This is a repost. Today marks one year since my Grandma passed away. Some days I still think that I am going to give her a quick call or stop in for some of her famous St Nick cookies. And then I remember that she's already Home. I miss her here on earth terribly, yet I rejoice in the life that I can't even begine to imagine that she has lived in Heaven this past year. Love you, Grandma Pearl!

You know when you are reading a really good book... and you near the end of it with just a few pages left... and you don't want to finish it? You don't want the book to end despite knowing its going to be great. You just don't want to be not reading that book so you try to draw it out longer?

Maybe that's just me.

This week my Grandma's story was completed.

I knew it was coming and I knew it had to end, but there is still that overwhelming feeling of sadness that it is actually over.
It was a great story, my Grandma's. I've written bits of her story many times in my life. The whole thing is just too much for one book. It's not a story of great riches or thrilling adventures in far away places. It's not a story that boasts of one's life. That's not what made her story great.

Her story was great because it was written by God and it was for God. And she knew it.

There was poverty, death, deceit, and hurt. But there was always HOPE. My Grandma's hope was in the Lord and no matter what was thrown her way, she was steadfast in that faith. If she was going to tell you a story that was about hurts and hardships, it was to prove that God was there with her. When her family didn't know where their next meal would come from, God provided. When her husband passed away unexpectedly on their 25 wedding anniversary, God was there. And that is what she wanted to make sure you knew by the time the story was over. God. Was. There. Always.

Hers is also a story of JOY. She would do just about anything for anyone. She made everyone feel as though they were her favorite. She had a cheerful heart, welcoming people into her home. Sharing baked goodies. Sharing a good story. She loved to help out, that gave her and those around her great joy.

Maicy and Grandma Pearl, Thanksgiving 2009

Jackson and Grandma Pearl, Thanksgiving 2009

God made her story great. Her story was written for God.
And as I write, I know the truth.
This earthly story is just a prologue. Her real story is just beginning.

I love you Grandma. You will be greatly missed, but the stories which you have woven into my heart and the memories will be with me.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Linking up with Michelle De Rusha at Graceful and Jen and the beautiful gals of Soli De Gloria

Oh...what's that you say? I write?!

2012-01-09T19:37:00.000-06:00

It seems as though have completely forgotten that I have a blog! Okay, I haven't forgotten exactly, I have just been... well.... avoiding it. Not for any particular reason. Mostly lots of little reasons that make up a good enough excuse for me to stay away from pretty much all blogs in general. However, I miss it. I miss my friends that I only know because of this blog and theirs. So, I am getting my feet wet once again and going to hopefully be around more often.

I will start off the year (I do not care that it is already January 9! The year is just beginning!) Anyways, I can't begin at this time and not look back at 2011. I started off by writing about my ONE WORD for the year. I chose STORY for my year.Feel free to re-fresh your memory...I'll wait. I had no clue what God had in store for my story in this year. I just knew that without a doubt, this was the word He wanted me to keep in my head. And then... just 2 days later I found out what His purpose was in that one word. Enter in: Charlie Brown. Go ahead and refresh your memory on that one. I just did and oh. My. It all came back to me like a tidal wave. I had no idea writing out those words declaring my absolute trust in God to protect and guard our hearts, just how much my faith would be tested. Of course, as I wrote those, I think I felt pretty confident that it would go MY way. Oh. What a difference a year can make.

I shared in June that Charlie Brown would be returning to his mother in August. I don't know if I ever mentioned that we would know more in November after the review. This update is looonggg overdue as it is no longer November. And yes, that IS in fact the last time I posted. And if you want to get all Freud on me and discuss whether or not our November court date had anything to do with me not posting since that time, well, you just do what you need to. I told myself over and over and over that I knew it was coming and therefore no. big. deal. So. Anyways. After feeling like my life was on hold for 6 months and that I was holding my breath waiting for what I was told would be a permanency hearing, it was clear that Charlie Brown would stay with his mother. Court was just a review to see how she was doing. I wasn't shaken or shocked. Nothing changed.

Except that I could breathe. Sometimes just knowing makes the hard road easier.

He continued to be faithful. He continued to protect my heart. He protected my children. He held us close.
He not only held us, but he opened our eyes prior to the court hearing. He showed me so that I wouldn't be caught off guard. Because He is good and faithful, I can share my story. And it is a good story. How could it not be? God is a good author.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long

Still Praising my Savior.... for it is HIS story...

Linking up with Michelle and Jen once again...

More than a Choice

2011-10-31T23:09:00.000-05:00

I feel that some things need to be said and while the words may never be heard by the ones I have on my heart as I write them, but they need to be laid out just the same. Maybe it can help someone. Anyone.

Young people all around are hurting and my heart is heavy with their pain.

Every day we, as people, make hundreds of choices.

Sometimes you don't realize you are even making them. Other times it seems as though you agonize for a long time over what to choose. Many times, you make choices that don't seem to affect the rest of your days, weeks, months or even years. It was just another one of many choices. No big deal.

But there are times when we see the immediate effect of that choice- good or bad. And you deal with what is left afterwards.

And sometimes you feel as though the choices you have made are going to pull you under completely.

One after another.

The effects are on going and not for the way you had hoped.

Your world seems hopeless and you don't want to face another day.

You fear you have hurt those close to you one too many times and that they don't want to deal with your problems anymore.
You fear you can't go home.
Why would they want you there anyways?

Friends have desserted you.
Mocked you.
Shamed you.

The whispers as you walk into a room.
The knowing looks from those who you pass.

You hear the names.

Failure.
Loser.
Slut.
Addict.
Worthless.

Words that cut. Words that hurt. Words that cannot define you. Words that you were never meant to carry the way you do.

You are not those words.

You are not the choices you have made.

You are not a mistake.

~~Failure.~~ Chosen

~~Loser.~~ Loved
~~Slut.~~ Pure
~~Addict.~~ Free
~~Worthless~~. Cherished

I know that to your hearts it sounds cliche, but you really are chosen, cherished, loved by God. And by so many around you. If you look, you will see more people who love you then scoffers. They are just a few.

God didn't make a mistake.
He really does love you so much that he sent his Son to take over your debts.

Yes. YOU.

It can get better. It WILL get better. This is just one moment in time.

Today, I know so many are hurting. It is my prayer that you can see that YOU are loved and cherished. And YES! YOU! are worth dying for.

And if someone you love is hurting... tell them you love them. No matter what.

Joining Michelle and Jen today....

An Almost Sleepover Experience

2011-10-25T20:37:00.000-05:00

Last April Amy Sullivan shared information about an Almost Sleepover idea started by 2 girls from Connecticut. They had their first almost sleepover last October and loved it so much that they wanted to know if other kids would want to do it too... all around the country.

So together with 32 other states, we joined in for the night of young girls learning how they too can make a big difference!

Since October is a long ways from April and life got in the way, I downsized a lot from my original ideas. At first I was discouraged, but Amy was great to remind me that even if it's just us and our girls, we are showing them that even one matters. We are still doing something for someone else and that is what its all about.

So, we had the girls in Miss Maicy's class over for 3 hours of PJ wearing junk food eating, blanket making, crazy dancing, donation collecting fun!

The take-home treats Maicy had fun making the week ahead.

Girls with their things. We collected detergent, bottles, diapers, garbage bags, socks, underwear, cleaners, sippy cups for Mid Sioux's Teddy Bear Den.

The girls also made 3 fleece blankets to give to our local DHS workers to give to kids who often are unable to take anything from their own homes when they are removed.

Goofy girls!

7 hands makes light work. :)

Thanks to Laurie Kinney and her great girls, Delaney and Addy, for teaching our girls that you are never too young to make a difference! See you again next year!!

Strong Enough

2011-10-05T13:22:00.001-05:00

Every once in awhile I cry out to God, on my knees. Begging, pleading for Him to show me answers.

And every once in awhile, He does just that.

As I drove home from a meeting with Charlie Brown's mom and yet another caseworker, I cried out to Him. The God of the universe. I needed for Him to show me HOW could I possibly make a difference in such a corrupt messed up system. How can the children stand a chance when we are in a major budget pitfall in the state? How can I make a difference as just one person when the state continues to slash social workers jobs, putting on hiring freezes while the case loads grow heavier for them every single day. How can I do anything when attorneys are being forced to cut time spent on cases because no one wants to pay them to do their job.

HOW GOD?!

Nothing in this world makes me feel as small and insignificant as the government at work. I will be the first to admit, I do not follow politics. I do not write my governors, senators, representatives or even town council. So what can I possibly do? I feel helpless God.

No sooner had I gotten the words out of my mouth, with tears streaming down my face as I drive home, then the song "Strong Enough to Save" by Tenth Avenue North came on.
"Strong Enough To Save"
You fought
but you were just too weak
so you lost
all the things you try to keep
now you're on your knees, you're on your knees

But wait,
everything can change,
in a moments time you don't have to be afraid,
cause fear is just a lie
open up your eyes

And he'll break
open the skies to save
those who cry out his name
the One the wind and waves obey
is strong enough to save you
Look
now is not too late
lift up your head
let the rain fall on your face
you're not far from grace, your not too far from grace
And he'll break
open the skies to save
those who cry out his name
the One the wind and waves obey
is strong enough to save you

I know the weight of this world can take you down like gravity and I know the current of yourself can take you out, out to sea but hold on, hold on

I have fought, and yes, I am too weak. But God.
God is strong enough to save.
Even the wind and waves obey Him.
His will be done.

Building Character

2011-09-19T13:26:00.000-05:00

Two toddlers run around. One carefully checking out where the next move should be.
The other running carefree. They collide. The careful one is instantly in tears thinking his life is over from that horrible "crash". The other oblivious and keeps on playing. Crashes are just a part of her day after all.

This is the image that goes through my head as the pastor talks about suffering building character. Resiliance.
Paul talks in Romans about rejoicing in our suffering.

I don't think either child rejoiced about getting hurt, but one didn't let it stop her. It's happened before and she knows she'll be okay. Perhaps she turned to her mom to look for reassurance, and when she received a smile, she knew. All is well.

The hurt child doesn't know this feeling and doesn't like it. I am sure he too ran to his parent. Crying out for her to make it all better all the while wondering how on earth she could let this happen to him! Why would his mom let him get hurt?

Was the mom a bad mom? Was she mean?

No, but she knew he would be okay. She maybe did allow it to happen, but she knew he would watch out next time. Or maybe he would learn to not be so scared, to know that bumps and bruises will happen, but they won't be the end of us.

Is God a mean God because He allows us to get hurt?
Or does He simply wait for us to learn from our hurts. To look to Him to know that it's going to be okay and it will not be the end of us. It may feel like it will be, but it won't.

Because we have hope.

A hope in Christ that no one can take away.
A hope that comes from us being so low we need to look up and ahead.

Not only so, but wealso glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4

How is God instilling HOPE in you today?

Linking up Michelle De Rusha for Hear it, Use it. A great communitiy of faith writers- you really should check it out! :)

Do Something

2011-09-08T23:51:00.000-05:00

This week I have had the choices to make.
Choice 1- feel sorry for myself - miserable, but does allow for extra chocolate consumption which I usually see as a perk
or
Choice 2- Do Something- listening to the people God put in my way- sometimes quite literally IN. MY. WAY.- and find that passion back that drove me to this journey of foster-adoption.

Since God has put people so literally IN MY WAY of feeling sorry for myself, I chose option 2. But don't worry, I still found reason to eat chocolate.

On Tuesday I had the pleasure of listening to one of the most amazing women I have met, share her story. Margot was here in Iowa speaking about Compassion Int'l at a college chapel. I was there volunteering to help at the Compassion booth. I really had no idea what to expect. After all, I only became a child sponsor last fall..Margot Starbuck is a woman who radiates so much joy and enthusiasm for life that you can't imagine she's ever had a bad day in her entire life. But the truth is, she has had many bad days and really if anyone could have justifiably made the choice to feel sorry for herself, it is Margot. Instead, she takes all she has been dealt and makes it her passion to tell others how much God loves them. Each. One. YOU. Compassion has allowed her to tell many children how much God loves them and that He really is for them . Not only through her sponsored children, but the audiences she speaks to and to anyone she meets on the street. And in the short time I got to know her, I am pretty sure that she really will stop you on the street just to make sure you know that true joy!

Hearing her passion for Compassion, got me to thinking about why I became a sponsor. And remembering that, also helped to refuel my energy to help children and stop feeling sorry for me.

Last year around October I believe, fellow blogger and friend, Duane Scott participated in Compassion Thursdays- highlighting a child in need of a sponsor. Honestly, I was going to breeze past it. I have heard of Compassion and thought about it, but I figured, hey, I am a foster parent for crying out loud, I am trying to do my part to help kids. I figured this was for other people and I left it alone. But God didn't leave it alone.

So, why won't you sponsor a child?
      Well, God, you laid it on my heart to help the children. So I signed up to be a foster adoptive parent. So far, that isn't exactly going well.

So, you'll only help the children who can come to you?
    Well, uh, no... but if this is all you wanted me to do, why would I go through this whole other process?? It makes no sense why you lay one thing on my heart and now tell me to do another!

Is adoption only about the child's need?
    Well, no. I guess it is also about me filling my desire to have more children...

So, you don't want to do this because you won't get anything in return?
      When you put it that way... it does sound like that.

Trust. Me.

And so I did. I knew that God was telling me to step outside my wants and my desires and reminding me that when I say I am here for His children, that I need to be there no matter what.Whether I gain from it or never see any personal change, I had to DO SOMETHING. And I did see change. After I trusted God. After I obeyed Him and acted on His call to help His children, not only was I blessed to have Charlie Brown come into our lives, we were also blessed by an adorable boy named Riski in Indonesia. Blessed by the fact that he and his parents pray for all of my family and loves my children as though they are indeed siblings. Blessed by knowing how little I do for him makes such a huge impact in his daily life. Blessed in being able to share with this child that God is For Him. Blessed in him telling us the same thing.

But it isn't enough. I need to do something! There is work to be done. There is much need for orphans and poor. Whether here in the U.S. or overseas in a poverty stricken country. We are Christians and we are called to DO. Not just a little. Not our extra. But to give of ourselves- give until it hurts. Not just financially, but give up ourselves.

The other person I listened to this week was via a link that was sent from our foster support group leader. This video is taken from the Adopting for Life Conference back in 2010. David Platt is a pastor, author, and adoptive parent. The video is almost an hour long, but I promise you, it is worth your time. http://comission.org/resources/?id=1469 I couldn't find the code to put the video on here, so you will need to follow the link. If you have ever considered fostering, adoption, child sponsorship, you need to watch this. And if you have never considered any of those things, you need to watch this. He spoke to so many of my emotions in such a powerful way. He really got me in the beginning when he said how we sometimes wish God would just take those longings away that He put there. If nothing is going to happen anyways, why do you want us to feel this way, God? I don't know how many times I have been on my knees saying those exact same words to God.

God is sovereign. There are no coincidences. He has it all planned out. Will you listen to His call, even when it hurts?

My Grace is Enough

2011-08-23T11:26:00.000-05:00

In the past 6 weeks or so- after dealing with Jonah- there has been a very consistent theme running through worship. No matter what church I was in- even one starting the umpteenth Jonah sermon I had heard in a few weeks time!- the theme was there. Grace. God's grace. His grace is enough for me.

You may think that as I walked this dark journey that was my summer, that that would have offered up peace to my trembling soul.

I am embarrassed to report- it did not.

I questioned God asking if His grace really truly was enough.

Rather than finding His grace I felt bombarded. Like someone has been adding weight to my chest daily (not in the way I had hoped in middle school either- ahem).Then being pelted by enemy fire. Trying to dodge it, but feeling to pulled down to move. I felt like I was in a deep fog, unable to see the joy in what was my world. I was drowning in misery. I had no hope.

Even just this morning, I sat at home- the house empty as I brought the kids to school. I am won't lie- I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Then something changed as I chose to use this quiet time to catch up with the blogging friends I have missed so much.

Grace.

Yes, His grace has been there all along.

In the smiling faces at the zoo:

The crazy looks I get from my son... God love him. :)

My children and I conquering fears of ferris wheels... or not (pretty sure she's looking off to the side to make sure we won't fall... )

Kids feeling as though they can jump to the moon...

Coasting over the tree tops at the Iowa State Fair. This was her greatest joy of the week.

There is grace in the everyday. Their is joy around. Yes, sometimes it feels as though the world is caving in around us and we are being trapped alive. But there is always grace, if we seek Him.

Choosing to find grace and linking up with Michele and Jen...

I know

2011-08-12T12:25:00.000-05:00

I know I need to update this, but I really don't know what to say.

Yesterday Charlie Brown was picked up from our home and taken to live with his mother. He has never had a visit with her that I was not present for. He has never in the course of 7 months spent more than a few hours away from me. I can count on one hand the number of times that it wasn't me who put him to bed at night. He has only ever had one whole night without me, and that was within the first month of his being here.

And yes, I knew it was coming. I knew that at 1:00 that car would pull up to take him to her in a residential facility. Knowing does not actually prepare you for it happening.

Today my arms are empty. The baby monitor is turned off. The car seat removed from my car. The bottles are put away along with the diapers. There are no toys scattered all over my living room floor. No random little baby socks among the couch cushions. The contagious laughter that was his is missing. The million dollar dimples remain only in pictures.

Doors slam as kids go in and out, and I want to stop them because the baby is sleeping... then I remember.

Knowing all of this is coming does not stop the pain. It does not stop the tears that can't stop flowing. None of the Bible verses and nice sayings and thoughtful messages ease the emptiness in my heart right now.

I do know that it will eventually get better. I know that I will see him again in two weeks to take him for a medical appointment. I know that there are people far worse off than me. I know that I signed up for this. I know that because of God and His great goodness I will get through this. I know that Charlie Brown is safe. I know that she loves him and cares for him.

But for now, I grieve the empty quiet place that I am left with.

Jonah's Anger

2011-07-18T22:52:00.000-05:00

Our pastor has been spending some time in the minor prophets of the Bible for the last several weeks. Actually at both our “summer” church and our regular church we have been studying these. I love to see how that happens sometimes. And while the minor prophets always intrigue me a bit, I love to see how God uses the insignificant, you know, I really wasn’t expecting to get what I did from Jonah’s story.

We all know this one- Jonah fleeing, the storm at sea, swallowed by a great fish, then he listens. And that in all honesty is usually where I always stopped. I never paid much attention to Jonah 4. Well, it has my attention now.

For those of you like me- here is a recap. Jonah goes into Ninevah and warns the people that God is telling them that they have to repent and change their ways. They have 40 days and then God will bring his wrath upon them. Well, surprise surprise, the awful, horrible, no good, very bad, mean , evil Ninevites surprised everyone- especially Jonah, and repented! So, God was moved so much and happy with them, He changed His mind and had mercy on them. He spared them.

And Jonah, who should have been jumping up and down with delight because the people heard the message that he himself delivered from God, pouted. He was ticked. Really God? You are going to spare them? Them. Seriously? Do you KNOW what they DID?? Have you forgotten? Hmm… Jonah. What about you? Did you not that many weeks ago disobey me and run in the entire opposite direction of where I told you to go? Did you openly accept my grace and mercy? Why is my Grace only meant for YOU? I am here for the sinners.

At first, I sat there pointing my finger, pashawing Jonah from my comfy chair in church. Then God turned my pointy finger right back at me. You, Alicia? Really? Why do you think that my grace is only meant for you? You pray for Charlie Brown’s mom. You say you want her to heal and make it. You say you want her to know Me. Yet, when it looks to you like she is going to “win,” you sit there and pout. Except you won’t openly admit how very mad at me you really are. At least Jonah yelled at me. You hide in the shadows and have one foot pointed in the direction I told you NOT to go. I haven’t forgotten you. I have given you grace. I gave Jonah a vine to shade himself, and he let it die. I give you a support system and a church and friends to help you, and you run the other way so you don’t have to face them. Don’t let your vine wither away, too.

Bottom line, God IS in control. No matter how He wants it played out, that is how it will happen. He has His reasons. I don’t know why or how. I can’t stomp and pout just because it didn’t go how I thought it should. Doesn’t mean I won’t let Him know how I feel once in awhile. And yes, it really did take this sermon for me to realize how very angry I am. I feel the wall going up around my heart. Brick by brick I know I am allowing the devil to pull me away. I don’t want to feel anything because to do so, could cause me to crumble completely . And yes, even as I write that, I know that that is precisely where God will make Himself known to me and use me.

Linking up with Michelle and Jen

A note from Charlie Brown...

2011-07-12T21:00:00.002-05:00

Good Grief.

I can't believe it's been a month since this blog has been written on!

I need to interject here, since my favorite foster mama doesn't seem to take the time.

Things are going well. We are enjoying this beautiful summer weather- I especially like to be outside in the grass or swinging or going for stroller rides or watching Jackson and Maicy have water balloon fights or hanging out at the pool. Did I mention I love summer?!

I also love to eat and travel, things we seem to do an awful lot of. It seems like I am always myself in the mirror on the back of the seat.

We visit my other mom, she seems nice too.

I hear I am going to spend some time with her soon.

I think that I will be sad to leave my family here- these kids really are lots of fun to hang out with! But, one thing they keep on teaching me here is that Jesus Loves Me and He will watch over me wherever I go. And that we get to visit each other soon.

I don't know who I am going to live with forever yet, will you pray for me in that regard?

I love my family here an awful lot, and they love me an awful lot too.

But I know my mommy loves me and misses me too.

That's why I am glad I don't have to decide. God is the supreme judge and so He gets to decide.

Oh here, my FFMama has something to add... Good Grief.

I am sorry for disappearing. We are busy enjoying summer and working through a lot of stuff here.

I have tried to at least stop by and read other blogs, but blogger is not being kind and I can't leave comments. I hope to get this situation resolved soon! I don't know if it's my computer or if it is Blogger, but it is frustrating just the same.

I will be back soon, but Charlie Brown had some stuff to say first. :)

Hope you are all having an awesome summer!

Linking up with Jen and the Soli Sisters...

Laying Isaac Down

2011-06-13T00:00:00.001-05:00

A few weeks back I was reading some of the link up's to Michelle's Hear it on Sunday linky party and I came across Deidra at Jumping Tandem. She wrote of the story of Abraham and Isaac and how Abraham did not argue with God. He took his son WHOM HE LOVED and was prepared to take his own knife to him, because God commanded it. And much like Deidra, I want the rest of this story. I want details here. I want to know if Abraham was sobbing uncontrollably. Was he stoic instead? Did he sleep that night before? Instead all we get is "God will provide the lamb" to his obviously confused son. Steadfast faith is evident.

This post has stuck with me since reading it. Nagging me. So I read and re-read in many different translations the story of Abraham and Isaac. I have been bothered and not wanting to talk about it because I know what God is telling me. We have to lay our "Isaac" down. we need to bring this son whom we love and present him before God, and God alone. We are being called to act out our faith, no matter how painful and bring Charlie Brown before God and trust that the Lord will provide.

This has been killing me for weeks. To think of giving him back to a shaky situation at best has my stomach in knots. I haven't wanted to talk about it, because saying it out loud makes it too real. And there is always the hope that I am wrong, oh what a blessing it is to be wrong sometimes!
After struggling with this inner turmoil for so long, last night I finally found my peace.
Re-reading this passage again, I know what God is calling me to do.

TRUST.

Not in the "okay Lord I trust you so lets go ahead and do this my way now" kind of trust that I seem to fall into so very easily. But that undenying "God this is your child, he is yours, I give him to you fully without any conditions because I know that you love him and I will still praise you" trust.

The Lord will provide. He will provide a safe home for this sweet baby. My prayer is still that that will be our home, but without knowing even that, I need to say "Here he is Lord, this son whom I love. I give him fully to you."

And, because the lack of details in Abrahams story are so frustrating to me, I will share with you this. It is with deep anguish and despair. Gut wrenching sick feelings. The tears flow and I try to cling. I move in slow motion as to not rush to the day when we are called up. I pray for this son. I pray that he is not hurt and can have his life without unnecessary pain. I yearn for it to be different, but cannot deny what my God has asked. And I know that He will provide.

I now have to mention that I wrote this over a week ago and was unable to publish it at that time. I knew I wasn't ready. This past week we have learned that these feelings were right. As sad as this makes us, we have peace that can only come from above. I know that when the day actually comes- 6 weeks or so, we will mourn, but today, we enjoy our little man and praise God for the gift of his light in our life these past 6 months.

Hiding

2011-05-30T04:00:00.006-05:00

The thoughts rush through my head and I try to ignore them.
The what ifs. The sick feelings. The check lists. The statistics.

I lay awake with worry. I walk around with a pit in my stomach.

I know I need to open the Word.

I know I need to go to my Father and lay it all out before Him.

But I don't. I can't.

I send up a short plea and stop short. All I've managed to cry is "help" In a teeny tiny voice. And then I run so I don't have to hear His reply. Even if it was to comfort me. It is a risk I am not willing to take. So I suffer some more.

I refuse to read blogs- they hit me in the face with the Truth and right now, I just don't want to hear it.
I don't pray because I am unable to say "Your will be done." I want to say "let me have my way" and since I know I can't do that, I hide.

A friend pulls on me. Nagging me with prayers and scripture. She keeps trying to shine a light in my dark hiding place. Talk about annoying.

Finally, I cave a little. I open my "go to" devotional book- Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I have read it all before, but each day is different. I open the book to the day.
"The world is too much with you, my child ...Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you"

And I thank Him for loving friends who care enough to come in to my dark place with annoying flashlights. For the flick of the lightswitch chasing away the darkness. And pour out my heart to Him so He can carry me.

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

De Klompen and the Tulips

2011-05-25T04:00:00.001-05:00

Last week it was the wonderous time of year again where the entire town seems to shut down and we all swap our Nikes for wooden clogs and long dresses. Except for the boys- they switch to short pants. Knickers.

We eat too much, we laugh, we get ~~grumpy and impatient and snap at each other~~ tired and worn down but still treat each other with love and kindess.

"smile or you won't get to eat a funnel cake! "

This week I am worn out and the crazy hasn't quit yet, so this will most likely be the only blogging I do.

In the mean time, just enjoy some pics of our crazy Dutch traditions and please, head on over to my friend Diane Estrella who is using my poor boy's picture of misery as a MicroFiction muse. I can't wait to see what creativity she comes up with :)

Hockey teams in the parade!

My girl is the tall one... of course :)

Blowing off some steam at the carnival..

Benefits of a cold spring- perfect Tulips everywhere!

Jackson is having SO much fun!

Attempting to dodge a kiss from Aunties...

She asked me Why...

2011-05-17T11:22:00.001-05:00

At our last visit with Charlie Brown's mom, she did the inevitable. She looked me square in the eye and asked why I decided to become a foster parent.

It isn't a ridiculous question, and I am asked it quite often. But it is a hard question to answer when it comes from the parent of the child in your home- especially when you are in the Foster to Adopt program. Not just any old Foster parent program. It's hard to answer and say "because I want to be a forever family to a child in need whose parents can no longer take adequate care of them" Hmmm.... I know her well enough to know that would not have gone well. So I gave the same answer I do when I'm uncomfortable and don't know what to say- I cracked a joke and brushed it off. Something about being legally insane to willingly get involved with DHS and court systems and the state of Iowa. Not altogether a lie, but definitely avoiding the truth.

Unfortunately God wouldn't let it rest. That answer was not good enough for Him. While I didn't appreciate the nudging, I do appreciate that He knows me enough to know that if I am going to be honest, I need to do this via letter. So I did.
Here is my answer to her:

And then, the million dollar question. Why did we become foster parents? I know I avoided answering, and it isn’t always an easy answer for me, but I feel as though I owe you the real answer. I have very personal reasons for doing this and honestly my answer has changed in the 3 years since we began. I was very blessed to give birth to two of my own kids, however that was a miracle in and of itself and after those two, I could not have anymore. I knew I wanted more kids and adoption has been on my heart since I was young, because I never thought I would be able to have any of my own kids. We looked at a lot of options and I prayed about it a LOT. We very definitely felt God calling us to look at the waiting kids here in the US. So, we took our classes and got our license and then we waited. We have done a lot of waiting. Yes, my first selfish reason for doing this whole process was to be able to adopt kids for our family. However, after being in this system for a few years, God has shown me the reasons He brought us to this point. I know that I may never add any of our kids to our home forever. We may never be a forever family. And that is okay. We are able to be there for children who need us. We can offer them safety, stability and love when their world is turned upside down. I am seeing how corrupt the foster system can be- families who have no business taking care of anyone else’s kids. People who don’t offer love, but wait instead for a check. My heart is for these kids. Kids bounced around from one place to another. Kids being treated like a burden rather than a joy. And that is why I am here. That is why I renew our license and put up with the state’s crap. I love kids, I love taking care of kids. Are we the perfect home? Not a chance. I have failed placements in my home. I had to see my limitations and have them transferred. But I am here to try. I am doing what I can. A small thing in a big world that needs a lot.

I just can’t be the person grumbling about the foster care system or feeling so sad for kids who need a place and not do anything about it. So, you may worry that my goal is to keep your son, but that is not my goal. My goal is to help him for a time in his life when he needs it. Has he stolen my heart? Most definitely! Look at him, how could he not?! My desire is for Charlie Brown to have the best life he can possibly have and to know at all times that he is loved. No matter where he is. And that is the honest truth.

Okay, this was probably more information than you wanted, but like I said, I feel as though I owe you the full truth. I do also hold to my original answer: you must first be crazy, or it just won’t work in this system.

I will find out Wednesday what she thinks of my honesty...

James 1:27- Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress
John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you

Linking up with Jen and Michelle today...

Thank You Blogger.

2011-05-13T13:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's post has gone completley missing. I can find it nowhere. Thank you blogger for all of your help. I really appreciate it. Nope really, I appreciate it because now my mind is made up.

I will be switching to Wordpress soon.

Pleastly Disturbed

2011-05-12T12:18:00.000-05:00

I don't know if y'all have had the distinct pleasure of "meeting" Duane Scott, but if you haven't, you should.
The guy is too wise for his years and also a bit off the wall at times, which fits right into my kind of read. Every so often, as the spirit moves him- which really, is the only way to go when talking about being disturbed- you can't try to schedule that, he hosts a Pleasantly Disturbed Linky Carnival. This is that day. And after many times of laughing and nodding, I am FINALLY joining in.

I realize that this should have happened long ago as I am so obviously disturbed to those who really know me, but it seems I never was at the right time. Thankfully however, I spent approximately 6 hours or more in the car with 3 kids this week and they filled me up with more than enough material. Which is also followed by a sad part. I can only remember ONE thing from the entire weekend that I wanted to tell y'all! And the fact that after 3 days, THIS is what sticks with me probably says a lot about me and my mental capacity.

Yup, she's ALL mine! :)

So, we are driving along the familiar highway to Nebraska, munching on McD's drive thru as usual. I was busy dodging orange cones and crazy drivers- I was NOT the crazy driver eating and getting 3 kids fed, I promise. And from the backseat my dear 8 year old pipes up "look mom, this chicken lost his nuggets!"
I'm sorry, what?

She had eaten all the breading off her chicken nugget and held up a less than appealing looking wad of chicken chunk. Evidently the nuggets are the outside.
And I may never eat a chicken nugget again. Or I might just ask if he has his nuggets first...

How to Help Alabama

2011-05-05T09:21:00.000-05:00

As we all know, last week in the midst of Royal Wedding fever and before they killed Bin Laden, the southern half of our country was ravaged by tornadoes. And unfortunately, all that other stuff seems to have over shadowed the turmoil that is going on in Alabama and other states.

I am bothered by the lack of attention and know that that means less help for the people. So, I will do my own small part here and share a few ways that you can help. Bloggie friend Rachel at Grasping for Objectivity is in Alabama and while grateful her family is safe, wants to help her torn apart state. One way is Christian Service Mission which has an Amazon wish list . I know I struggle with which organization to send money to and want to know what that money is going to be used for. Well, with this option you get to decide. The ship to address is already attatched to the list. All you have to do is follow the link and place an order for as little or as much as you'd like.

Go ahead and check out Rachel's site, as she lists some other ways you can help via Twitter and Facebook.

Don't feel pressure to help either, I just wanted to offer some options for those of us who feel helpless far away but still want to do SOMETHING. And of course, prayers will always be a blessing.

As I wait

2011-05-02T11:14:00.001-05:00

I sit here in the local library at a table. Alone.
The baby I have loved for the last 3.5 months is in another room. With Her. This is the first they have seen each other in those three and a half months. Not since that blustery January day has she held him in her arms.

And I weep for him. For her. And for me.

My mama heart is torn.

As a mom I can't imagine my child being taken from me. I also can't imagine doing things so horrible that my child has to be removed.

But I am a sinner. I know that my sins are no less then hers.
I know that God loves her no less then me.
I fear for the unknown. My heart pounds in my chest at the possibilities that lie ahead of us.
I reach for my Bible and seek comfort. I open my daily devotional for some encouragement. I chuckle at God's timeliness despite my groan at seeing that verse.

Some ask how we do it? How do we love that boy with so many questions and no guarantees? How can we hope for something that may cause someone else such heartbreak?
Because of what I know. What my Father tells me.
I know that God loves that round headed baby boy even more than either one of us mamas could.
And that is how I do this.

It is HIS power, because left to my own, I would be on the next bus out of here.

"though it tarries, wait for it... " Habakkuk 2:3

Linking up with Michele as I try to Use It this Monday....

*I have been using the Disqus comment system, which I enjoy, because it allows me to reply directly to your comments. However, I am having some technical issues and occassionally it goes to Blogger comments. I think if you wait for the page to fully load, the disqus comments will be available. Otherwise I lose your comments, which makes me sad. :)

And it's finally happened...

2011-04-29T09:55:00.000-05:00

...I am officially an embarrassment to my son and need to fade into the background like wallpaper.

I sat in my car, dropping this boy who shares my DNA, the boy who kept me hospitalized for a week hanging upside down before he came into this world. This boy who I did all I could to make sure he was well taken care of for 8 weeks in the NICU, this boy who made me relocate for those 2 months, this boy who I have given life to, yeah that one. Anyways, I dropped him off at yet another activity which I had 2 hours notice that it was actually something different then I thought and well, I need BAIT mom. Fishing BAIT. WHA????? Where in tarnation am I supposed to find that now?! I simply asked him to check with the grown ups if it was all good that his mom was a big airhead and didn't know they were doing this and the fact that he is there on time not knowing that he had to be an hour earlier until I learned he needed bait is really impressive enough on its own... and as I waited for him to go and report back to me... he... he... SNUBBED me! He ended up finding his friends and I gave him the hands up like "Well...?" and he waved me off. Not like a 'bye mom! the one who put her life on hold for me, the one who does my laundry and cooks my food and cleans my room and spends her winters inside hockey arenas and driving all over on icy roads so I can spend an hour on the ice'... No. It was a "shoo fly, don't bother me" kind of brush off. OUCH.

WHY does she keep speaking??

I knew the day would come. And it isn't cool.
But, I do have a secret to getting through this unfortunate phase.

Because I know that on Sunday, after all the eggs had been found, the clay pigeons shot (what? you don't all shoot on Easter Sunday???) and all the family gone... my baby boy laid on the couch next to me and laid his head on my shoulder and napped.

Yeah, the little butthead is still my sweet little man... just don't tell his friends. :)

Fear Not

2011-04-26T23:26:00.000-05:00

Fear.
It gets a grip on us and sometimes just doesn't let go. Okay, it gets a grip on me.
And I don't do well with voicing my fear. Mostly because I don't always realize that it is fear. But these last few days and weeks I have held in an awful lot of fear.
And what disturbs me the most about my fear, is that it is stemming from a lack of trust. In God. And that hurts me to my very core to admit. I didn't realize it, or *ahem* admit it...

What clued me in? My prayers were going a little something like this... "Please God, we pray for Charlie Brown and that he knows you love him. Watch over his mom and help her to get well (after its too late). Lord, if it be your will, (Lordpleaseletthisbeyourwill)... Do what is best for Charlie Brown (which clearly is to be in our stable home) I know that you love him even more than we can and you won't let him be hurt (except for when you allow those growing moments through tragedy and I am so not wanting that, I read Covenant Child, God. That is NOT what I have in mind here....)

Not very pleasant to look at. And not very pleasant for Him to hear.

Sunday morning I expected to know the story. It was Easter after all.
Do not be afraid!
Fear not!
Do not be afraid!
Why are you scared?

Sound familiar?
Every time an angel appeared in the Bible they had to start this way. In ancient times people were afraid of what they didn't understand. Today we aren't much different.
The problem is that we seem to feed off of our fears. Scary movies, imagining worst possible scenarios, crime shows. We seem to be addicted to fear.

So when we are told to FEAR NOT, of course its hard to listen to this.
But, we are not simply told to not be afraid.

John 3:16 "For God so loved ME, that He sent his one and only son, so that I may live and have eternal life!"

If my God would do that for me, how can I not trust Him with every part of my life.

I know that God will not promise me that Charlie Brown will be here forever. I know that He won't promise that we may hurt. I know that He won't promise that CB's mom won't hurt. I don't even know if Charlie Brown will be able to have a life away from the evil that landed him here.
What I do know is that God will be with him. God will hold me, my children, my husband, and Charlie Brown. He will be the same God that sent His son over 2000 years ago.
Why should I fear?

Linking up a little late with Michelle,

And Jen,

Satisfied

2011-04-20T10:17:00.000-05:00

It is almost Easter, which means, Lent is nearing the end. And I should probably see where I am at in that.

In March I made the decision to give up shopping for myself and my house. While I have done okay in this, I bought no clothing or accessories for myself, I have noticed a few stages in giving something up.

Stage 1: Excitement and Dread- I wanted to do this so badly and was excited at what I may learn. And I was also terrified thinking I was crazy and could not do it.

Stage 2: Encouragment- Once I began the process and had accountability and encouragement, I was doing well. I was encouraged by all of you and by God to keep going.

Stage 3: Justification- I wanted to justify every single time I was at a store. "but God, I didn't say I would not buy this... or that... or but I have been looking for this for a long time... its so cheap, does it really matter?"

Stage 4: Indifference- I really didn't always care. I shop or not. I talk to God about my feelings in it, or not. I didn't feel the need to buy myself anything, but I didn't feel the need to gain satisfaction from God.

Stage 5: Fear- My fear is not in doing this anymore, but rather in NOT doing it. Fear that maybe I didn't learn enough and will go crazy and now make up for lost time.

The result? Gratitude. I know that I needed to do this and I am grateful that I was able to do it and to talk about it. I am grateful for those who held me accountable. And above all, I am grateful to God that He is ALL I need. Without Him, I will NEVER be satisfied. I would forever wander around and search for things that leave me empty and hollow. God is the ONLY one who can fill me up to the top.

I am so grateful that He forgives me for those times I try to argue with Him and justify what I am about to do. I am grateful that He speaks in that small, still, sometimes nagging, voice that stops me from doing what I know would not benefit me.

Did I do this no shopping thing perfectly? Far from it. I still shopped for my kids and husband, maybe over the top at times. I also garage saled and bought a few things for the house. But I have learned not to be caught up in those failures either. The most important thing is that I learned. I learned that to be satisfied I need to stop and have that time with God. Yes, sometimes the time is while I wander the aisles of Target. But I don't believe that God minds where I meet Him, as long as I am meeting Him. And listening.

I encourage you sometime as you are shopping. First ask God to be all that you need. Tell Him to give you strength to walk past things that you don't need. I promise you that your credit card bills will be less! ;)

That's my story for now...

Even though I am a day late, I am still linking up with the sisters...

It happens Every. Single. Year.

2011-04-15T04:00:00.001-05:00

Despite the promise I made her make when she was a baby...

My baby girl is another year older. *sigh*

Gone are the day of pigtails and wobbly legs and replaced now with dances of grace and "no Mom, we are NOT putting my hair in THAT"

Miss Maicy Jo. 8 years ago you came into this world and all was well. You were a beautiful baby girl with a great dispostition and I thought I had it made. I felt God smiling on us.
And then you turned 1.
And I heard God laughing.

You were crazy about....

Dogs...

Dirt...

and Food...

Yes, still food.

And you tried to combine your love of dirt and food often...

Baby Girl, You made us laugh until we cried and cry until we laughed. Not much has changed.

You still love dogs and still ask every single year for your birthday for a dog.

And try to give your dad one for HIS birthday because how could he after all refuse anything from his precious baby girl.

You still make us laugh...

You still have a knack for dirt...

And a need for speed.

And I pray you will always love as strongly as you do now...

Hold on tight, Baby Girl, this is just the beginning...

God is SO GOOD!

2011-04-12T04:00:00.003-05:00

I was going to update on my Lent journey today, (I don't really want to discuss that not shopping thing anyways.) but I just can't let this opportunity to show just how awesome our God is go by.

This weekend our little neck of the woods was in for some serious weather. We tucked our kids into the basement for the night and watched the news unfold. It was chaotic in the newsrooms and hard to follow at times. Tornadoes kept popping up all around. Thankfully for us, they were no closer than 45 miles or more.
That didn't ease our worries for those towns that we were hearing about.

Mapleton, IA was hit with a tornado. Schelswig, Earley, Storm Lake, Cherokee... all being hit with either tornadoes or baseball sized hail.

Despite all of the building destruction, the homes lost, the trees uprooted... no one was killed. No one has serious injuries. The worst they have reported is a broken leg.
Honestly, hearing that the other night, all I could do is shout at my TV "GOD IS SO GOOD!"

The storms went good. My daugther prayed that 2 years ago and I still think of it everytime we tuck them into the basement on stormy nights. God weathers the storm with us. And the storms go good.

If you wouldn't mind, would you stop and say a prayer for those in Iowa who are without a home and now picking up the pieces?

Fired Up

2011-04-10T21:47:00.000-05:00

I sat in my brother and sister in laws church and watched the young girls and their counselors worship.

I read the banner hanging up on the side "Fired Up".

I looked again at the faces up front.

There was not too much fire or passion burning. In fact, most of them, including the mentors looked as though they would rather be anywhere other then up there. Worshipping.

I looked at myself and felt the irony as well.

I can say the words, I can be where I need to be, but am I fired up?

Do I want to be in the front worshipping? Putting worship and quality time with Him first?

Sadly, no. My Bible study lessons get shoved to the end of the long to do lists. My prayers are short and hurried.

I feel that instead of one great big fire for Him, I have a whole bunch of lighters running out of fluid because I am fueling them with anything but the Word.

I need to stop dousing the flame in lighter fluid for a quick rush and work on stacking the wood just right and adding the right amount consistently to keep the fire burning steady and hot. I need to not let the embers turn to cold ashes.

How about you? Do you let your ashes burn out? How do you keep the fire for Him burning steady.

Linking up with Michelle at Graceful once again... please join me over there!

2011-03-22T13:29:00.000-05:00

As I look back on my 2nd week of Lent, I can't help but be grateful. Grateful that I have almost another month to get it right. I read the words back to myself that I wrote when I started this. And I cringe. Did I shop for myself? No, and that is a freeing thing. It isn't all bad when you walk into Target and just KNOW you have to stay out of that ENTIRE SECTION of t-shirts in every color and cute cardigans or that one last thing to get you through the long dreary winter. I am surprisingly thrilled to not be stepping into a dressing room getting depressed at trying things on that don't fit right. I am easily throwing away catalogs by the droves as they come in and deleting emails instantly that are trying to convince me that this is "The greatest sale ever!! Again" . No problem with any of those things.

Yet, I missed the point.

I have failed to turn to my God and praise Him. I was here to find contentment and joy and peace that could only be found in Him.

I have stayed away from Him. I still choose other things over my time with Him. Whether it be the computer or a book or a magazine or a TV show or shopping still... for my kids.

I have found new clutter and fed the clutter that gets in the way.

I am still looking for joy and peace and contentment and my closeness to Him.

I have learned that I am just as happy buying for my kids or gifts for someone else as I am for myself or my home, so limiting to it just being about me, really isn't limiting me that much.

I am so disappointed in me right now that I can't even tell you. I didn't want to come here with this update. I wanted the rosy picture saying how GREAT everything is going and how JOYFUL I am now that I have put my focus on Him. And I can't.

So, trying to regain focus, I am learning about the purpose of Lent. The purpose in fasting as this is my first time doing this. And one line sticks with me. Taken from The Banner March 2011 by Dr John Witvliet "Lent was the church's way of saying YES to the free offer of salvation and NO to cheap grace- baptism without discipleship" Interestingly enough- to me anyways- every single time I read that I thought the last word was discipline not discipleship. I need discipline. I don't want cheap grace that is just handed to me with no strings attached. I don't want to just say "yup, I am a Christian, I am saved. I do whatever I want"

I know that I cannot just do as I please.

I need to learn discipline.

I want to BE a Christian. I want people to SEE the difference in me, not just hear me say the words.

Next week, I pray that I have a much better report. And if you see me, feel free to call me on it.

Linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven today...

Mending: Revisted

2011-03-16T04:00:00.000-05:00

*This post was originally written in September 2009. I had approximately 3 readers then, so I thought it would be worth the revisit. ;) I will report that now my daughter is almost 8 and nearing the end of 2nd grade and the blankie has been tucked away safely...though she still asks for it. As for the mangy mutt...he is still with her, curled up in her arms as she sleeps right now. *

I have been putting this "project" off for quite some time. And, as usual, the more I put it off, the worse it got. My daughter loves her blankie. I mean love, love, loves her blankie. I know she is 6 years old and a very big 1st grader now, but we can't seem to get rid of this well loved friend of hers. Its just a part of her. It was a gift from Grandma Pearl who is now 91and not so able to continue making blankets. So, its quite irreplaceable to me. See, this is her when it was beautiful and new and you could see the design on it. It was fresh and clean, and yes, already, very much beloved.

Isn't my baby just so precious and sweet?! She was fresh and new there too! I thought I would have a hard time finding a picture with that blanket in it, hah! Not so much, every page I turned in her scrapbook was like "where's waldo" for the blankie. It was usually around, no matter what. Which has caused us to look more like this. This is her other best friend. His name is Lucky. Lucky he hasn't been condemned yet because of all the disease he must be carrying! Wherever blankie is, Lucky is also. Now that Maicy is 6 however, they do both stay in her room on her bed on school mornings, and only come out when she is sick, or really tired, or Saturdays, or when she is cranky... umm. yeah. So they make there appearances often! Here is the result of such love. Do you see that 18 inch scar down the middle? Yup, that's what happens when you are sooo loved. I had to hand sew it, because my sewing machine was eating the fragile fabric around the big giant hole.

These corners have wiped tears, snot and yes, even vomit. Sorry, but its true. This blankie has helped this dear one through many sad days, bad days, and gone along for bike rides on good days.

To bring myself through this dreadfully tedious task of stitching this worn friend, I had to think about the symbolism of this dear one. This blanket proudly bears the scars of carrying its loved one through good times and bad. It comforts and soothes when nothing else will do. It has been beaten and battered and tossed to the ground. It has been forgotten and thrown aside during the easy times. It has always been there to be picked up again, ready to start the loving over.

I can't help but reminded of the scars that Jesus proudly wears. His wounds there because he has helped us through those horrible times, he carried our sins, he brought us through. He has been beaten and battered and too often tossed aside when life is going well. He is there to pick us back up again when we need Him. He is always waiting with love. He joins us on the journey, no matter where it leads.

Maybe its a stretch to relate a torn up tattered blankie with our Savior, but I need visuals, and this is my visual. Like looking through the scrapbook, you can look back on your life and play "where's waldo" and see that Jesus was there on every page. He may have been off to the side when we didn't know it, but he was there. Every time.

We all need mending from time to time, and our Heavenly Father is there, to carefully stitch us back together. He does so with love, allowing the scars to be seen so that we may not forget what brought us there.

Giving In

2011-03-14T11:13:00.000-05:00

For as long as I have written anything I have denied being a writer.
I even say it on my profile over there on the right "I am not a writer, I am a talker" And I honestly truly believe this. I have improper grammar and sentence structure and I cannot wax anything poetically. I was pretty sure I knew where my gifts were and weren't. Writing was not my gift. I write like I speak, a jumbled mess that I pray SOMEONE can make sense of and understand my point.

And then I took some time off blogging. Not deliberately, but just lack of time to spend on writing and reading blogs with the addition of Charlie Brown. And during that time I noticed something about me. I missed writing.

I missed working my mind to tell stories of my days and observances.
I missed seeing my God in the small things, because I wasn't looking.
Writing for me, while far from accurate or profound or anything too great, is my...gulp...spiritual gift??

If you have been here before, you know this is a huge struggle for me.I don't pat myself on the back. I don't pump myself up. I do believe I am called to be insignificant.

I sat through the sermon as he said "You cannot choose your talent. You can discover it, and sharpen it. You cannot choose it"
Well. I certainly did not choose writing. I did discover it. I think I am working to improve it. (though I realize I have a long ways to go)

So while I have been protesting any special gift or talent or knowing my place... I may have to give in to the fact that maybe. Just maybe. God may have given me the gift to write. Maybe He really is calling me to use this gift for His kingdom.

I am reading my notes from this sermon and it strikes a cord, knowing that blogging is not the only writing I do. I write weekly letters to a woman in prison... whose baby boy happens to be living here. My notes say this: The focus is to be 'how does God call me to use these gifts?' Not on getting these gifts and shoeing off, but showing love by using gifts for God. A gift of mercy in the name of Jesus Christ.

Are you working on sharpening your gifts? Are you still trying to find them? That's okay, God will reveal them when He is ready.

Esther 4:14 For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

Linking up with http://nebraskagraceful.blogspot.com/

My first attempt at Lent

2011-03-11T04:00:00.003-06:00

A little late?.. yes, I'm used to that these days.
But I have to do this or I will not stick with it.
Here is my lent post, meant to be up on Ash Wednesday, but the thought is just the same, I assure you.

This is my first year participating in lent. I don't know why I haven't done it before, oh wait, the thought of doing without anything generally got in the way. I have used the time to reflect more deeply on the life and death of Christ and read through the gospels more carefully, but as long as I didn't have to sacrifice anything I was good.

Then the other day I sat down to flip through some catalogs that had been piling up. I haven't actually opened any- most were immediately tossed- and I was in the mood to browse. Hubby was sitting next to me feeding the baby and asked what I was doing. I simply said "looking at magazines that make me want to redo everything in our house" (I do believe the answer he was looking for was "junk mail", but he asked). His response has stuck with me ever since... "maybe you could find a magazine that teaches contentment instead". Ouch. That was harsh. But necessary.

I began pondering Michelle's Shop Not challenge. Maybe it is time. Not for a whole year mind you, I'm not that crazy- not that Michelle is crazy, but YIKES!365 days is a LONG time! 42 days sounds doable. I had to set some realistic perameters or I would set up for failure.

After much thinking, praying, scripture reading, I realize that it is about so much more than shopping. It is about my self image. My self doubt. My negative self talk. I think that by buying the next cute top or perfect jeans, I will somehow magically find happiness. And then what happens? That rush fades, the doubts creep in and the shirts shrink. It doesn't do what it did for me the first week I owned it. I look around and think "She" has a much cuter top, if I had that I would feel that good too. And it doesn't work.

The only way to find real and everlasting joy is in Him. And I want that joy. That joy that seems just out of reach too often. That joy that is just waiting for me to pick it up. Right there, all the time. I just have to turn to Him.

So for the next 40 days I will buy no clothing for myself. No shoes, no socks, no jeans, no scarves, no dresses, no tops. Not even on clearance. Especially not on clearance- that's when I say "oh well it doesn't fit great, but it's cheap" Waste of money. I admit this seems enough to send me into a panic, especially seeing as how lent is always (always- I checked) followed by Easter. That means fun new springy outfits to show off as the sun shines more and we come crawling out from this wintery cave we have been in for the last 5 months. (yes, sometimes its the time to get the kids a nice new snowsuit because we are often greeted by an Easter morning snow). So, no new springy Easter morning outfit for me. My kids yes, because well... I already have the boys' stuff.
Also, home decor including baskets, bins, files, vases, pots, blankets, lamps, wall words, and more. I am always trying to find that one more thing that will make it feel "just right". And it doesn't. So I rearrange, I spend, I obsess.
I am putting 1 caveat on that- I have been dresser shopping for both Charlie Brown and Jackson, so if I find the right dresser in the right price range budgeted, I will wait at least a few days, and then decide if it is a worthy purchase. No impulse buying.

And what do I hope to gain from this experience?
Peace.
Contentment.
Joy.
Him.

A closer relationship with God because I am focusing on Him and His word, not me and my wardrobe. Not knocking His creation of me, but embracing the person He has made me to be. Taking joy in what He has done for me. Thanking Him daily for the beautiful home in which I am lucky enough to live in. Two of them in fact. I have nothing to complain about. I need to find my gratitude back and get rid of the whiney and complainy me.

Psalm 32:11 Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous, sing all who are upright in heart.

Matthew 6:29 No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

Linking up with the Jen and the beautiful group sisters of Soli deo Gloria...

Heard it. Yes, I heard okay?!

2011-03-07T00:00:00.001-06:00

I have been wanting to link up Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday with Michelle over at Graceful for quite some time now but between being snowed in at hockey tournaments and computer crashes, I haven't quite gotten that done. Hopefully this is the day.

The fact that is has taken me this long may also have to do with the fact that as a general rule I need to hear things SEVERAL Sundays or times before I really HEAR it. This is no exception to that and I am still struggling. I am hearing, I just don't want to listen.

A few weeks ago I received what I assumed was a random text message. It contained a very nice Bible verse and I read it, smiled, and thought that was lovely. And moved on.
I then went to get the mail and was quite surprised to find a letter from Charlie Brown's (yes, that's the name I'm going with for our foster baby for the sake of this blog since I cannot use his real name- if you saw his head you would confirm that it is quite a fitting title. Ahem.) mom. I was a little bit surprised. Okay, a lot surprised. I didn't think she would have access to my information. Guess again! I wanted to tear it open to see what she could possibly say, and I wanted to tear it up and pretend she didn't actually exist. Turns out that she really is a real person with a real story- whether or not I hear the truth in her story doesn't matter. She is his mom. I still had no desire to talk to her or write her or be nice or anything. I was still ready to tear up the letter and take Charlie Brown and my family and head to Figi. (not really so please do not report me to DHS, they already have my number thankyouverymuch. )

Are you curious about the verse yet? It was about the time I was browsing real estate in the tropics (*ahem*) that the gentle nudge came to reread that text. Fine. I will read it. "Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone". Col. 4:5 NLT. Nowhere in that verse does it tell me to pack up and flee the country so I decided to re-read it. Make the most of every opportunity. Yes, you certainly did give me the opportunity to present the gospel to an unbeliever, didn't you God. Just like I asked not that long ago. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive. So...sarcasm will not be appreciated in my response to her then?

I would like to say that all of this alone was convicting enough to change my heart and attitude, but for those of you who know me, I just don't sway that easily. I did promptly text a "thank you" -of sorts- to dear Erin for her oh so timely Bible texts. And I did find a lovely card with some nice verses on it to send my letter back to mom in. On ther surface I do believe I looked quite gracious.

Enter in Sunday. A few Sundays later mind you, but there it was none the less. Let me just share with you a sampling of song titles, if you don't know the songs, google them.
I Give You my Heart
The Potter's Hand
Have Thine Own Way Lord (mmm-hmmm)
We are an Offering
Make Me a Channel of Your Peace
Take My Life and Let it Be
and of course ...
I Surrender All.

Now. I like to think I catch on pretty quick. But. I don't always want to.
I am not sure how much more clearly our Heavenly Father could say to me "This is NOT about you. This is not about "the mom". This is not even about Charlie Brown. This is about ME. This is MY story. You are an instrument in MY kingdom to bring people to ME. Whether you like it or not."

Do I know what is going to happen with Charlie Brown? No. Do I know what will happen with "the mom"? Nope. Do I know what will happen to our family? Not a chance.
How do I go on? Because I do know that despite all I don't know, GOD KNOWS. And He will take care of everyone. My only job here is to be a gracious speaker and to show kindness and compassion where I don't want to. My job is to show the light of Christ to a very dark place. I know that I cannot do this. But I do know that God can. And that is all I need to know right now.

To meet Michelle, click the box above to see more great inspiring stories. You'll be so glad you did!

The Love of the Game

2011-02-25T11:07:00.000-06:00

They suit up. They put on their game face. Line up to cheer on their teammates.

Skate hard. Defend the goal.

Push and shove to keep the puck from entering their goal... maybe a little too much pushing...

Yeah, that's mine in the penalty box...

These Squirts work hard.
They practice hard and want to win. They fight until the end.

The other teams are bigger, faster, better.

They live and breathe for the sport.

Last weekend, we fought hard.

We lost big.

We know the teams, we know they are going to crush us.

We fight hard anyways.

Game 3. Sunday morning.

Down so many players we only have 3 subs.

Those boys fought hard, played an awesome game.

They were tired.

Heads drooped from exhaustion.

A rival coach comes in.

The blizzard has kept too many of his players away.

They forfeit their game but the boys who are here still want to play.

Can you help us out?

Faces light up.

Eyes sparkle.

Cheers go up.

YES!

These formal rivals are now teammates.

Once exhausted, new life is breathed into them

3 teams playing as one.

Simply for the love of the game.

The "3 State All-Stars" as they were dubbed by the coach played hard, had a great time, and in the end, tied the game.

What a way to play.

Ch-ch-ch-changing

2011-02-09T05:00:00.001-06:00

So I've been a little scarce these days. Going from 2-3 posts a week to 2-3 posts a month may have been a drastic cut.

But I've been busy...

Aside from dodging snowbanks in the middle of the city streets

I've had other things to do.

Things like swapping out my favorite Bath and Body scents for Baby Magic....

And my regular jewelry for some new bling...

And there is the always important To Do List...

I know its around here somewhere, but I just can't seem to find it right now...

This past month has been a whirlwind. We bond, we laugh, we cry, we pray. Oh my. Do we ever pray. So many what ifs are still floating around and just when I think we're good, I fear all over again. But still, we bond, we laugh, we love.

So, I apologize for being a bad blogger. Not visiting other blogs and not writing on my own. I don't see much of my computer and its kind of okay right now. I will try to be a little more faithful, but, sometimes important things come up... like that to do list. Bonding via naps is always on the top of that list.

10 years. A Decade?

2011-01-25T06:35:00.000-06:00

I don't know for sure how it happened or when it happened... but my baby got big.
Real big.
10 years ago today we were terrified new parents as we welcomed into this world a 3lb baby boy.

3lbs 6oz that forever changed us

He was small, but he never failed to let us know that he was the one in charge.

A very proud daddy of a very small baby

Today, he is not so small, and neither is the joy he brings us.

Jackson, you make us laugh til we cry and if we cry you make sure we end in laughter.

Your sarcastic humor that we all know is from me never ceases to amaze me. Or frighten me.

Your heart of gold is a treasure and I pray that you will never lose that.

TEN YEARS?! I don't know how it happened, but it has been a joy to watch you grow and to see God at work in you. I look forward to watching you for the next several decades. I know they're going to be great.

Jackson's 9th birthday

And maybe, just maybe, you'll pose for another picture with your mama. Please?

This is my STORY, This is my song...

2011-01-10T09:55:00.000-06:00

Well just last week I posted here sharing my ONE WORD. My word is STORY. I said that God was busy writing my story and I was struggling to read it.

What a difference a day makes.

Our story has changed dramatically. The cast of characters added to and switched up a bit.

2 years ago I started this blog as a way to keep friends and family updated on our journey into foster-adoption. Thus far it's been a rather uneventful journey and this blog has moved on to many more things. Which is great, but I never forgot why I started it. We wanted to expand our family. We prayed about how to do that. We were led to fostering. And then the story seemed to stop. Like an unfinished manuscript sitting on the shelf collecting dust. Picked up and thumbed through occasionally, but put back to collect more dust. No more story to tell yet. That's where I felt we were left.

We were at the point of looking into other adoption options. Do we go overseas? Do we give up? Prayers went up. My daughter asked many times when it would be OUR turn to have a baby... or toddler.

What a difference a day makes.

Our manuscript has been dusted off... a new story line enters in...

Friday afternoon around 2:00 we received a call and I said some sarcastic things in my head as I knew the number well. It usually tore me to pieces by the time I hung up. This one was different. A baby needs a home... now. Long term. Prefer dual licensed home because, well, the odds of custody being restored are slim. Two hours later I opened the door to a sweet little 3 month old boy with a very bald head and 2 kissable dimples. This little man has stolen our hearts in such a little time. My kids are thrilled, being excellent helpers and my dear husband struts around with a new little one in his arms. We know that this may be temporary. We know that our hearts may be broken. But we know that right now this little man needs love and care and we have that in abundance. Right now, we trust in God that He will guard our hearts and if we need to give him back, God will still be there to uphold us all. And that will be another story.

I am also constantly reminded of another story...in another series that is now running into ours. The mom's story. Its a sad and difficult story. I pray that she may have a happy ending to her story and that she finds the One who makes the stories worth living. I know that her happy ending may result in our sad ending. But I trust in God to take care of us. And to take care of this sweet baby. It is his story that has taken over our lives.

I will share as much of our story as I can with you all. But much cannot be told of mom and baby's story. Join us in prayer for the mom as she is dealing with life. Prayer for us as we adjust to life with a new baby. Prayer for the social workers and judges who have to make decisions for this sweet man.

Now, excuse me, there's a little guy who's waiting for some kisses...

2 Weeks Later and I Have Just 1 Word.

2011-01-05T09:00:00.001-06:00

So... When I opened my blog page this morning, it was still wishing me a Merry Christmas. Yikes! Time to get back at it! I will say that I had a great week plus of stepping back from my computer keeping my cell phone tucked away in my bedroom where I wouldn't check it constantly. It was amazing how much more face time I got with my family.

But now they're back in their routines, so I should be too.

Happy New Year! Okay, so I'm a little bit late with that too. Do you make Resolutions each year? I will be honest, I do not. I really don't enjoy knowing at the beginning of the year what I will feel guilty about come July. Or February. I am no good at sticking with resolutions. Having said that, I do try many times throughout the year to improve myself or become a better person. I just don't save it for January 1.

So, what to do instead? I was reading my good ol' friend Bina's blog last week ( yeah I snuck in a blog read now and then, so sue me) and she introduced me to the idea of a word of the year.Alece at Grit and Glory actually came up with it and I am jumping on. One. Word. Not a sentence or a paragraph or an explanation. But ONE. WORD. to be your theme. I have done a verse a year, but never a single word.

I like it. I can try this, I decided. But what word?? Hers was "believe". Ooohh.. Yeah, I like that one... oh, I should come up with my own huh? That was where I was worried. So, of course, I went to God. What should my word of the year be? What do you want me to work on this year? What word can I do for YOU, Lord?
I let my prayer go and went about my business. As I drove home from Nebraska Monday morning, I ended up doing what I always do... humming a song. Not just any song. The same song that is always in my head. When I mow, when I clean, when I drive, when I shop. I don't know why, it just is always there. And that is when God gave me my word for the year.

Story.

I don't claim to know why He chose this word for me. I do know that I love a good story. I know that everyone has there own story. I know that God is the author of those stories. I know that God is working hard to help me write my own story. Or I'm working hard to read it, I'm not sure which.

I will come back to this word often in the coming year and see what God's been up to with my word.
Will you join in in seeking God's word for your year? What would your year be?

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T04:00:00.004-06:00

Praise be to God for His Indescribable Gift!!

May you all have a blessed and joyous Christmas and know that you are loved so much, that God sent His son to this earth, for YOU.

Thank you all for your love and support during 2010. I will be back after the New Year. I plan to take some time to enjoy my kids and the simple things in life. God bless!

Remember the Shepherds

2010-12-22T04:00:00.001-06:00

Ever feel insignificant? Unimportant? Imperfect? Forgettable?
Yeah. Me too.
I've shared my thoughts with you and with my friend Diane about feeling insignificant or lacking a clear calling. Basically, forgettable.

This past Sunday I was reminded of how much God uses the forgettable. The non-important, non-flashy members of society. The no names.The insignificant.

God chose to send the angels to the shepherds to tell about the great and awesome Savior's birth. He didn't need to go to the king or the leaders. He didn't go to Ceasar Augustus or Quirinius, even though everyone knew them and they would be able to spread the word. God chose the lowly nightwatchmen of sheep. The poor and humble shepherds. They were the ones whom the angel spoke to. They were the first to hear the news. They were the ones most used by God.

And Mary and Joseph were nothing to write home about either. They didn't live in a palace. Joseph was a carpenter. He didn't have riches to boast about. And Jesus grew up doing the work that God planned for him, living a humble life, never needing riches or servants or the fine things that the leaders and important people of the day thought made you who you were.

And then there's Bethlehem. A small village essentially. There was no room for them, but as you consider the size of Bethlehem, that's probably because it was a "one horse town" that didn't have places a visitors bureau, because unless you were from there, you really had no reason to go there. An insignificant village. It wouldn't be on the maps if it weren't for the fact that Jesus Christ, Savior of the world was born there.

So as you ponder your life and feel forgettable and brush off the thought of God using you for His kingdom's work, remember the shepherds. Remember the stable. Remember Mary and Joseph. And remember that YOU are loved by God and YOU are worth the saving.

Luke 2:8-15 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

It's the thought that counts...

2010-12-21T11:13:00.000-06:00

Going on the assumption that it really is the thought that counts, well... you all have had some great reading and entertainment here this week!
However if you can't read my thoughts and have no clue how touching the greatest Christmas Story really is, or how cute it was when my daughter sang "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (her version) on my first ever video post,(I know you all just said a prayer of thanks that you didn't have to torture yourselves with that) then I guess I'll give you this:

I'm a little bit off schedule this week due to this happening not once.But TWICE yesterday. I have several dozen cut out cookies to get baked and when my oven keeps starting on fire due to the fact that I never bothered to clean up the caramel that spilled from the monkey bread that I made ~~2 weeks ago~~ just the day before it puts me behind schedule.

So, as soon as I get this all cleaned up, I'll be back.

Or at least I'll be thinking about you.

Doesn't that make you feel better?

A Day in the Life

2010-12-17T10:03:00.000-06:00

So in our first year with an advent calendar, I have been trying to come up with creative ways to fill those little doors with something other than daily candy.

On Wednesday, Jackson found Buddy the Elf (our elf on the shelf) and when he read the little note inside he cheered.... and I groaned. "A day with mom's good camera to take pictures of anything you want" Could this have fallen into worse hands?! I feared a great deal when he added to the bottom "and mom won't delete any."

Well, I said a quick prayer of gratitude that Jackson had a full day of school, hockey and cadets, so his spare time with my camera would be limited.

I tried to make a storyboard so as to not have a long string of pics, but I couldn't. Then I tried to make a slide show and I couldn't get the text to work. So, in just a plain old post of pictures, this is what my dear son encountered on that day.

Enjoy!

Grumpy Sister

Mom driving us around... as usual... though I'm not sure she usually smiles while she's driving us.. hmmm...

Yup, still grumpy.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa!!

Mom is stomping the snow off her boots I guess.

Hey Dad! How's work going?!

Surprise, Grandma!

Snitching some goodies left at Dad's office...

Where I want to be.... skating, not the popcorn tin.

A dumpster. Of course.

Mom's dirty car stereo. She should clean it.

A house.

Baseball diamond covered in snow.

House going up in our neighborhood.

Neighbor's house.... trying to get a pic of Snoopy, maybe more dash than dog.

My Texas longhorn ornament that mom and dad got for me in San Antonio.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

Saucijsjes- No. I did not just sneeze

2010-12-15T09:18:00.001-06:00

I think you already know that I hail from a Dutch community. If you didn't, now you do. And two of the staples in our diet are meat and carbs. Fatty meats and lard ridden carbs to be exact. However, I promise this won't involve any lard.

This Christmas I decided to make my own Saucijesjes, or Pig-in-the-Blankets. I usually buy the frozen ones and bake them up. They are always great too, and I have no problem doing that, but I wanted to try this. So here we are on my maiden pig making journey. I have done each portion of these at one time or another with our school group for our annual Tulip Festival, but never the whole process by myself.
So here we go!

The dough:
3 cups of flour or more (you'll need a little more)
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 Tbsp sugar
Mix.
With a pastry blender or a fork, blend in 1 cup Crisco (or lard if that's what you're in to)
Once that is blended nicely- to resemble corn meal or just fine crumbles,
add 2 eggs, beaten
and 1 cup milk.
Mix this all together and chill until ready to use.

Now for the star. The sausage/beef mixture.

This is where I lack, my grandma gave me the front of her recipe card and not the back. That's where the meat recipe is. However, I just go into our local Dutch meat market and purchase that, so I didn't need it. I promise to get that and add it in here, but for now, here is a link to the place where I get the meat! Perhaps if you call it in, they'll send it to you.

Here is how I make my "pigs."

I had about 6lbs of meat because I doubled the recipe, this one should use about 3lbs.

Press meat mix into a pan (9x13) Using a knife, slice into 1"x3" pieces. I like to chill that meat at this point so that it really holds the shape.

Let the fun begin!!!
Take a baseball sized section of dough to begin and roll roughly into a rectangle shape.
Set the pig on one end, cut long strips for the width of that. Then roll until the meat is covered and cut dough there.

Smooth out the edges and just try to make it all closed in and look pretty. As pretty as a pig-in-the-blanket can look.

Freeze them now. I don't know why, but they are just better if you freeze them. And despite it being 10* outside, your garage will not be enough to freeze them. I'm just saying.

Place on a baking sheet either covered with paper bags- to absorb the grease, or a baking stone.

Brush the tops with egg whites.

Bake at 350* for appx 1 hour.

The finished product! mmmmm!

(this makes just over 2 dozen saucijsjes, depending on how big you make them)

I hope you enjoy our little Dutch tradition! These go great with soup or even for breakfast!

Plans

2010-12-13T09:02:00.000-06:00

Plans were made weeks ago. I knew just how the next few weeks should go.

This weekend? Hockey, program practice, Maicy sing in the morning with girls, Christmas program Sunday night.

Those plans came crashing down. Hmm... skip hockey. Maybe program practice.

More phone calls. Whole day cancelled. Well adjust. Its winter in Iowa, that's what we do.

As long as my Christmas week plans don't get affected... its my unspoken request.

Sometimes God needs to just stop us.

Stop the plans from controlling our time. Stop the planning from taking away from Him.

Now I'm stuck. My plans did change. I admit, I was not happy for awhile. I'm still a little disappointed.

But God showed us who's in control this week.
Cars get stuck.
Football fields deemed unplayable. Games rescheduled and moved.
Christmas programs rescheduled.
Christmas plans rearranged.

God is in control. And in an instant, He can change our plans.

Then again, my plans had more to do with me and less with Him.

Thanks for changing my plans, God. I'll be there. Whereever you want me. Whatever day you want me there. That's where I'll be. Just promise You'll be there too.

Oh be careful little eyes what you see...

2010-12-09T04:00:00.002-06:00

It starts out innocently enough. I walk to the mailbox to get the mail. As I flip through all of the bright and colorful pages it happens,

"hmm... yeah, my pots and pans do look a little dingy"
" that new kitchen-aid mixer my husband surprised me with is an older model now... they have that glass bowl now... I like this color more.. of course, that may mean repainting my kitchen and then I'll need new curtains...."
"those lamps are all wrong for my living room"
" I should have a sweater like that for the holidays...I have those other 5, but they aren't quite like this style...
"think of all the kids' programs and games and recitals I could record with that video camera- that doesn't use a small VHS tape"
"ohh... that dress is cute, Maicy should have that!"
"Hmm... I wonder if Jackson would like that"

Suddenly, everything that I was more than happy with, becomes old worthless junk. No longer good enough. Every year I go through this. I page through catalog after catalog, pining after things that will not in anyway make my life better. Because the ultimate gift is not a thing. It's a Savior. None of this stuff even comes close to filling that spot in my life. It only distracts me from the focus of the Christmas season.

I walk to the mailbox. I keep the cards from friends and family, set the bills in the organizer, and toss without even opening, the endless supply of catalogs and sale fliers. If I didn't know I needed it before I saw it, I certainly don't need it now. (and in case my son or husband is reading this, no, I did NOT throw away the Cabela's fliers- yes, I realize those are "different")

What about you? What great ideas do you have to help stop the commercialism from distracting you from the true meaning of this holiday?

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! 2 Corinthians 9:15

Sinterklaas, Suzie Snowflake, SundaySchool, Sleep

2010-12-06T04:00:00.001-06:00

Those pretty much some up my weekend. Well, except hockey- but that didn't work into and S.
I have lived in our little Dutch town for over 13 years and have donned my wooden shoes and scrubbed streets every May for the annual Tulip Festival for the last 6 years. Yet I have never taken my kids (or myself to the SinterKlaas parade downtown on the first Saturday of the month. It may have something to do with the 10 degree days that we usually have, but one can never be sure about the reasons.

So this year,since we already had a jam-packed Saturday, I promised my daughter we would squeeze that in too. After all, if you can only be home for 45 minutes, what's the point in being home at all right? That's what I figured. So after hockey, after delivering packages around town, after stopping at our school's cookie walk to purchase too many goodies and after a quick dance recital where we listened to "Susie Snowflake" 3 times, not once, not twice, but 3 times, we bundled up and awaited for the Dutch hero to arrive on his white horse. You can read all about the history of Sinterklaas here. Then we strolled down to City Hall where the kids listened to the history and then played games. For approximately 10 minutes because after all, we had to head to Sunday School Christmas program practice.

My point in this post isn't to let you all know how busy I am, because I know that everyone is busy. That's called life. My point is, after all of the hustle and bustle. The sweat of hockey, the fun at dance, the excitement of seeing Sinterklaas... my favorite moment of the weekend was this:

She was bound and determined to fall asleep in the chair with her daddy. And she did. And they stayed there...

until we woke at 4am with one heckuva kink in his neck. :) So he moved to the couch.

And I had the whoooolllleee king sized bed to myself.

aaahhhh..... sweet sleep....

(speaking of sleep, does anyone know how Nebraska faired?! I fell asleep as it was tied at 20. Yeah. I was shot too. I'm kind of afraid to look at the scores, so I haven't checked!)

And stuff...

2010-12-01T04:00:00.002-06:00

The blankets are tucked up around her. Her mismatched jammies cozied under the striped comforter. Her hair still damp from the shower sprawls over her pillow. Surrounded by her stuffed animal friends and clutching her special blankie and puppy. Hands come out from hiding to fold on her chest. Long eyelashes close over those brown eyes and all I see are the sprinkling of freckles on her button nose.

"Dear God. Thanks that I can have a good day and that Jackson can have a good day at school and that I could play with my friends and have piano and do good at dance and so could my friends ...and stuff. Thank you that Daddy can be safe at work so that he can work to make money so we have food to eat and clothes... and stuff.. and for the people of Haiti that we can give money to them then too. And while he travels for business or fun... and stuff. Thank you that Mommy can take care of us and do a good job and that she is safe when she travels and goes places. And that other people can be safe when they travel like for business trips and fun trips ...and stuff. And for the people of Haiti that they can be safe and we can give them homes and food and clothes and stuff to live... and stuff. Be with J and O that they won't be missing their mom and dad too much and keep them safe... and stuff. Thanks that we can go to your House to worship you, thanks for schools where we can learn about you ... and stuff. And for saving us from when we do bad... and stuff. "

She packs a lot into '...and stuff.'

There is a lot of weight in those words. She knows His hands are in the "stuff." Named or unnamed. He's got it. She gave it to Him and just like that will drift into her peaceful sleep. Knowing He's got all the stuff in His hands.

She teaches me a lot in those moments... And stuff.

Recap and Revived!

2010-11-29T04:00:00.001-06:00

It feels like it has been forever since I have been here! It feels like weeks since I've wanted to be here. I know, it sounds terrible, but sometimes you just need a break. It was a great blogging break. Steve was home for almost 2 weeks, just a few one nighters away scattered in there. We loved having him around although on our way to church my first born did look at him and say "When exactly are you heading back to Nebraska?!" Made me laugh out loud, not my hubby so much. ;) Although I think he was ready to head back for the week also. You would think that with all that time together I would have managed to get our family picture done for Christmas cards, but no. Still not. I don't know why we just can't get it together this year! Oh well, we have time... right?! Maybe we will just photoshop him into a picture.

What did happen this week? Well, we had a much missed family game night- we are used to a few a week and now its been many weeks or months. I still hold the trophy, so I consider it a success.

During the game I decided to try out some new rollers on Miss Maicy. This is what happened...

It is impossible to take a picture of curlers and not make a silly face. It just is. (She also said that I canNOT use this for Christmas cards. She ruins all my best plans. )

This was the result- umm... we weren't going for a Shirley Temple look.... not that they knew who that was anyways...

Again, silly face is required.

( pics take on my cell phone simply for convenience purposes, just in case you are worried that my camera is broken again.)

Another exciting part of the week was dog sitting. The kids (and I) have very much enjoyed opening our home up to a super well behaved Shi-Tzu named Tucker for a few days. At least, I think they're coming back for him... We'd be quite content to keep him though.

So yes, we are not only a foster home to children, but also to dogs. We seem to have better luck with the dogs.

We had a great time with FAMILY this past week. A long day of Thanksgiving eating and laughing and game playing. Plenty of shopping and more eating. We don't do Black Friday, but we do do the local small town businesses. Some great deals are to be found!

One of the most enjoyable moments was getting to read my Grandma's diary from 1981. We had some of her things to look through the other night and, while Grandma still resides on this earth, her mind isn't always residing as we'd like. So this was a special treat to read her days activities in her hand writing. It was made even more special when she announced in her book, not once, but twice, that her dear Alicia had diarrhea. Remember, 1981 folks, I was just a babe. And I got dumped on Grandma lots. Evidently she got dumped on also. Sorry, I had to do it.

So, this was a random recap of my week off, kudos to you if you made it through!

Now I feel so energized and ready to get back to this world. I need to make the time, yet limit my computer time. I'm working on that balance.

What did you do with your Thanksgiving holiday?

Are you moving on to the advent season?

From Whom All Blessings Flow

2010-11-24T00:12:00.002-06:00

I love this week. Yes, it gets busy, and yes, we often rush through it. But truly, Thanksgiving is one of my most favorite times of the year. I have always loved this holiday. I think that it is because it doesn't have the pressure of Christmas, yet has the God centered-ness that it deserves.
I am so thankful this year. God has blessed me and my family beyond measure. We have had quality time with each other, opened doors to friends and family, entered homes of friends and family, and just truly, been blessed.

Ups and downs are a part of our lives, yet God is steadfast, strong, and unchanging. And that is why I praise Him. That is what makes me want to jump up and shout "Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!!"

I want to wish you and your families a wonderful Thanksgiving. May your time be blessed, may Uncle Harry minimize the embarrassing moments, and may God get all of the glory.
I'm taking the week off of blogging to focus on my family and home and my God. Blessings, dear friends.

Psalm 100- the Message (because I love that first verse)

A Thanksgiving Psalm

On your feet now—applaud God! Bring a gift of laughter,
sing yourselves into his presence.
Know this: God is God, and God, God.
He made us; we didn't make him. We're his people, his well-tended sheep. Enter with the password: "Thank you!"
Make yourselves at home, talking praise.
Thank him. Worship him. For God is sheer beauty, all-generous in love, loyal always and ever.

Still Waiting...

2010-11-19T11:41:00.001-06:00

Well, I had hoped to come back with all the fabulous scripture our group came up with on waiting, however, I was the only group member there this morning, so, I will share what I alone found. (I didn't go to our evening group which had a better turn out, just in case you think I'm completely making up the fact that I lead an actual Bible study. Though that clearly isn't far from the truth.*ahem* lets move on.)

I will give you a little background into my last few weeks before I start what I have a feeling could be a lengthy post. Go ahead and get comfy. Or run now. :)
I haven't made this public knowledge other that to a few prayer partners and my Bible study- the one that exists, not the other one, but this week we were expecting to receive to foster placements into our home. It has been 15 months since this has happened and we were excited, nervous, and actually peaceful. We received the call when my husband was in China- of course- and therefore I didn't want to talk about it until I was really able to talk to him about it. Their hearing was set for this past Wednesday. I started making the necessary arrangements and purchasing of necesseties and trying to let school know without anyone else knowing. It is hard to tell people this will happen until it actually happens because working with DHS is just not a certain thing. So, the before I am preparing to share news with family and attempting to get ahold of the case worker. FINALLY, she returns my call. "Oh, well, J and O have already been placed in another home. Kids Net should have calle you" At that moment my breath left me and I fought back tears of hurt, frustration and anger. And then I had to go back and join my Coffee Break group- who knew none of this, and still doesn't. I did hold it together up until the moment I had to pick up some lunch for hubs and I at Quizno's. Chris Tomlin's song Sing, Sing, Sing, was on the radio in there and it took me down. I was angry, and I did not want to sing, sing, sing to God right then. Our family had been waiting, and waiting, and waiting. I am so very worn down and tired from waiting. I had come to a point of peace that our family may physically never grow, then the call comes and you gain hope again. Only to have that hope ripped away in an instant. Really, God? Was that very nice? That kinda hurt a lot. And ya hurt my baby girl a lot. She was looking forward to this, has been for years. She prays for them every single day to not miss their mama and dad so much and to keep them safe until they are out of their house. She prays with all of her heart. Really? She is tired of waiting too, God.

Enter in the Bible study topic of the moment- Waiting. I honestly checked out a bit on this one. I made no real effort to go to the evening group even though I knew there would be discussion a plenty and great scripture to back it up. I didn't want to hear it. Until the next morning. I finally sat down with God and said "okay, lets do this. Show me" And then I wished with all of my heart that I had been at Bible study the night before. Lesson learned.

Abraham and Sara, Jonathan and Elizabeth, Esther, Hannah, Moses and the Israelites.... those are the names laid out on paper before me. These people waited. They lost patience, they waited. And God delivered. And when He delivered, He did so in a way that was so much more than these mere mortals could ever have dreamed up. They knew what God promised, they asked for what they could imagine, but God has so much more mighty plans then our minds could ever imagine! Does it make the waiting easier? I don't think it does, unless you cling to Him with every single ounce of your being and don't take your eyes off of Him for a second.
I was sharing this with a friend of mine who lives in her own life of waiting that was recently very painful also, and her question to me was "But what did these people do while they waited? Why doesn't God show us that?"
We know we are called to wait- we know we are blessed in waiting, but HOW to do it? That remains the greatest question.

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, and my soul waits and in His word I put my hope.
Hope in Him, wait in Him, that's the best I can do right now.

*if you're family and wondering why you still didn't hear about the foster plan, its really hard to bring it up after the fact and say we were going to but now we're not.

**After I wrote this, I headed to school to have lunch with my son. I was looking at his pictures hanging on the walls and they had verses on prayer. Jackson's verse? Psalm 66:20 Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! This is where MY hope lies and this is how I will wait. Amen.

God is good! All the time!

Do you Shutterfly?

2010-11-17T15:58:00.001-06:00

No, its not a dance craze, its the photo developing site!
That time of year is upon us where we try to think of creative and thoughtful gifts and even the dreaded family picture for the Christmas card. I myself have attempted to get a family picture on 4 different occasions this fall and have yet to accomplish that. I know.
So, I'm here talking about Shutterfly because they have an offer I just couldn't refuse! To feature them and their unique and inexpensive gift ideas and receive 50 free cards.(Go ahead and check it out here if you're interested) And really, with all the extra expense of the holidays, who would pass that up, right? I will say, I have used Shutterfly for years and have never been disappointed.

One year I had some photo mugs made up that looked a lot like this... except with my own kids on it of course:

The grandparents loved them and so did my kids when they'd go to their houses and see them using it!

I also think that this desk organizer would make a great gift for my husband so he can have some familiar faces staring at him each time he grabs a pen....

And these are my latest favorite creation:

How cool is that to decorate your kids' rooms with?!

So if you are stumped as to what to get the one who has everything, check out Shutterfly. You will find lots of practical products made just a lot cuter with those familiar faces on it than you'll find in the stores.

Today's Topic:Waiting

2010-11-15T22:17:00.001-06:00

I feel like a broken record. I look back and see that I have had plenty of posts on WAITING and here I am again.

Last week you all were so very passionate about the Bible Study topic I shared and let me tell you, us study leaders get pretty excited to see such passion surrounding the Word. So, if you all will continue to participate, we will continue to ask. Let me first introduce you to our study set up. This year when talking about a new plan we discussed the typical studies- Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore, Dave Ramsey, Ray VanderLaan, and more. But. We always listen to these AMAZING leaders- please don't get me wrong, we have only the utmost of respect for these awesome speakers/writers- however, we just take what they say and go "okay, well this is what so and so says, so this is what I should do". But God doesn't call us to just take someone's word for it. He wants us to write the Word upon our own hearts. And the only way to do that is by searching and pulling it all apart for yourself. Yes, guides and commentaries are great tools, and we encourage those as well. However, those are man written, we want to rely on the God written Word.

So, this year, we asked something a little different, a little bit scary, and entered into unknown terrritory of our ladies Bible study group. Each meeting we brainstorm to come up with a topic, and then in two weeks we use all resources available to us to search the Word of God. To find all that He has to say on those topics. To see it for our own eyes, read it in context, and get the full picture. Do we always agree with each other's interpretations? No. But it prompts discussion, it makes us all think, and we are all in it together.

Make sense? So, this weeks topic is Waiting on God. I'm not going to lie, my first response was "crap" when I knew that's what we decided on. But I know that God wants me to GET IT. So, I am working on it.

Instead of giving you what I've found just yet, I want to hear from YOU! You are all so brilliant and genuine and real, that I want your thoughts. (yes, this post is me NOT talking- why do you ask... *ahem*)

Waiting on God- Are we simply called to wait? Is God calling us to act while we wait?

Do you have a particular issue you are waiting to hear God’s answer to? Is His answer wait? Is the answer No? How do you wait on God through the tough times. What scripture encourages you to wait on Him and His timing?

So, share your thoughts... I'd LOVE to hear! And if some of you answer questions with questions, that's great too! (you know who you are...) We want questions, we want to think, we want to be challenged!

Okay, I promise that's all. I do want to leave you a link to Michelle's blog from last week- she spoke of waiting in a different way. Check that out if you'd like!

Now, share your wisdom dear readers!!!

With Thanksgiving in your Hearts

2010-11-11T05:00:00.003-06:00

First off, I can't thank y'all enough for weighing in on my last post! You are all so amazing! If you missed it or if you just needed to think longer, feel free to check it out and leave your thoughts. I can tell you that others in the Bible study have really enjoyed hearing from you all as well! So much so in fact that we've decided to share our topics with you every other week to get your feedback. So, stay tuned- on Monday I'll hope to hear from you on the subject "Waiting on God". More on that on Monday.

Today, I need to get back to my blessings. I was planning to do a weekly post on blessings on the week, and then let it go last week. Not because I didn't have any, I was just being lazy if you really must know. :)

So, this week I knew I had to do it. I challenged myself and I think its an important challenge. Little did I know that I would be handed some circumstances that really made me not want to come up with a gratitude list. But then I remember a sermon a few years back on Thanksgiving. Praise God from Whom ALL Blessings flow.
All Blessings- even those we don't want to count as blessings. We need to praise Him.
So, here I am.

This past week in blessings:

Steve made it home safely from China. That was a long week, despite me being used to him being gone, I didn't like him being that far gone with that little communication.
Parent Teacher conferences are this week- I won't have ours until tonight, but I'm going to go ahead and assume that they will be a blessing. Our school is such a blessing to our family, I can't help but be grateful.
Due to number 2, NO SCHOOL on FRIDAY! YEAH for long weekends! Especially when we get to go away and therefore we will ....
Skip hockey Saturday morning! I know, I shouldn't be so happy, but when you have to be leave home by 7:30 on Saturday mornings, you cherish a day to just sleep in or hang out in your pj's drinking coffee until lunch time. (no, that won't happen, but its a lovely thought...)
Friends to have lunch with, talk on the phone with, email, and text until our thumbs hurt. I don't really know what I'd do without them. Its only a small handful, but what I lack in quantity, I make up for in quality.
Veterans. I can't even express properly the gratitude to all of our veterans and their families. Theirs is a sacrafice that I can't repay. Many blessings to those fine men and women.

I know there should be more, and I'm certain there are, this is a start for today.
What blessings have you experienced this week?

Roles

2010-11-09T05:00:00.001-06:00

Okay dear readers,
Today I want to hear from YOU.
In Bible study last week we had a very interesting topic. One that didn't involve closure of any kind and ignited some pretty strong feelings.

The topic: What is our role as WOMEN?
We invited ladies to look at their lives, search the Bible and use any resources available. Apply it to their life- whether it be their role in church, at home, in business, etc. I do not mean just the unattainable Proverbs 31 woman- the one who's passage alone makes women everywhere shudder and groan.Though verses were used from this chapter- and much can be relevant today as well- but look at some new verses.

The question was brought up, are the things we view as the social norm actually Biblical? Or have we interpretted the words to fit our lives? Is it part of our feel good society? Are men supposed to be higher in the church, home and office?

So, share with me your views. What do you believe to be true? I'd love to hear from the men on this one, too!

Too Good to Be True

2010-11-03T05:00:00.001-05:00

The room quickly filled with rambunctious 2nd graders. Each bouncing off their seat in their own way. Impatience was high. For both Sunday School teachers and students. 30 minutes each week we attempt to grab the attention of these faces. 30 minutes each week we try to hurriedly explain how great God is and how much He loves them. All while trying to get these 8 kids to oh-for-the-love-of-pete-would-you-just-sit-down-and-stop-talking-don't-touch-your-neighbor-and-listen?! *ahem* Or something like that.

We tried something different.

We set the jar on the table. A plain old mason jar, half full with clean water.

This was what God created. Pure. Clean. Unpolluted. Without Sin

Adam & Eve sinned...

The Israelites sinned...

You and I sinned...

The world was dark. No light was shining.

God sent His Son. The cleaning agent...

He died on the cross...

He washes away our sin....

We are new creations. Clean. White as snow.

We have been washed by the blood of the Lamb. Fully. Completely.

Our water was pretty dark that first day. We each put a drop of sin in the jar. We had a lot of washing to do. We promised to leave the jar at church in our classroom until the next week.

The next week, they gathered around. Eager. Yes, eager.

"What happened to our black water?!"

Eyes grew wide as we pulled the jar out to show them: "You switched it!" "There's no way! That water was black, it couldn't be that clear now!"

"Isn't that what Christ did for us? Didn't He turn our black hearts into something pure?"

"Yeah... but...I just don't believe it could be true..."

Do YOU believe it? Do you believe that Christ could take your very blackest heart, the very deepest darkest sin you've committed, and wash it away completely?

It really does sound too good to be true.

But it isn't.

By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain. For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, 1Corinthians 15:2-4

What makes me... me

2010-11-01T07:03:00.002-05:00

This morning I am off visiting with my friend Diane Estrella. She was brave (or foolish) and asked me an innocent question that she had no idea would stir up so very much emotion for me. She decided to use the verbal vomit placed on her lap and turn it into a positive- isn't that awesome how God uses friends to take what we feel is our worst moment and turn it into something like "awesomeness personified"?! (her words, not mine)
So, while I have yet to forgive her for hijacking the photo of me that she did (truly, its hijacked from Facebook- or maybe Bina willingly supplied it to her- they are both evil like that) I would love for you to go check out her site today... Diane Estrella: That's What I'm Here For. She has been an amazing friend, and she is the greatest encourager that I have ever meant. Now go!

And if you're visiting from Diane's place, Welcome! Grab a cup of coffee, sit back and let's get to know each other. I hope you'll feel comfortable here.

Blessings

2010-10-29T04:00:00.003-05:00

This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24

Too often I find myself not going through my blessings, just dumping my problems and worries on God, and saying a quick thanks for all the good in my life. And there really is far more good than bad in my life and I am forever grateful for that. Today I am rejoicing in the small things.

Jackson has completed a great season of flag football and we only had one crazy cold night- which was last night, and yet, grateful that we didn't have to do it on Wednesday night.

Hockey season is in full swing. It does my heart good to see my son out there enjoying life on the ice.

My hubby is home for 2 and a half days! Of course its prior to a trip overseas, but still, we'll take what we can get!

Laughter that flows from Facebook friends. They are nuts and I love 'em. Most of them anyways. ;)

Not one lunch date this week, but TWO. That's a pretty good week in my book.

Books that just make me smile.

Friends that will call to pray with me as I text about irrational fears and worries...despite the busy day she's in the midst of.

Rain/snow/wind/clouds- I know- I'm gonna get decked. I love those days when they come around once in awhile. I cozied up by my fireplace with a quilt and a good book and a cup of coffee. aaahhh....

Friends that no matter how much you protest, will encourage you and compliment you until you just accept it.

Okay, I haven't forgotten the other child... Miss Maicy's prayers really are the greatest. Right now she's praying for her missing kitties...they are lost in the woods and she believes they'll make it back out. That my dear friends, is faith.
I can't believe I almost forgot this one... my camera is back! Repaired and healthy and new again! Yeah!

How about you... what are the little blessings in your life today that just make you smile?

Get in on the best

2010-10-27T05:00:00.002-05:00

Once in awhile, I get it. Sometimes after having something repeated over and over and over I finally catch on when God is talking. When He wants me to hear something and to have it stick. Not always, mind you, I can be a little dense. But those moments when I do make up for all of those missed times.

If you've hung around here at all, you probably know that I am horrible at memorizing scripture and retaining passages with content. So when I hear a message on a topic and it sticks, I take note.

Psalm 37 is quickly becoming my theme passage. I am clinging to it daily. Daily.

When God calls us act, we jump in. We express our worries over being adequate, we pray for assurance and security, but we still act. But every once in awhile we are called to do NOTHING. This causes panic and confusion. What do you mean I can't do anything?! I have to WAIT?! It is so hard for us to sit back and say "Okay, God, I will sit back here while you take care of things your own way."

Why?
Why is it easier to trust in Him when He calls us to action then when He calls us to no action?

We like to be busy, we like to mark off our neat little check list. One more job done. Pat ourselves on the back.

And if I can't act... at least let me worry about it.

But Psalm 37 is bringing me some much needed new perspective. Trust in the Lord... Do good... Do not fret...be still...wait patiently...refrain from anger...

Those words have changed my daily walk, and yes, I stumble, but I can dust off quicker and remember who's got my back. I decided to take a look at some other translations to get more perspective. I absolutely love what the Message says in verses 3 and 4:

Get insurance with God and do a good deed,

settle down and stick to your last.

Keep company with God,

get in on the best.

How can it get better than that? Get in on the best. Amen.

*picture above from my kitchen wall... I realize its a different passage, just goes to show, sometime He's trying to tell me something...*

Watcha Readin'?

2010-10-25T05:00:00.001-05:00

Thanks to the existance of my Nook, friends loaning out great books, and my hubby being in another state most weeks, I have had plenty of opportunity to catch up on reading. Last week I decided to head over to our local library which I looovee because it really does have a great selection of Christian Fiction which is mostly what I read. And its free. So after I finished up Healing Waters by Nancy Rue (great book by the way. Read Healing Stones first though) I then picked up my other library book. Only to realize it was awfully familiar. So I did a quick skim of the book jacket ( I refuse to do that before actually reading a book, it spoils too much for me) and realized that yes indeed, I had already read this book. Sigh. So here I sit without another book to read. And clearly a shrinking selection left unread at our library.

Which leads me to my question. Whatcha readin'? What books can you recommend?
Any of you out there fellow Nook owners?! I would love to swap books with y'all!

A recipe that does NOT have anything to do with Pumpkin

2010-10-20T08:55:00.000-05:00

Here is a recipe that I promised to share with my new friends from the retreat in California. We were sitting at the breakfast table and I watched as all of their eyes got as large as saucers. I looked to see what could cause that and realized around these parts, its an old standby! It goes by many names... Patio Potatoes, Cheesy hashbrowns, Company Potatoes, Potato Casserole... it doesn't matter what you call them, they're always good. And I will say that this was the first time I had them served at breakfast. Though I think it could easily become a staple in my brunches to come. ;)

So, to all those friends, wipe your chins. Here's the all too easy recipe, that even Bina could make.

Company Potatoes

1 pkg frozen shredded hashbrowns- thawed
1/2 cup melted butter
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
2 Tbsp dried minced onion
1 cup cream of chicken soup
1 pt sour cream (with or without chives)
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

Mix all together and spread in a greased 9x13 pan

Top with 1/2 cup melted butter and 2 cups Corn Flakes mixed together.

Bake at 350* for 1 hour.

You can also freeze these before baking, just let them thaw out before baking.

Enjoy!

A little bit of whining...

2010-10-18T20:26:00.000-05:00

I really had good intentions of having a post up for today... A real post.

But I had my wisdom teeth out (yes all 4 of them thankyouverymuch) this morning and I am not as perky as I had hoped to be. I did great most of the day (unless you count me texting pics of my beautiful and pathetic swollen face to a certain friend) and then by evening (after a hockey parent's meeting which honestly I could have probably passed on but didn't realize that until I had sucked it up and sat through it) the headaches came on and I could no longer form a coherant thought.

And Blogger is acting weird lately and has taken away all the blogs I follow from my dashboard and rarely letting me sign in. So, I have tried to make the rounds, I just don't have the energy right now to put forth that much effort. So, I'm sorry for not visiting my friends blogs. I promise I'll return later on.

In the mean time, I want you sweet readers to all know that my camera has been sent off to the Nikon repair center and I pray that I won't regret not purchasing that extended warranty. I may have just bought myself an early Christmas present. :( Honestly though, the fact that you all GOT it when I was so broken hearted over my camera breakup just warmed my heart. You're such sweet friends.

Now, I'm off to find an icepack and a pillow...

A painful lesson

2010-10-15T13:00:00.000-05:00

Remember the joy and excitement I had over finally getting my camera?! You know, this camera:

Well, now I know. No matter how much you don't want a larger carry-on bag that can hold the camera inside its cushioned case...

...you should suck it up and find a larger carry-on.

Simply Amazed

2010-10-14T00:00:00.003-05:00

I am so amazed by the things that God can do. Yes, I knew He could create an entire world in 6 days. Yes, I knew He has power over death. Yes, I knew He could take down huge armies with small incompetent groups. Yes, I know He has the power to move mountains.

But when you see that greatness in your own seemingly insignificant life? Simply amazing.

The beautiful pines in Angeles National Forest.

I boarded the plane last week still not fully aware of the odd place I was putting myself in.

Then, 5 minutes before landing, I looked at the lady next to me, who I'd learned would be returning to Omaha on the same flight as me, and said, "Here's the deal... and gave her the dish... yes, I was meeting a "stranger". "So, you want me to call the FBI if you're not here? Got it."

I walked off the escalator, saw Bina and in that moment realized, we were not strangers. That was my friend. Waiting for me by the baggage claim.

Hey, remember when I thought you were going to be a serial killer?

That was my friend grinning from ear to ear, arms open and ready for a hug- not a (((hug))).

That was also my friend's pastor standing next to her.... they claim it wasn't because of lack of faith in me.;) I say that was a God thing. He sent a servant at that time to send a little reassurance to both of His daughters. This was His plan, and His guiding hand was on it, starting last August.

After an evening of many laughs, tear wiping- from the laughter, and belly aches- from the laughter, it was time to meet her family. More "strangers".

One by one her children greeted me with a hug- how sweet are these kids?! I think to myself.And then I see the 13 year old. Coming from the kitchen, butcher knife in hand. . .

. . . And I knew... these were my people. We howled with laughter as she says "oh, no. We won't hurt you..." Simply amazed. She took the mostly unspoken fear, and brought laughter. Tension melted away.

As I met her friends one by one- preparing for a retreat on a mountainside- I was simply amazed.

The dearest women in the world, and maybe a little goofy too.

To be loved by one, is to be loved by all. These women shared their lives, their hearts, their faith, most important, they shared their love.

I left for California to meet one stranger.

I left California with an extended family of 7 and 6 fabulous friends whom I have been able to laugh, cry, and pray with. These friends and family radiate the joy and love of Christ. To say that He wasn't there would be impossible.

I'm Simply Amazed.

To my dear sweet Sister Bina. Words cannot express the joy that came with meeting you Face to Face. The fears gone. The insecurity wiped away. To pray, to laugh, to hold, to cry, to sing. (some of us more off key than others *ahem*). This past weekend was a gift so much greater than I could have ever imagined. I now miss you- and those looks- and I look forward to another day we see each other face to face.

God has brought us together through this crazy internet life. And I thank Him for you. I love you.

God is Good!!!

Sneak Peek

2010-10-11T21:22:00.001-05:00

Haven't had time to put a real post yet, but here are some sneak peeks to show that we are having a great time!

Huntington Beach

Our names in the sand.

I promise I will soon have an actual report, but for now, this is as good as it gets! ;)

But WAIT! Head on over to Bina's Pad and check out what she's got to say about this... ;)

Unedited

2010-10-07T05:00:00.002-05:00

We sit at computer screens and share our lives. Our joys. Our sorrows. Our fears. Our hopes Our laughter. Our tears.

Yet we edit.

I can't tell these people how much I yelled at my daughter this morning over a pair of shoes!

I can't tell them how long it took me to find this verse that I wanted to share- that maybe I'm not as knowledgable as they think.

Thank goodness these people didn't hear what I said. Or thought.

Here's a good picture of me, at least you can't see how big my bottom is in it!

Let me put make-up on just so before taking a picture for this.

Type something funny and witty. Delete. Re-type. Delete. Re-type.

Crop here. Edit that.

We share our lives, yet we're able to tuck away the parts that cause our insecurities. Today, I will come face to face with one whom I've shared so many of those joys, sorrows, laughs, tears, and hopes with. FACE to FACE. For the first time.

There is no editing.

My thoughts invade:
She'll be able to see all of me- fluffy tummy and all. What if she's repulsed?

What if she is annoyed by my loud laugh?

She'll be able to see all of me- fluffy tummy and all. What if she's repulsed?

What if she's driven over the edge by my chatter and frustrated that as soon as more people are there, I clam up.

What if I cry to much during the retreat, or not enough. What if I giggle at the most serious time because that's what happens sometimes.

What if she finds me boring. What if we have nothing to talk about (so not likely!) What if I say something I would have preferred to delete and re-type.

She'll see me. All of me. Unedited.

I am bursting with joy and nervousness at the anticipation of a weekend with a friend that God has led to me. A friendship that only He can weave together from the heart of the midwest to the California coast. A time of reflection and spriritual renewal in the mountains of California.

I can't wait, dear Bina. To see you face to face. Unedited.

All who are weary

2010-10-05T04:00:00.001-05:00

Going through the motions. Checking off my lists one by one. Go here. Do this. Don't forget about this.
Sign here. Write this check. Fill out this form. Pack this. Wash that.

Weary. My eyelids are heavy. I want to stop. I want to find rest. It's cry or sleep.

Three times within the week that I have felt this way a verse is spoken. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29

Once in a book. Once in this blog by Duane Scott. Once at my uncle's funeral.

All made me stop and weep. The last one just made me stop. Will I wait until a church is full of people remembering my life before I'm able to rest? Or will I find Him now. Come before Him now. It sounds to good to be true, that we can rest in Him. But we can. And I will.

Complete Randomness

2010-10-01T04:00:00.001-05:00

Because it's Friday and my head is full or random thoughts from the week.
So, here it goes.

1. My bedside lamp burned out. I have no bulbs to replace it. So I did what every wife of the year would do... stole my husband's light bulb. He'll never know... shhh....

2. That little insignificant bug that I mentioned Wednesday is continuing to bless my life... Hunh. Maybe he wasn't so insignificant after all.

3. That new show on CBS, Mike and Molly- cracks me up. It just does.

4. It is fall. It is not raining. It's beautiful.

5. We might get frost this weekend.... I'm trying really hard not to mention pumpkins, as it seems that I have the last few Fridays...but I'm a little worried about the pumpkin supply... just sayin'

6. I wonder if anyone will show up to Bible study this week? Wanna join me? Anyone? Ironic that our topic is Identity and purpose. Perhaps I misunderstood a calling?

7. The most disturbing thing from my week... my 7 year old daughter has a more active social life than I do. 3 Friday nights in a row she has had plans... I don't have plans for ANY Friday nights! Except next week. Which I'll tell you about next week. Or the week after that.

Y'all have a great weekend!!

Insignificant Me

2010-09-29T04:00:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was blessed (as blessed as one can be to ride a bus with a bunch of 4th graders and chase them around a pond all day) enough to go along on my 4th grade son's field trip. We learned about Iowa wildlife, searched for tracks, learned about the prairie grasses, and were introduced to some bugs.
Most of what we talked about or identified had a distinguishable purpose in the ecosystem. But, not all of them.

We came upon a lace bug- while it was interesting to look at and unique, when asked what the point of this bug was, our guide said it didn't have much of a purpose. And then she said something that I can't get out of my head. "Some creatures were not made to be significant. They may never be more than the bottom of the food chain."

I thought that it was a depressing thought at first. And then on the ride home I thought about it some more. In this world we are so driven to be the best. Who can make more money. Who has the bigger business. Who has the biggest house. Who has the fastest car. Who has the most read blog. It is ingrained in us every day.

And I sit on the sideline and watch this go by. I have never been driven to be the best at anything. I am a hairdresser. Did I ever dream of being the greatest hairdresser to the stars? No. I have never in my work of any kind, dreamed of being anything great. I want to do my job, respect those I come across and come home. I am a foster parent. Do I strive to take in more kids than anyone else to earn a reward. No. That scares me! Yes, its great to help, but its not my goal to save the world. I am a blogger. Do I hope to have a great big blog with thousands of followers and make money from this? No. I am just here, getting stuff off my chest and hopefully brightening one or two people's day. I have no huge aspirations for my life. I never have. I have never wanted to be the next greatest anything.

For a long time, this made me feel like I was lazy or unmotivated. What was wrong with me that I never dreamt of the way it could be? Then, today, I was reminded that sometimes we are just created and not called to be something significant. And you know what? That is okay.

My hope doesn't rest in my success. My hope rests in Christ. This is my goal. To be a positive example and a light for Christ. To share Christ's love with everyone. Not by being the next Max Lucado, Rick Warren or Billy Graham. Just by being Alicia- daughter of a Savior, Sinner, wretch, humble, broken, mom, wife. If I can leave this world and only my husband and children say "She lived for God and we think she was the greatest", then my life was just as significant as if 5 million people said I was great.

I am not saying no one should have goals and dreams to be great. God made us all for a purpose and He will use each of us in His own way. I'm just telling you, that if you sometimes feel insignificant as I do, it's okay. God's using you, too. You're doing just what He wants you to.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40

Do you feel as though your purpose is the bottom of the food chain? Or are you working on being the king of the jungle?

(*Top picture from field trip, no idea which kids are in the picture, but they aren't mine. ;)
bottom picture from the millipede plague of 2010, I'm still working on learning their life's purpose, but rejoice that they have decided to fulfill it further away from my home)

Because my pantry looks like this...

2010-09-24T04:00:00.003-05:00

...I feel the need to share pumpkin recipes today.

Yes, I may have panicked a bit at the thought of running out of pumpkin. I went to Sam's club hoping for the usual trio of 3 giant cans, but they must have caught on. They only sold pumpkin in the mixes now... so instead of $4.88 (total guess) for my 3 cans, I payed $8.99 (true story) for a mix that has 2 cans inside there. I may or may not use the rest of the stuff in the box. What can I say, ladies all around me were talking about the shortage while hoisting cases of these mixes into their giant carts. I panicked. Then I went to our local grocery store and they still had some, so being the reasonable person that I am, I snatched some up.

I will say that this is the only picture for today as I'm not actually making anything today. Because then I'll eat it and then my favorite jeans won't fit me. If I had somewhere to bring it all I promise y'all I'd make it and take pictures. But what I lack in pictures, I'll make up for in mulitple recipes. I know... try to contain yourselves.

Let's start off with the easiest one, no my favorite one... we'll go easiest first. Yeah. Let's go with that.

Pumpkin Dip

2 8oz packages cream cheese- softened

1 15 oz can pumpkin

2 cups sifted powdered sugar ( I never really sift it, just don't pack it)

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp ground sugar

Beat cream cheese and pumpkin until smooth, add remaining ingredients.

Cover and refrigerate an hour. Serve with apple wedges, gingersnaps, or my personal favorite- Cinnamon graham cracker sticks.

Okay, now my most favorite pumpkin recipe ever!

Pumpkin Dessert

6 eggs

3 cups (2 cans) pumpkin

2 cups Evaporated milk

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 tsp salt

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp ginger

1 tsp ground cloves

Mix all ingredients well and pour into a greased 9x13 pan

Then:

Combine 1 box Butter Pecan* cake mix and 1/2c melted butter - this will be crumbly.

Crumble on top of pumpkin mixture in pan

Bake 1 hour at 350*

Serve warm with whipped topping. Store in fridge.

*Other recipes I've seen call for yellow cake or white cake mix, and while those will work fine, give the Butter Pecan a try- it's sooo much better! ;)

Okay, since we're already here I'll give you one more.

Pumpkin Bars with Cream Cheese frosting

4 eggs

1 2/3 cups white sugar

1 cup vegetable oil

1 (15 ounce) can pumpkin puree

2 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon salt

Mix first 4 ingredients together in mixer until light and fluffy. In a separate bowl mix dry ingredients together. Gradually add to the pumpkin mixture.

Spread into an ungreased jelly roll pan bake 25-35 minutes at 350*

Frosting

6oz cream cheese

1 stick butter

3 cups powdered sugar

2 tsp vanilla

Beat together and spread over cooled bars

I hope I've given y'all your fill of pumpkin for the month now. Do you have any favorite pumpkin recipes to share? It looks like I won't be having a shortage this year, so I'd appreciate any new recipes!

But I don't wanna

2010-09-22T04:00:00.001-05:00

Do you ever have that moment....

that one where you're called to do something you don't want to?

Do you give God this?

"I just don't want to?!"

Followed possibly by a ...

"Oh. Wait. What?"

Here are some verses that I'm trying to swallow when I hear those gentle nudges and I'm tempted to say "ugh, but I don't wanna"

1 John 5:2-3 (New International Version)

This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome

1 John 5:2-3 (The Message)

. The reality test on whether or not we love God's children is this: Do we love God? Do we keep his commands? The proof that we love God comes when we keep his commandments and they are not at all troublesome.

The view up here

2010-09-20T08:31:00.000-05:00

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Psalm 19:1

(picture taken landing at the Omaha airport on our return flight from San Antonio)

This just in...

2010-09-17T04:00:00.002-05:00

Did you hear?!

I had no clue.

It was a total shock.

Evidently I live under a rock.

There has been a pumpkin shortage.
Yes, folks, that is right. Pumpkins are just not ripening in these wet summers.

I went to my local grocery store yesterday because I was making some yummy pumpkin bars for Bible study and to sell on my garage sale- everyone needs to keep up their energy level whether discussing Biblical views of cremation or backing over innocent children's easels that their mothers are using for a garage sale sign, right?

Anyway, I digress. As I was at the check out with my supplies which included canned pumpkin, my favorite checker exclaimed "We have pumpkin again?!" and I thought she was going to run off to go stash some away for herself. She then explained to me that there has been a shortage and just a few short days prior to this they had none and didn't know when it would be coming in. Everyone's been talking about it I'm told. I must come out from under this rock in which I live and turn on the TV I guess. I then told her I still had a giant can in my pantry from last year and just wanted extra in case I made more bars. The look on her face... it was like it was war time and I told her I had extra sugar rations. Or so I imagine, because being 31 and all I really don't know anything about WWII or how people reacted to that situation. But I imagine it was close.

This alleged pumpkin shortage was then confirmed as I served my bars at Bible study that night and one lady exclaimed "Are those PUMPKIN bars?! I wanted those last week and couldn't find pumpkin anywhere!"
That was all the proof I needed to know that this was a legitimate problem. And now I am stocking up and hoarding my pumpkin. October is just around the corner and I know those pumpkin lovers will be coming to me like an addict in need of a fix. And I will help them out. For a price of course. Just kidding, the sheer delight in their eyes will be enough for me.

Now, go out and get some pumpkin... we'd hate to have a pumpkin pie-less Thanksgiving.

For Sale

2010-09-15T05:00:00.005-05:00

So here it is, that time of year once again. City Wide Garage Sales! Are you ready?

Time to watch out as you innocently go out on your errands, there may be mom in a mini-van inching her way down the road, not sure if she wants to commit to stopping at that garage sale.

Then there's the other mom in her giant SUV who decides at the last minute- or even beyond the last minute- that she DOES want to stop at that one a half a block away.

The moms driving while holding up their garage sale map talking on the cell phone to their friend on the other end of town.

Did I mention the tug of war over the stroller or perhaps that pack 'n' play? Oh, my personal favorite.... the mob at my garage ~~ready to strike anything that makes a sudden move in front of them~~ patiently waiting for me to open the door.

You should know that I am mean and stubborn... and easily entertained. I refuse to open the doors even a minute early, no matter how restless the mob is or how bottlenecked the cul-de-sac gets. I enjoy watching from my windows laughing and even on occasion snapping pictures. I know, I'm sick. I started my stubborn streak for valid reason-I didn't like showing up to garage sales with items I hoped for at the time they were set to open, only to find out they decided to open an hour earlier because they just did. See, so I really am doing the people a service. Ummm... yeah. Something like that.

Are you a garage saler? Do you enjoy the thrill of the hunt? Do you pitch and purge your own garbage in hopes of it becoming someone elses treasure? Or do you save and hold on to your own treasures and never want to give them up?

If you're in my neck of Iowa this week, be sure to stop by, I have plenty of treasures to give away! ;)

Playing Catch-Up and Counting Blessings

2010-09-13T05:00:00.001-05:00

It occurred to me that I never did share the kids' first day of school pics... or my birthday breakfast pics for that matter. The breakfast ones will not be happening- due to the whole-early-morning-no-makeup-still-in-bed-factor, but here are the first day of school pics, and an equally fun birthday pic- Miss Maicy wanted nothing more than for us to get pedicures for MY birthday. I know, she's so giving and sweet- as long as she could have one too. :) It was fun to watch her get her first pedi- wish I had had my camera for that.

Where have my babies gone?!

So, its a little late, but better late than never right?

I am going to try to uncurl myself from the fetal position this week and choose to embrace the busy life that these big kids are bringing me. I'll let you know how that goes.

In all the busyness I am choosing to count my blessings. This week I am thankful for the Christian School where my children go. I love that their little hearts are being shaped and molded in ALL aspects of their life to see God at work. I am grateful for God providing the means for us to pay for that education. The teachers who show God's love to these kids.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it"

Proverbs 22:6

I didn't mean to...

2010-09-09T05:00:00.001-05:00

...it just sort of happened. A week goes by, and I haven't really turned on the computer. I haven't felt the need to check Facebook every hour. I didn't read 60 blog posts. I just lived the life going on around me. And the good news is, my world didn't fall apart. Apart from the occasional school webpage check and email, and what ever is available on my Blackberry, I didn't hit the computer. I have to say, it was a freeing week. I enjoyed time with family over the long weekend. Steve's sister and brother-in-law came down to our Nebraska acreage and we played. We had fresh air and enjoyed the mild fall days. The cool evenings around the campfire, the crisp mornings in the porch with a piping hot cup of coffee, a late night stroll in the dark through the woods to seek out critters, an even later night of card games and laughing. No computers necessary. (except to check those rules we always seem to forget between Labor Day weekends).

I have been learning a lot about addictions and strongholds lately and realized how dependant I've become on the computer for my entertainment. I feel that I can't start my day until I've read what everyone else is doing until I do something. I have found myself coveting other people's lives because of what they are doing and what they are making or what they're writing. I needed a little perspective.

I was able after the weekend to enjoy some girlfriend time. We laughed, drank coffee, made rich pasta dishes, and I frightened her to death with pregnancy horror stories. That's what friends do. No computer necessary. (except to help her find a crib online after it wasn't in the stores.)

So, if you missed me, I am sorry. I needed to take a little time to find my way back to the One who gave me all that I am. The One who blessed me beyond measure with amazing family and friends. I needed to step back and see all that I have and all that I am, yet I am nothing without Him. And if you're reading this, thank you for coming back, even after I disappeared. I'll try not to let it happen again, unless He calls me to. I look forward to catching up with my friends, especially with a little better perspective.

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. Titus 2:11-14

Because I'm too tired to think of something else...

2010-09-01T05:00:00.001-05:00

....and my family is still trying to get over the shock that I willingly added two feline creatures to our home, I thought I'd share a different place with you while they recover. For a few months now I have been getting my daily dose of chuckle over at Catalog Living. I felt that it was only right to share that daily smile with all of you. If you are like me- I'm sorry if you are- a little sarcastic and confused when looking at Pottery Barn and other decorating catalogs, you will love this. They have an imaginary couple named Gary & Elaine living in these pristine homes with strangely staged photos. Of course, PB thinks this is a well designed room and well, I prefer Gary & Elaines sarcastic humor instead. So, here's one for you today, and if you want to see more, click on over every day for your smile at Catalog Living.

Table for one…

Gary hated mornings when Elaine went to her early Zumba class, but at least it gave him the chance to reflect on his early sketches and pray to his lucky number.

Seriously though, go check there site for awhile, you'll laugh til you cry. Unless you don't. It's all good.

Additions

2010-08-30T05:00:00.001-05:00

You may remember a few weeks back I told you how Miss Maicy really wants a dog. And how I support her in that goal. And how we said JOKINGLY that if anything should happen to our "beloved" kitty Q-tip, my husband said he'd think about replacing her with a dog.

Well, Q was injured somehow and well, she didn't make it. Now, I know some of you may remember that I made some ~~threats~~ jokes about how to get rid of the Q-meister to gain a canine, but I assure you, despite my jokes, I was probably the saddest. Although Maicy wailed louder.

Anyway, I missed having something run up and greet me when I went outside or drove up the driveway.

Enter in the neighbor veterinarian. And our new houseguests.

Meet Tom:

And Jerry:

What's that? Oh, I realize they don't look like dogs. That's because they aren't.

Guess I have a little further to go before we win that arguement.

In the meantime, these little mousers (I pray) will pass the time.

(He likes my toes...)

And really, I'm having a hard time not liking these little ~~pests~~... er cuties.

Just look at those eyes...

Now if you'll excuse me... I need to take another dose of Claritin.

Dear God...

2010-08-27T05:00:00.002-05:00

The family of 5 sat around the table. Finished eating Mom asked for a volunteer to pray. The young man volunteers "I will! Dear God, Please make sure I get all kinds of Vikings stuff and that new Vikings jersey that I wanted. Amen"
Dad and Mom give each other "that look" but don't crush his spirits completely. They ask for another volunteer. The youngest daughter is eager to show up her big brother. Certain she's got it right. "Dear God, Thank you SO much for making me SO popular! Thank you for not making me act like a dufus like other kids in my class. I'm so glad I'm popular"
Another look passes between Dad and Mom. They look to their 3rd child hoping that one of them has it right. She looks confident. "Dear God, Thank you so much for everything you have ever given us and please help every single person who has any kind of disease"
Mom and Dad give a heavy sigh and state that there is work to be done.

This was the skit that played out in the front of the chapel on that first day of school morning.
At this chapel we as parents and students are introduced to the school's theme for the year. This year- prayer. Praying how God wants us to, not so that we can get Him to do what we want for us.
Pastor Bob continued on after the family stepped down. Asking what a 10 year old boy might want for a birthday gift. His wish at that age- a watch. (this grew chuckles from today's kids as they couldn't imagine that being the top of their wish list, but I guess I, too, am old enough to remember a watch or alarm clock at the top of my list) He remembers how he would do anything for his parents so that they would get him that watch, saying what he thought would work.

Do we pray to God like this? Say what we think He wants to hear so that He'll give us what we want? I know that while they were speaking to the children, I could recognize this in my own heart. We think we can get God to do what we want.

And the day of the gift comes.... it's not a watch in that box. The size is wrong. The weight is wrong. Disappointment creeps in. Until you open the gift, and its even greater than that watch! So much more than you would have ever expected to even ask for!

God's answers are often disappointing to us at first glance. We think we didn't pray right. Didn't say the right words. Or that He just didn't feel we should have it. Yet when we His answer is fully revealed, we often find that His gift is so much more than we deserved. More than we could have hoped. We never could come up with this on our own. Only God could have answered in this way.

I can't tell you how excited I am this year to learn with my children about prayer. I feel that I fall short in this department in my walk. I feel my prayers come across as whining lists or a rush before the next thing. I hope to be able to share more with you. ( for those who were at the chapel, sorry for not giving you anything new. )

One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples."

He said to them, "When you pray, say:

" 'Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come.Give us each day our daily bread.

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.

And lead us not into temptation. " Luke 11:1-4

Vacation Destination: School.

2010-08-25T05:00:00.002-05:00

It has begun.
The school year is upon us.

My daughter woke up at 7am on Tuesday, hurriedly got ready for her day and declared it time to go at 7:30.
My son did much the same, with a much cooler, not bounding down the steps in that childish manner, and said, "Let's go" at 7:30. I stood there looking at them in my pj's attempting to drink some coffee so I could begin to understand what was even happening yet questioning that I really didn't think it was even morning yet.
"We have another hour before we are going"
"WHAT?!" Was the shriek in unison.
Maicy: "Why did I get up so stinkin' early then?!"
Me: "I'm asking myself that very same question right now"

After stalling them off, I reminded them that we have to go to the church by the school for their first day and you would have thought that I declared war on all things pink, purple, sparkly, and polka dotted. The girl had a slight meltdown.

"Why can't we just go to school already?!"

Please, someone remind her of this come January when its dark yet at 8:00am and I cannot pry this child out of her bed and out of her feetie jammies. Please.

They did survive the hour long service and bounced out of the pew as soon as their classes were called and God bless them, they didn't even have the decency to look back and pretend they were going to miss me. Of course I may have arrived home after a peaceful trip to the grocery store and when I saw the neighbor I may have or may not have danced in the drive-way shouting "I'm Free!!" I wouldn't do that.
Jackson then proceeded to tell me at dinner that he's glad I'm not his room mom this year because after all school is his vacation from me and that would ruin everything. I love you too, dear. Thankfully Maicy is still glad I'm her room mom.

(This is where I would insert the token first day of school picture... had I not misplaced the cord somewhere between here and San Antonio.) (Although now that I think about it, I have a feeling its just in Nebraska, since that's where I was when I put my trip pics on my computer. Glad you could all follow along with me talking to myself)

Okay, that's all for now. I'm off to complete my giant to-do list that I made for myself for when they're back at school.

A Whole Lot of Not Much

2010-08-23T05:00:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I took a little more time off than I really had planned to from blogging. I am sorry, for all 2 of you that noticed, but it was a welcome break. I am just trying to soak up these last few moments of summer before the kids start school again this week.

A part of me is ready for the routine and they are ready to see their friends again. But the other part of me is wondering what on earth I am going to do with them gone all day! I will go back to talking to myself I am sure. Don't fear, I'm sure you all will get in on some of my random thoughts more often because of that. I know, try to hold back your excitement.

Of course I have decided to go for mom of the year and schedule my son's dentist appointment for the afternoon of the first day of school. I know, I'm the best, he told me so. I really couldn't help it, with us being gone all summer it just didn't work to get those appointments in when necessary.

It also dawned on me a couple weeks back that my kids never did swimming lessons this summer. I know I had intentions of scheduling those... but again.. mother of the year. Oh well, I don't really believe that they are in danger for not completing them for one summer when they both swim just fine.

Our mail had been forwarded all summer, which of course led the 3rd class mail piling up at the post office. Friday I went to pick that giant bag of very important mail. Good thing I did. Who knows what I would have done without all of those expired coupons and learning that JC Penney was having the biggest sale ever that weekend.
In this stash of junk mail was a new kids clothing catalog called Tea. The fall collection? "Old World Hungary" My first reaction was of course relief as Maicy had just been lamenting over how she wished there was a store that carried clothes that reminded her of the peasant villages in a European country.The sheer joy in this discovery will ease our distress over clothes immediately.
I will however, admit that some of its pretty cute and if I want to spend $45 on a shirt that my daughter will stain in 2 hours, I will be sure to look further into it. Okay, it is actually more reasonably priced than that, and now that I bashed it, I am sure I will order from it and fall in love with their clothing. Of course, despite the exciting breaking news that they have women's clothing as well I do assure you that I will not be spending $168 on a sweater. That was no exaggeration.

In other mind numbing boring news, that no one cares about, I can't tell you how excited I am that I am now the owner of a Nook! For those who don't know, a Nook is the Barnes & Noble equivalent (or supreme) to the Kindle. I just got it Saturday and got it working yesterday, so I can't give a concrete review, but so far I LOVE it. I went back and forth for awhile on the whole e-book vs written word debate and well, convenience won out when the dear hubby of mine was stumped as to what to get me for a birthday gift and we walked into Barnes and Noble Saturday and my face lit up. So, no, I wasn't surprised by my gift, but that's who cares! Now I can spend my birthday reading whatever I want on my gift.

In the interest of keeping this post as completely random as possible, I have more non-essential information for you. My kids are ~~plotting~~ planning to make me breakfast in bed today. Should be interesting. By the time most of you read this, I'll know how it turned out. Thankfully they had the foresite to call in grandma to assist them with this, so it should work out okay. They have also been busy making me homemade birthday gifts. Should prove to be an interesting and fabulous birthday! I'll try to have my camera handy to capture the breakfast moment. ;)

Well, that is about all of the miscellaneous catching up I can do for now. If you're still here, you're a saint!

So, when do your kids go back to school? Are you celebrating or mourning this time?