Yet, I missed the point.
I have failed to turn to my God and praise Him. I was here to find contentment and joy and peace that could only be found in Him.
I have stayed away from Him. I still choose other things over my time with Him. Whether it be the computer or a book or a magazine or a TV show or shopping still... for my kids.
I have found new clutter and fed the clutter that gets in the way.
I am still looking for joy and peace and contentment and my closeness to Him.
I have learned that I am just as happy buying for my kids or gifts for someone else as I am for myself or my home, so limiting to it just being about me, really isn't limiting me that much.
I am so disappointed in me right now that I can't even tell you. I didn't want to come here with this update. I wanted the rosy picture saying how GREAT everything is going and how JOYFUL I am now that I have put my focus on Him. And I can't.
So, trying to regain focus, I am learning about the purpose of Lent. The purpose in fasting as this is my first time doing this. And one line sticks with me. Taken from The Banner March 2011 by Dr John Witvliet "Lent was the church's way of saying YES to the free offer of salvation and NO to cheap grace- baptism without discipleship" Interestingly enough- to me anyways- every single time I read that I thought the last word was discipline not discipleship. I need discipline. I don't want cheap grace that is just handed to me with no strings attached. I don't want to just say "yup, I am a Christian, I am saved. I do whatever I want"
I know that I cannot just do as I please.
I need to learn discipline.
I want to BE a Christian. I want people to SEE the difference in me, not just hear me say the words.
Next week, I pray that I have a much better report. And if you see me, feel free to call me on it.
Linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven today...