It gets a grip on us and sometimes just doesn't let go. Okay, it gets a grip on me.
And I don't do well with voicing my fear. Mostly because I don't always realize that it is fear. But these last few days and weeks I have held in an awful lot of fear.
And what disturbs me the most about my fear, is that it is stemming from a lack of trust. In God. And that hurts me to my very core to admit. I didn't realize it, or *ahem* admit it...
What clued me in? My prayers were going a little something like this... "Please God, we pray for Charlie Brown and that he knows you love him. Watch over his mom and help her to get well (after its too late). Lord, if it be your will, (Lordpleaseletthisbeyourwill)... Do what is best for Charlie Brown (which clearly is to be in our stable home) I know that you love him even more than we can and you won't let him be hurt (except for when you allow those growing moments through tragedy and I am so not wanting that, I read Covenant Child, God. That is NOT what I have in mind here....)
Not very pleasant to look at. And not very pleasant for Him to hear.
Sunday morning I expected to know the story. It was Easter after all.
Do not be afraid!
Do not be afraid!
Why are you scared?
Every time an angel appeared in the Bible they had to start this way. In ancient times people were afraid of what they didn't understand. Today we aren't much different.
The problem is that we seem to feed off of our fears. Scary movies, imagining worst possible scenarios, crime shows. We seem to be addicted to fear.
So when we are told to FEAR NOT, of course its hard to listen to this.
But, we are not simply told to not be afraid.
John 3:16 "For God so loved ME, that He sent his one and only son, so that I may live and have eternal life!"
If my God would do that for me, how can I not trust Him with every part of my life.
I know that God will not promise me that Charlie Brown will be here forever. I know that He won't promise that we may hurt. I know that He won't promise that CB's mom won't hurt. I don't even know if Charlie Brown will be able to have a life away from the evil that landed him here.
What I do know is that God will be with him. God will hold me, my children, my husband, and Charlie Brown. He will be the same God that sent His son over 2000 years ago.
Why should I fear?
Linking up a little late with Michelle,