I'll be rehydrated by next week...

The hubs and I are back from our quick trip to San Antonio! We had a great time and I can't wait to share some of it with you. Real life is awaiting me (in the form of a giant laundry pile) and my kids are on their way back to me FINALLY! So, for now, I will leave you with proof that I got one updated picture of the two of us..

And had some delicious food...

Thanks for stopping by, sorry I haven't been around to visit your blogs- hopefully I'll catch up this week!

13 years

Thirteen very short years ago I wore my dream dress. Not too frilly, not fussy, but made me feel pretty dress.

I stood at the entrance to the long hall in church and saw him up there. Get me to him.

I gracefully walked down, holding - er, clinging onto my dad's arm, tears glistened my eyes and I *que record scratching* What?! Okay, I bawled like a baby, I accidently had my tissues in the hand of my bouquet, so everytime I wiped the snot away from my nose, the bouqet was blocking my face. It was a priceless moment. But at least he didn't run.

Thirteen years have come and gone. I can honestly say that I love him volumes more today than I did back then. We were so young, so crazy. We have had our ups and downs, but there is no one I'd rather have waiting for me at the front of the church than him.

I love you more than anything, Steve,Thanks for putting up with me for all these years!

( and perhaps while we're on vacation together this week you'll let me get a good updated picture of the two of us? This one seems a little dated. )

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Finally Friday

Its been awhile since I joined in the fun of Caffeinated Randomness at Over Grace and Under Coffee, so i thought it was high time.

This has been the most random summer, it should be easy.

It is so hot here that I just feel fried. 95 degrees, plus the humidity makes for a lot of cranky people.

In fact, we decided that since its going to be so mild next week here, hubs and I will head down to Texas to share in their 100plus degree days. Why not, right?!

Our "toilet closet" (it is what it is folks) lightbulb has been burned out for over a week. That doesn't stop me from flipping the switch everytime I am going to go in there.

I still have no idea what the TV channels are since the Premier Cable company ruined my life. Now I flip aimlessly until I give up and find something to clean instead. I believe they work for my husband.

I went to my first rodeo last week... we had a blast! Didn't help my daughter wanting a horse...

(that's the best pic I could get of the barrel racers, sorry)

My kids also got to experience cotton candy the way I remember, being spun on a stick before your eyes that bigger and bigger with the ball of floss on the stick.

I could watch that all day.

There are less than 2 weeks left until my kids start school! I really am not sure what I'm going to do, but I am sure I'll find a way to keep busy.

Maybe I'll use that time to find something worthwhile to talk about.

Maybe not.

Y'all have a fantastic weekend!

We interrupt this regularly scheduled inspirational blog for a rant about TV cable

Okay, first off, stop laughing that I used the word "inspirational" to describe my blog. Yes, okay, a chuckle, but really, pick yourself up off the floor. Thank you.

I would like to say that in reality I don't spend a ton of time watching TV. And there are very few shows that I get to watch enough to be hooked on them. After supper the whole homework, backpack packing, baths, bedtime, etc kind of gets in the way. So the TV won't come on before 9:00 during the school year. And in the summer we're to busy outside to care. Except of course with Wipeout as the exception to that rule. Because, really whats not to love about a bunch of people in spandex and life jackets getting punched in the face and flying mercilessly off of giant red balls into a vat of mud?!

But I need to admit that I do have a guilty TV watching pleasure. The Real Housewives. I don't care if its New York, Atlanta, OC, New Jersey (totally my favorite one!) I watch them all. And DC starts soon. I have missed most of the summer season of New Jersey which is breaking my heart, but thank goodness for TV online, due to not having cable on our acreage.

Where the problem comes in is, I am home again. Ready to catch up. Check out all the crazy drama that's been going on and will start again. Last week I flipped through the channels to find my loyal Bravo station.... I couldn't find it. Premier Cable changed our lineup. Well, surely its in here somewhere, so like any desperate sensible woman, I flipped feverishly trying to find Bravo- my other show I love, Top Chef. Two shows people, that's all I need to watch in my life. I finally give up and look up online to see where they could have tucked that beloved channel of mine.

They didn't.

It's gone.

Not completely.

They moved it up to the next bracket. Because I don't give them enough of my money already, if I want that ONE stinking channel, I have to get 50 more worthless channels. For a dandy price increase.

How can you do this to me Premier?! What does Premier even mean?! Premier at frustrating housewives? Premier at disappointing innocent people? Premier at taking more of my money? This may be the end of our relationship, Cable. Its been a nice run.

That is all. I thank you for listening to this very shallow rant about a show that I am sure I have no business watching. I realize I lost many of you back at inspiring. If you're still here, you're good people. Will you send me a copy of this season?

Following the Path

Last week I finally had the privilege of using our rider mower. I have never in my life ridden a rider mower and I will admit that I was nervous. This is a zero-turn mower that takes a little more coordination to make go where you want. My crash course was quite comical as my husband just shook his head.

But the day finally came when I decided I felt ready to start it up alone and get the job done.

As I mowed along, I attempted to follow along the green paths. Crooked lines with sharp jags surprised me reminding me of the sneeze that made me jerk right, or trying to get my cell phone out of my pocket that caused a sharp left. The bug swatting that left a zig-zag reminiscent of Charlie Brown's shirt.

As I attempted to find my path each time around, I couldn't help but think of the path our family has gone on this past year. Zigs and zags, sharp lefts left in our wake caused by unexpected things around us, or just not holding on tight enough.

I can't see the path clearly all the time, but I know its there. I can't always see God's path for me, but I know its there. I don't always see the twigs laying in my way, but I have the power to overcome them. I sometimes have to duck to stop from hitting my head on a branch, but I can get through them. And at times I feel as though I am sliding out of control on the side of a hill on slippery grass, yet I'm okay when I get through.

God knows my path.

He will see me safely through.

With all the twists and turns, He will guide me.

I can't thank everyone of you enough for the kind words of support and encouragement after my last post. You overwhelm me. To have you care that much is beyond words. I cried with each comment I read. You are the flowers blooming along my path. God bless you.

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;  guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4-5

A Year Ago

I feel stuck. I remember me last year at this time. I go back and check what I wrote last year, yup. I remember. All of it comes racing back to me. The doubts I've had over the past year. The worry that I've done something wrong. Remembering what it was that prompted me to start a blog in the first place. Remembering what made me wish I had never let so many people into my home and my heart. Having to come clean and admit defeat. One year has passed and yet I feel the emotions just the same as I did back then. Most of you reading this today have no idea what I'm talking about. So, I will share with you a post from one year ago. We had 2 foster girls living with us at the time that I wrote this.

I know I haven't updated in awhile.... it seems that 4 kids keep me busy, who knew?! And also, I have been waiting to update. We have had some major decisions to make and it hasn't been easy.


I know that our decisions will come with judgement from many, although we hope that you trust that this has been prayed over and looked at from every angle and that we have to put our family first.

We have decided to have the girls moved to another home. This is not a decision made lightly. Yes, it was short-lived, but we feel that to avoid more hurts, we need to do this before attachments are made. Let me explain as much as I can some of the reasons for this decision. Mostly it boils down to Steve being gone. *Let me quick take a moment to clarify for my dear husband who at certain places around town has been asked why he moved out and left his wife that we are so not separated and he hasn't left us! :) He is working out of town- out of state actually, because that is where the work is. Please stop harassing the poor guy! ;) *Okay, that's done. Because of him being away for the better part of the weeks, and the outlook on this ending looking farther and farther out all the time, we feel its best.

I am unable to be a "single parent" for 4 children. To double the number of kids we have overnight, and then be left alone, has not been good for me or my kids. Believe me, I feel like a complete and utter failure. I hate that I have to admit my weaknesses and to say " I can't." Well meaning people tell me "oh, but its so good for those girls and you can do it" but no, I can not do it. There are too many struggles with them that are hurting my children emotionally and physically and the guilt of that is overwhelming. My family needs to come first. I have not been a good mom to anyone this week. I am over stressed and over tired.

For those of you saying "well of course its hard, didn't she know it would be hard?!" to you I say, yes, I knew that. But, I have to accept my limitations. I fully believe that God has brought us to this point to show me what I can't do. I can't do this. And that is okay. It's part of the storm. And this is how the storm will go well, is for us to step away. Our kids are relieved, although of course they will still miss having them around sometimes.

The door to this process is not closed for us either. I just now have a better understanding of what we are able to do. Siblings of this age are most likely not for us. I still have a heart for fostering, and for adopting. But, through this process, I have received one thing that I never saw happening in my life before and that is contentment. For years while we struggled with infertility I was grasping for more, no matter if that was before we had any children, after one, after two, I never felt complete or content. I now feel that if this is what God has for us, I am at complete peace with having only my own 2 children, and they are enough.

This has been a growing experience for us. This has been a rough journey thus far. But one thing remains the same and that is that God is the God over all of us. His compassions for us will never fail and He will continue to walk with us and lead us through paths of righteousness, for His name's sake.

I will continue to update here, and I will let you know when the girls are placed in another home. We ask you to pray for them as they move, that they may adjust quickly and that God will lead the DHS workers to the right home for them - soon. Pray for our children as they work through their feelings about all of this. Pray for me that the guilt I have felt may subside.

I can't thank you all enough for all of you support and prayers. I ask that you continue to walk with us on our journey, no matter where that takes us. You have all been amazing sources of inspiration and love and peace for us, and words can't express how grateful we are for you.


I know I serve the same God today as I did a year ago. I know that these girls are in a good and stable adoptive home. It doesn't make me question our lives any less. I still do. I still wonder what will come of our decision to foster to adopt. I wonder often why God plants these desires in us, just to let them sit and fester and have nothing come of it. Yes, I am still practicing contentment. Yet I wonder when His plans will be shown to us. I worry about being too settled in our cozy little family- knowing we were called to stretch and grow. So, this is where I am at right now. Thanks for listening- for some of you, thanks for listening again.

How does your garden grow?

It's that time of year. The beans are being plucked from their plants. Cucumbers grow along the ground. Zucchini are bursting and gardeners are giving away their wares before they go crazy with all of the veggies coming forth.

Remember that this year I was going to start a garden? You can revisit my enthusiasm here. For those of you who don't wish to click back, here is a picture to refresh your memory. My seeds. Starting to grow already. Waiting for a garden to be tilled up so they can find their beds for the summer.

I remember dreaming of tomatoes, peppers, onion, cucumbers, herbs, homemade salsa....

And now. I will share with you how delirious I really was.

Here is my garden now.

Look impressive? Need a closer look?

Look what I've grown.

Weeds. Tall, tall weeds. Taller than my kids.

Almost as tall as me.

How did this happen you may ask?

Its quite simple, really.

My husband still did not want to till me a garden!

And yes, he did still ask how my veggies were coming along.

So, I have a beautiful weed patch.

Luckily there were still some black berries that survived the weed infestation. We managed to sneak a few. (I managed to pick up some chiggers in the process)

He looks guilty doesn't he? We'll never make that pie if he keeps this up! ;)

So, now my dear husband took the skid loader, in a moment of weakness by me, and took out the remainder of the garden,  and I will try for raised garden boxes next year instead of the giant weed patch.

How are your gardens growing? Is your thumb green, or a bit more brown like my own?