Okay, he isn't my baby. He is my firstborn. My preemie. My fighter. My stubborn one. My sensitive boy. My giver. My funny one. (okay, they're both hilarious). My sarcastic child- I wonder where he gets it?
He spent the first 2 months of his life in a plexi-glass box. Helping to grow those tiny lungs. He's always been a bit impatient- felt the need to come into this world 11 weeks early.
Now. He is ELEVEN. How did that happen?
First time holding.. I would find a picture of the isolette, but we have just moved and I can't find my shoes, much less a picture.
He still spends his days confined to a plexi-glass box. In an ice arena. We wouldn't have it any other way.
No one could have told me when I had that tiny 3pounder in my arms that some day I would be watching him skate on the ice week after week after week taking down big kids and little kids in his way. I am not sure I would have dared dream it possible. I was told by some "caring stranger" shortly after we were home from the hospital that he would always be weak.
Thank you for your unsolicited advice, but, I beg to differ. My God is bigger than that.
.
Happy Birthday, Jackson! You make us so very proud to be your parents! You are a walking, talking, skating miracle. Non-stop talking miracle.
No really, I'm talking, could you just shush for a minute?! Please!? Oh fine, carry on.
This is a repost. Today marks one year since my Grandma passed away. Some days I still think that I am going to give her a quick call or stop in for some of her famous St Nick cookies. And then I remember that she's already Home. I miss her here on earth terribly, yet I rejoice in the life that I can't even begine to imagine that she has lived in Heaven this past year. Love you, Grandma Pearl!
You know when you are reading a really good book... and you near the end of it with just a few pages left... and you don't want to finish it? You don't want the book to end despite knowing its going to be great. You just don't want to be not reading that book so you try to draw it out longer?
Maybe that's just me.
This week my Grandma's story was completed.
I knew it was coming and I knew it had to end, but there is still that overwhelming feeling of sadness that it is actually over.
It was a great story, my Grandma's. I've written bits of her story many times in my life. The whole thing is just too much for one book. It's not a story of great riches or thrilling adventures in far away places. It's not a story that boasts of one's life. That's not what made her story great.
Her story was great because it was written by God and it was for God. And she knew it.
There was poverty, death, deceit, and hurt. But there was always HOPE. My Grandma's hope was in the Lord and no matter what was thrown her way, she was steadfast in that faith. If she was going to tell you a story that was about hurts and hardships, it was to prove that God was there with her. When her family didn't know where their next meal would come from, God provided. When her husband passed away unexpectedly on their 25 wedding anniversary, God was there. And that is what she wanted to make sure you knew by the time the story was over. God. Was. There. Always.
Hers is also a story of JOY. She would do just about anything for anyone. She made everyone feel as though they were her favorite. She had a cheerful heart, welcoming people into her home. Sharing baked goodies. Sharing a good story. She loved to help out, that gave her and those around her great joy.
Maicy and Grandma Pearl, Thanksgiving 2009
Jackson and Grandma Pearl, Thanksgiving 2009
God made her story great. Her story was written for God.
And as I write, I know the truth.
This earthly story is just a prologue. Her real story is just beginning.
I love you Grandma. You will be greatly missed, but the stories which you have woven into my heart and the memories will be with me.
Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
It seems as though have completely forgotten that I have a blog! Okay, I haven't forgotten exactly, I have just been... well.... avoiding it. Not for any particular reason. Mostly lots of little reasons that make up a good enough excuse for me to stay away from pretty much all blogs in general. However, I miss it. I miss my friends that I only know because of this blog and theirs. So, I am getting my feet wet once again and going to hopefully be around more often.
I will start off the year (I do not care that it is already January 9! The year is just beginning!) Anyways, I can't begin at this time and not look back at 2011. I started off by writing about my ONE WORD for the year. I chose STORY for my year.Feel free to re-fresh your memory...I'll wait. I had no clue what God had in store for my story in this year. I just knew that without a doubt, this was the word He wanted me to keep in my head. And then... just 2 days later I found out what His purpose was in that one word. Enter in: Charlie Brown. Go ahead and refresh your memory on that one. I just did and oh. My. It all came back to me like a tidal wave. I had no idea writing out those words declaring my absolute trust in God to protect and guard our hearts, just how much my faith would be tested. Of course, as I wrote those, I think I felt pretty confident that it would go MY way. Oh. What a difference a year can make.
I shared in June that Charlie Brown would be returning to his mother in August. I don't know if I ever mentioned that we would know more in November after the review. This update is looonggg overdue as it is no longer November. And yes, that IS in fact the last time I posted. And if you want to get all Freud on me and discuss whether or not our November court date had anything to do with me not posting since that time, well, you just do what you need to. I told myself over and over and over that I knew it was coming and therefore no. big. deal. So. Anyways. After feeling like my life was on hold for 6 months and that I was holding my breath waiting for what I was told would be a permanency hearing, it was clear that Charlie Brown would stay with his mother. Court was just a review to see how she was doing. I wasn't shaken or shocked. Nothing changed.
Except that I could breathe. Sometimes just knowing makes the hard road easier.
He continued to be faithful. He continued to protect my heart. He protected my children. He held us close.
He not only held us, but he opened our eyes prior to the court hearing. He showed me so that I wouldn't be caught off guard. Because He is good and faithful, I can share my story. And it is a good story. How could it not be? God is a good author.
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood. This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long; This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long
Still Praising my Savior.... for it is HIS story...
I feel that some things need to be said and while the words may never be heard by the ones I have on my heart as I write them, but they need to be laid out just the same. Maybe it can help someone. Anyone.
Young people all around are hurting and my heart is heavy with their pain.
Every day we, as people, make hundreds of choices.
Sometimes you don't realize you are even making them. Other times it seems as though you agonize for a long time over what to choose. Many times, you make choices that don't seem to affect the rest of your days, weeks, months or even years. It was just another one of many choices. No big deal.
But there are times when we see the immediate effect of that choice- good or bad. And you deal with what is left afterwards.
And sometimes you feel as though the choices you have made are going to pull you under completely.
One after another.
The effects are on going and not for the way you had hoped.
Your world seems hopeless and you don't want to face another day.
You fear you have hurt those close to you one too many times and that they don't want to deal with your problems anymore.
You fear you can't go home.
Why would they want you there anyways?
Friends have desserted you.
Mocked you.
Shamed you.
The whispers as you walk into a room.
The knowing looks from those who you pass.
You hear the names.
Failure.
Loser.
Slut.
Addict.
Worthless.
Words that cut. Words that hurt. Words that cannot define you. Words that you were never meant to carry the way you do.
You are not those words.
You are not the choices you have made.
You are not a mistake.
Failure. Chosen Loser. Loved Slut. Pure Addict. Free Worthless. Cherished
I know that to your hearts it sounds cliche, but you really are chosen, cherished, loved by God. And by so many around you. If you look, you will see more people who love you then scoffers. They are just a few.
God didn't make a mistake.
He really does love you so much that he sent his Son to take over your debts.
Yes. YOU.
It can get better. It WILL get better. This is just one moment in time.
Today, I know so many are hurting. It is my prayer that you can see that YOU are loved and cherished. And YES! YOU! are worth dying for.
And if someone you love is hurting... tell them you love them. No matter what.
Last April Amy Sullivan shared information about an Almost Sleepover idea started by 2 girls from Connecticut. They had their first almost sleepover last October and loved it so much that they wanted to know if other kids would want to do it too... all around the country.
So together with 32 other states, we joined in for the night of young girls learning how they too can make a big difference!
Since October is a long ways from April and life got in the way, I downsized a lot from my original ideas. At first I was discouraged, but Amy was great to remind me that even if it's just us and our girls, we are showing them that even one matters. We are still doing something for someone else and that is what its all about.
So, we had the girls in Miss Maicy's class over for 3 hours of PJ wearing junk food eating, blanket making, crazy dancing, donation collecting fun!
The take-home treats Maicy had fun making the week ahead.
Girls with their things. We collected detergent, bottles, diapers, garbage bags, socks, underwear, cleaners, sippy cups for Mid Sioux's Teddy Bear Den.
The girls also made 3 fleece blankets to give to our local DHS workers to give to kids who often are unable to take anything from their own homes when they are removed.
Goofy girls!
7 hands makes light work. :)
Thanks to Laurie Kinney and her great girls, Delaney and Addy, for teaching our girls that you are never too young to make a difference! See you again next year!!
Every once in awhile I cry out to God, on my knees. Begging, pleading for Him to show me answers.
And every once in awhile, He does just that.
As I drove home from a meeting with Charlie Brown's mom and yet another caseworker, I cried out to Him. The God of the universe. I needed for Him to show me HOW could I possibly make a difference in such a corrupt messed up system. How can the children stand a chance when we are in a major budget pitfall in the state? How can I make a difference as just one person when the state continues to slash social workers jobs, putting on hiring freezes while the case loads grow heavier for them every single day. How can I do anything when attorneys are being forced to cut time spent on cases because no one wants to pay them to do their job.
HOW GOD?!
Nothing in this world makes me feel as small and insignificant as the government at work. I will be the first to admit, I do not follow politics. I do not write my governors, senators, representatives or even town council. So what can I possibly do? I feel helpless God.
No sooner had I gotten the words out of my mouth, with tears streaming down my face as I drive home, then the song "Strong Enough to Save" by Tenth Avenue North came on. "Strong Enough To Save" You fought but you were just too weak so you lost all the things you try to keep now you're on your knees, you're on your knees
But wait, everything can change, in a moments time you don't have to be afraid, cause fear is just a lie open up your eyes
And he'll break open the skies to save those who cry out his name the One the wind and waves obey is strong enough to save you Look now is not too late lift up your head let the rain fall on your face you're not far from grace, your not too far from grace And he'll break open the skies to save those who cry out his name the One the wind and waves obey is strong enough to save you
I know the weight of this world can take you down like gravity and I know the current of yourself can take you out, out to sea but hold on, hold on
I have fought, and yes, I am too weak. But God.
God is strong enough to save.
Even the wind and waves obey Him.
His will be done.
Two toddlers run around. One carefully checking out where the next move should be.
The other running carefree. They collide. The careful one is instantly in tears thinking his life is over from that horrible "crash". The other oblivious and keeps on playing. Crashes are just a part of her day after all.
This is the image that goes through my head as the pastor talks about suffering building character. Resiliance.
Paul talks in Romans about rejoicing in our suffering.
I don't think either child rejoiced about getting hurt, but one didn't let it stop her. It's happened before and she knows she'll be okay. Perhaps she turned to her mom to look for reassurance, and when she received a smile, she knew. All is well.
The hurt child doesn't know this feeling and doesn't like it. I am sure he too ran to his parent. Crying out for her to make it all better all the while wondering how on earth she could let this happen to him! Why would his mom let him get hurt?
Was the mom a bad mom? Was she mean?
No, but she knew he would be okay. She maybe did allow it to happen, but she knew he would watch out next time. Or maybe he would learn to not be so scared, to know that bumps and bruises will happen, but they won't be the end of us.
Is God a mean God because He allows us to get hurt?
Or does He simply wait for us to learn from our hurts. To look to Him to know that it's going to be okay and it will not be the end of us. It may feel like it will be, but it won't.
Because we have hope.
A hope in Christ that no one can take away.
A hope that comes from us being so low we need to look up and ahead.
Not only so, but wealso glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4
How is God instilling HOPE in you today?
Linking up Michelle De Rusha for Hear it, Use it. A great communitiy of faith writers- you really should check it out! :)
