My first attempt at Lent

A little late?.. yes, I'm used to that these days.
But I have to do this or I will not stick with it.
Here is my lent post, meant to be up on Ash Wednesday, but the thought is just the same, I assure you.

This is my first year participating in lent. I don't know why I haven't done it before, oh wait, the thought of doing without anything generally got in the way. I have used the time to reflect more deeply on the life and death of Christ and read through the gospels more carefully, but as long as I didn't have to sacrifice anything I was good.

Then the other day I sat down to flip through some catalogs that had been piling up. I haven't actually opened any- most were immediately tossed- and I was in the mood to browse. Hubby was sitting next to me feeding the baby and asked what I was doing. I simply said "looking at magazines that make me want to redo everything in our house" (I do believe the answer he was looking for was "junk mail", but he asked). His response has stuck with me ever since... "maybe you could find a magazine that teaches contentment instead". Ouch. That was harsh. But necessary.

I began pondering Michelle's Shop Not challenge. Maybe it is time. Not for a whole year mind you, I'm not that crazy- not that Michelle is crazy, but YIKES!365 days is a LONG time! 42 days sounds doable. I had to set some realistic perameters or I would set up for failure.

After much thinking, praying, scripture reading, I realize that it is about so much more than shopping. It is about my self image. My self doubt. My negative self talk. I think that by buying the next cute top or perfect jeans, I will somehow magically find happiness. And then what happens? That rush fades, the doubts creep in and the shirts shrink. It doesn't do what it did for me the first week I owned it. I look around and think "She" has a much cuter top, if I had that I would feel that good too. And it doesn't work.

The only way to find real and everlasting joy is in Him. And I want that joy. That joy that seems just out of reach too often. That joy that is just waiting for me to pick it up. Right there, all the time. I just have to turn to Him.

So for the next 40 days I will buy no clothing for myself. No shoes, no socks, no jeans, no scarves, no dresses, no tops. Not even on clearance. Especially not on clearance- that's when I say "oh well it doesn't fit great, but it's cheap" Waste of money. I admit this seems enough to send me into a panic, especially seeing as how lent is always (always- I checked) followed by Easter. That means fun new springy outfits to show off as the sun shines more and we come crawling out from this wintery cave we have been in for the last 5 months. (yes, sometimes its the time to get the kids a nice new snowsuit because we are often greeted by an Easter morning snow). So, no new springy Easter morning outfit for me. My kids yes, because well... I already have the boys' stuff.
Also, home decor including baskets, bins, files, vases, pots, blankets, lamps, wall words, and more. I am always trying to find that one more thing that will make it feel "just right". And it doesn't. So I rearrange, I spend, I obsess.
I am putting 1 caveat on that- I have been dresser shopping for both Charlie Brown and Jackson, so if I find the right dresser in the right price range budgeted, I will wait at least a few days, and then decide if it is a worthy purchase. No impulse buying.

And what do I hope to gain from this experience?
Peace.
Contentment.
Joy.
Him.

A closer relationship with God because I am focusing on Him and His word, not me and my wardrobe. Not knocking His creation of me, but embracing the person He has made me to be. Taking joy in what He has done for me. Thanking Him daily for the beautiful home in which I am lucky enough to live in. Two of them in fact. I have nothing to complain about. I need to find my gratitude back and get rid of the whiney and complainy me.

Psalm 32:11 Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous, sing all who are upright in heart.

Matthew 6:29 No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.




Linking up with the Jen and the beautiful group sisters of Soli deo Gloria...

Heard it. Yes, I heard okay?!

I have been wanting to link up Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday with Michelle over at Graceful for quite some time now but between being snowed in at hockey tournaments and computer crashes, I haven't quite gotten that done. Hopefully this is the day.

The fact that is has taken me this long may also have to do with the fact that as a general rule I need to hear things SEVERAL Sundays or times before I really HEAR it. This is no exception to that and I am still struggling. I am hearing, I just don't want to listen.

A few weeks ago I received what I assumed was a random text message. It contained a very nice Bible verse and I read it, smiled, and thought that was lovely. And moved on.
I then went to get the mail and was quite surprised to find a letter from Charlie Brown's (yes, that's the name I'm going with for our foster baby for the sake of this blog since I cannot use his real name- if you saw his head you would confirm that it is quite a fitting title. Ahem.) mom. I was a little bit surprised. Okay, a lot surprised. I didn't think she would have access to my information. Guess again! I wanted to tear it open to see what she could possibly say, and I wanted to tear it up and pretend she didn't actually exist. Turns out that she really is a real person with a real story- whether or not I hear the truth in her story doesn't matter. She is his mom. I still had no desire to talk to her or write her or be nice or anything. I was still ready to tear up the letter and take Charlie Brown and my family and head to Figi. (not really so please do not report me to DHS, they already have my number thankyouverymuch. )

Are you curious about the verse yet? It was about the time I was browsing real estate in the tropics (*ahem*) that the gentle nudge came to reread that text. Fine. I will read it. "Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone". Col. 4:5 NLT.  Nowhere in that verse does it tell me to pack up and flee the country so I decided to re-read it. Make the most of every opportunity. Yes, you certainly did give me the opportunity to present the gospel to an unbeliever, didn't you God. Just like I asked not that long ago. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive.  So...sarcasm will not be appreciated in my response to her then?

I would like to say that all of this alone was convicting enough to change my heart and attitude, but for those of you who know me, I just don't sway that easily. I did promptly text a "thank you" -of sorts- to dear Erin for her oh so timely Bible texts. And I did find a lovely card with some nice verses on it to send my letter back to mom in. On ther surface I do believe I looked quite gracious.

Enter in Sunday. A few Sundays later mind you, but there it was none the less. Let me just share with you a sampling of song titles, if you don't know the songs, google them.
 I Give You my Heart
The Potter's Hand
Have Thine Own Way Lord (mmm-hmmm)
We are an Offering
Make Me a Channel of Your Peace
Take My Life and Let it Be
and of course ...
I Surrender All. 

Now. I like to think I catch on pretty quick. But. I don't always want to.
I am not sure how much more clearly our Heavenly Father could say to me "This is NOT about you. This is not about "the mom". This is not even about Charlie Brown. This is about ME. This is MY story. You are an instrument in MY kingdom to bring people to ME. Whether you like it or not."

Do I know what is going to happen with Charlie Brown? No. Do I know what will happen with "the mom"? Nope. Do I know what will happen to our family? Not a chance.
How do I go on? Because I do know that despite all I don't know, GOD KNOWS. And He will take care of everyone. My only job here is to be a gracious speaker and to show kindness and compassion where I don't want to. My job is to show the light of Christ to a very dark place. I know that I cannot do this. But I do know that God can. And that is all I need to know right now.

To meet Michelle, click the box above to see more great inspiring stories. You'll be so glad you did!

The Love of the Game

They suit up. They put on their game face. Line up to cheer on their teammates.

Skate hard. Defend the goal.

 

Push and shove to keep the puck from entering their goal... maybe a little too much pushing...



Yeah, that's mine in the penalty box...



 These Squirts work hard.
They practice hard and want to win. They fight until the end.

The other teams are bigger, faster, better.

They live and breathe for the sport.

Last weekend, we fought hard.

We lost big.

We know the teams, we know they are going to crush us.

We fight hard anyways.

Game 3. Sunday morning.

Down so many players we only have 3 subs.

Those boys fought hard, played an awesome game.

They were tired.

Heads drooped from exhaustion.

A rival coach comes in.

The blizzard has kept too many of his players away.

They forfeit their game but the boys who are here still want to play.

Can you help us out?

Faces light up.

Eyes sparkle.

Cheers go up.

YES!

These formal rivals are now teammates.

Once exhausted, new life is breathed into them

 3 teams playing as one.

Simply for the love of the game.

The "3 State All-Stars" as they were dubbed by the coach played hard, had a great time, and in the end, tied the game.

What a way to play.

Ch-ch-ch-changing

So I've been a little scarce these days. Going from 2-3 posts a week to 2-3 posts a month may have been a drastic cut.

But I've been busy...

Aside from dodging snowbanks in the middle of the city streets

I've had other things to do.

Things like swapping out my favorite Bath and Body scents for Baby Magic....

And my regular jewelry for some new bling...

And there is the always important To Do List...

I know its around here somewhere, but I just can't seem to find it right now...

This past month has been a whirlwind. We bond, we laugh, we cry, we pray. Oh my. Do we ever pray. So many what ifs are still floating around and just when I think we're good, I fear all over again. But still, we bond, we laugh, we love.

So, I apologize for being a bad blogger. Not visiting other blogs and not writing on my own. I don't see much of my computer and its kind of okay right now. I will try to be a little more faithful, but, sometimes important things come up... like that to do list. Bonding via naps is always on the top of that list.

10 years. A Decade?

I don't know for sure how it happened or when it happened... but my baby got big.
Real big.
10 years ago today we were terrified new parents as we welcomed into this world a 3lb baby boy. 

3lbs 6oz that forever changed us

He was small, but he never failed to let us know that he was the one in charge.

A very proud daddy of a very small baby

 Today, he is not so small, and neither is the joy he brings us.

Jackson, you make us laugh til we cry and if we cry you make sure we end in laughter.

Your sarcastic humor that we all know is from me never ceases to amaze me. Or frighten me.

Your heart of gold is a treasure and I pray that you will never lose that.

TEN YEARS?! I don't know how it happened, but it has been a joy to watch you grow and to see God at work in you. I look forward to watching you for the next several decades. I know they're going to be great.



Jackson's 9th birthday

And maybe, just maybe, you'll pose for another picture with your mama. Please?

This is my STORY, This is my song...

Well just last week I posted here sharing my ONE WORD. My word is STORY. I said that God was busy writing my story and I was struggling to read it.

What a difference a day makes.

Our story has changed dramatically. The cast of characters added to and switched up a bit.

2 years ago I started this blog as a way to keep friends and family updated on our journey into foster-adoption. Thus far it's been a rather uneventful journey and this blog has moved on to many more things. Which is great, but I never forgot why I started it. We wanted to expand our family. We prayed about how to do that. We were led to fostering. And then the story seemed to stop. Like an unfinished manuscript sitting on the shelf collecting dust.  Picked up and thumbed through occasionally, but put back to collect more dust. No more story to tell yet. That's where I felt we were left.

We were at the point of looking into other adoption options. Do we go overseas? Do we give up? Prayers went up. My daughter asked many times when it would be OUR turn to have a baby... or toddler.

What a difference a day makes.

Our manuscript has been dusted off... a new story line enters in...

Friday afternoon around 2:00 we received a call and I said some sarcastic things in my head as I knew the number well. It usually tore me to pieces by the time I hung up. This one was different. A baby needs a home... now. Long term. Prefer dual licensed home because, well, the odds of custody being restored are slim. Two hours later I opened the door to a sweet little 3 month old boy with a very bald head and 2 kissable dimples. This little man has stolen our hearts in such a little time. My kids are thrilled, being excellent helpers and my dear husband struts around with a new little one in his arms. We know that this may be temporary. We know that our hearts may be broken. But we know that right now this little man needs love and care and we have that in abundance. Right now, we trust in God that He will guard our hearts and if we need to give him back, God will still be there to uphold us all. And that will be another story.

I am also constantly reminded of another story...in another series that is now running into ours. The mom's story. Its a sad and difficult story. I pray that she may have a happy ending to her story and that she finds the One who makes the stories worth living. I know that her happy ending may result in our sad ending. But I trust in God to take care of us. And to take care of this sweet baby. It is his story that has taken over our lives.

I will share as much of our story as I can with you all. But much cannot be told of mom and baby's story. Join us in prayer for the mom as she is dealing with life. Prayer for us as we adjust to life with a new baby. Prayer for the social workers and judges who have to make decisions for this sweet man.

Now, excuse me, there's a little guy who's waiting for some kisses...

2 Weeks Later and I Have Just 1 Word.

So... When I opened my blog page this morning, it was still wishing me a Merry Christmas. Yikes! Time to get back at it! I will say that I had a great week plus of stepping back from my computer keeping my cell phone tucked away in my bedroom where I wouldn't check it constantly. It was amazing how much more face time I got with my family.

But now they're back in their routines, so I should be too.

Happy New Year! Okay, so I'm a little bit late with that too. Do you make Resolutions each year? I will be honest, I do not. I really don't enjoy knowing at the beginning of the year what I will feel guilty about come July. Or February. I am no good at sticking with resolutions. Having said that, I do try many times throughout the year to improve myself or become a better person. I just don't save it for January 1.

So, what to do instead? I was reading my good ol' friend Bina's blog last week ( yeah I snuck in a blog read now and then, so sue me) and she introduced me to the idea of a word of the year.Alece at Grit and Glory actually came up with it and I am jumping on.  One. Word. Not a sentence or a paragraph or an explanation. But ONE. WORD. to be your theme. I have done a verse a year, but never a single word.

I like it. I can try this, I decided. But what word?? Hers was "believe". Ooohh.. Yeah, I like that one... oh, I should come up with my own huh? That was where I was worried. So, of course, I went to God. What should my word of the year be? What do you want me to work on this year? What word can I do for YOU, Lord?
I let my prayer go and went about my business. As I drove home from Nebraska Monday morning, I ended up doing what I always do... humming a song. Not just any song. The same song that is always in my head. When I mow, when I clean, when I drive, when I shop. I don't know why, it just is always there. And that is when God gave me my word for the year.

Story.

 I don't claim to know why He chose this word for me. I do know that I love a good story. I know that everyone has there own story. I know that God is the author of those stories. I know that God is working hard to help me write my own story. Or I'm working hard to read it, I'm not sure which.

I will come back to this word often in the coming year and see what God's been up to with my word.
Will you join in in seeking God's word for your year? What would your year be?

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long