And it's finally happened...

...I am officially an embarrassment to my son and need to fade into the background like wallpaper.

I sat in my car, dropping this boy who shares my DNA, the boy who kept me hospitalized for a week hanging upside down before he came into this world. This boy who I did all I could to make sure he was well taken care of for 8 weeks in the NICU, this boy who made me relocate for those 2 months, this boy who I have given life to, yeah that one. Anyways, I dropped him off at yet another activity which I had 2 hours notice that it was actually something different then I thought and well, I need BAIT mom. Fishing BAIT. WHA????? Where in tarnation am I supposed to find that now?! I simply asked him to check with the grown ups if it was all good that his mom was a big airhead and didn't know they were doing this and the fact that he is there on time not knowing that he had to be an hour earlier until I learned he needed bait is really impressive enough on its own... and as I waited for him to go and report back to me... he... he... SNUBBED me! He ended up finding his friends and I gave him the hands up like "Well...?" and he waved me off. Not like a 'bye mom! the one who put her life on hold for me, the one who does my laundry and cooks my food and cleans my room and spends her winters inside hockey arenas and driving all over on icy roads so I can spend an hour on the ice'... No. It was a "shoo fly, don't bother me" kind of brush off.  OUCH.



WHY does she keep speaking??


I knew the day would come. And it isn't cool.
But, I do have a secret to getting through this unfortunate phase.

Because I know that on Sunday, after all the eggs had been found, the clay pigeons shot (what? you don't all shoot on Easter Sunday???) and all the family gone... my baby boy laid on the couch next to me and laid his head on my shoulder and napped.

Yeah, the little butthead is still my sweet little man... just don't tell his friends. :)

As I look back on my 2nd week of Lent, I can't help but be grateful. Grateful that I have almost another month to get it right. I read the words back to myself that I wrote when I started this. And I cringe. Did I shop for myself? No, and that is a freeing thing. It isn't all bad when you walk into Target and just KNOW you have to stay out of that ENTIRE SECTION of t-shirts in every color and cute cardigans or that one last thing to get you through the long dreary winter. I am surprisingly thrilled to not be stepping into a dressing room getting depressed at trying things on that don't fit right. I am easily throwing away catalogs by the droves as they come in and deleting emails instantly that are trying to convince me that this is "The greatest sale ever!! Again" . No problem with any of those things.




Yet, I missed the point.




I have failed to turn to my God and praise Him. I was here to find contentment and joy and peace that could only be found in Him.

I have stayed away from Him. I still choose other things over my time with Him. Whether it be the computer or a book or a magazine or a TV show or shopping still... for my kids.




I have found new clutter and fed the clutter that gets in the way.




I am still looking for joy and peace and contentment and my closeness to Him.




I have learned that I am just as happy buying for my kids or gifts for someone else as I am for myself or my home, so limiting to it just being about me, really isn't limiting me that much.




I am so disappointed in me right now that I can't even tell you. I didn't want to come here with this update. I wanted the rosy picture saying how GREAT everything is going and how JOYFUL I am now that I have put my focus on Him. And I can't.




So, trying to regain focus, I am learning about the purpose of Lent. The purpose in fasting as this is my first time doing this. And one line sticks with me. Taken from The Banner March 2011 by Dr John Witvliet "Lent was the church's way of saying YES to the free offer of salvation and NO to cheap grace- baptism without discipleship" Interestingly enough- to me anyways- every single time I read that I thought the last word was discipline not discipleship. I need discipline. I don't want cheap grace that is just handed to me with no strings attached. I don't want to just say "yup, I am a Christian, I am saved. I do whatever I want"




I know that I cannot just do as I please.

I need to learn discipline.

I want to BE a Christian. I want people to SEE the difference in me, not just hear me say the words.




Next week, I pray that I have a much better report. And if you see me, feel free to call me on it.




Linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven today...

It's the thought that counts...

Going on the assumption that it really is the thought that counts, well... you all have had some great reading and entertainment here this week!
However if you can't read my thoughts and have no clue how touching the greatest Christmas Story really is, or how cute it was when my daughter sang "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (her version) on my first ever video post,(I know you all just said a prayer of thanks that you didn't have to torture yourselves with that)  then I guess I'll give you this:

I'm a little bit off schedule this week due to this happening not once.But TWICE yesterday. I have several dozen cut out cookies to get baked and when my oven keeps starting on fire due to the fact that I never bothered to clean up the caramel that spilled from the monkey bread that I made 2 weeks ago just the day before it puts me behind schedule.

So, as soon as I get this all cleaned up, I'll be back.

Or at least I'll be thinking about you.

Doesn't that make you feel better?

What makes me... me

This morning I am off visiting with my friend Diane Estrella. She was brave (or foolish) and asked me an innocent question that she had no idea would stir up so very much emotion for me. She decided to use the verbal vomit placed on her lap and turn it into a positive- isn't that awesome how God uses friends to take what we feel is our worst moment and turn it into something like "awesomeness personified"?! (her words, not mine)
So, while I have yet to forgive her for hijacking the photo of  me that she did (truly, its hijacked from Facebook- or maybe Bina willingly supplied it to her- they are both evil like that) I would love for you to go check out her site today... Diane Estrella: That's What I'm Here For. She has been an amazing friend, and she is the greatest encourager that I have ever meant. Now go!

And if you're visiting from Diane's place, Welcome! Grab a cup of coffee, sit back and let's get to know each other. I hope you'll feel comfortable here.

A painful lesson

Remember the joy and excitement I had over finally getting my camera?! You know, this camera:

Well, now I know. No matter how much you don't want a larger carry-on bag that can hold the camera inside its cushioned case...

...you should suck it up and find a larger carry-on.

Worst Recipe EVER... but I'm gonna share anyway

...only because I have so many pictures of my kids helping me make this catastrophe.

We were making Cherry jam.

I was so excited to make this as we  have a sour cherry tree on our acreage.

Having only ever made Rhubarb jam, I was quite inexperienced with the whole cherry thing, but ready to give it a try.

You have to start by pitting your cherries. Did you know they make a cherry pitter?! I didn't, but now I own one!

I have the oxo brand cherry pitter from amazon.com since that's what was most recommended.

Here is Jackson working hard to make this mess work. With his sister hovering over him of couse telling him just how to do it. Girls. We're all the same.

I had a batch of frozen cherries, and fresh off the tree ones. I recommend not freezing them first! The pit comes out much cleaner on fresh ones. We froze them because I was waiting for my cherry pitter to arrive.

One other downside to freezing first is the mess they make when they thaw.

Case in point: This was before I started. I had the brilliant idea to set them in my colander. With nothing more than a towel underneath

And then I had to move the colander to the sink. This is my floor.

But, I am nothing if not stubborn. So, we press on. Oh yes we do.

On with the cherry pitting!

(normally I would recommend putting away the 5 gallons of bugspray and such sitting on your counter so that no one suspects that is what's making the jam taste so bad)

See the cherry? You squeeze that and then the pit pops out the bottom. In theory of course.

On a side note-(is there anything in this post that isn't a sidenote?!)- if you are going to pit 2lbs of cherries I highly recomment finding 2 gullible children to help. If you don't have your own, go to the nearest park or family member and borrow some. They will save your sanity. (as always, check with parents before removing children from parks)

Okay, after you have your cherries pitted you'll want to chop them up well.

I also added some mullberries to mine because I had them and the kids wanted to go pick them. I figured it couldn't hurt.

Because in the past I have only done freezer jam instead of canning it, I decided to get the pectin for freezer jam. This may have been where my biggest mistake was made.

I ended up using the recipe on the back because I wanted it to properly set up.

I knew it was strange for 2 reasons.

1) you didn't cook it. (yes I see that it says that plain as day on the front, but the only freezer ones said no cook)

2) it only called for 1 1/2 cups of sugar

The end result? Nasty. Worst jam ever.

Oh sure, it looks beautiful, but blech.

Knowing that the amount of sugar was shockingly low- if you've ever made jam or jelly you know that 1 1/2 cups of sugar is nothing.

So, after taking some time away from the jam, I came back the next week and threw it all into a pot on the stove and added about 4 more cups. Now that's jam the way grama meant for it to be.

Goes to show you that you should go with your first instingt, but lesson learned. ;)

So, enjoy?

Or don't.

Just be warned when your jam doesn't call for enough sugar to make your teeth hurt.