Monday, March 14, 2011

Giving In

For as long as I have written anything I have denied being a writer.
I even say it on my profile over there on the right "I am not a writer, I am a talker" And I honestly truly believe this. I have improper grammar and sentence structure and I cannot wax anything poetically. I was pretty sure I knew where my gifts were and weren't. Writing was not my gift. I write like I speak, a jumbled mess that I pray SOMEONE can make sense of and understand my point.

And then I took some time off blogging. Not deliberately, but just lack of time to spend on writing and reading blogs with the addition of Charlie Brown. And during that time I noticed something about me. I missed writing.

I missed working my mind to tell stories of my days and observances.
I missed seeing my God in the small things, because I wasn't looking.
Writing for me, while far from accurate or profound or anything too great, is my...gulp...spiritual gift??

If you have been here before, you know this is a huge struggle for me.I don't pat myself on the back. I don't pump myself up. I do believe I am called to be insignificant.

I sat through the sermon as he said "You cannot choose your talent. You can discover it, and sharpen it. You cannot choose it"
Well. I certainly did not choose writing. I did discover it. I think I am working to improve it. (though I realize I have a long ways to go)

So while I have been protesting any special gift or talent or knowing my place... I may have to give in to the fact that maybe. Just maybe. God may have given me the gift to write. Maybe He really is calling me to use this gift for His kingdom.

I am reading my notes from this sermon and it strikes a cord, knowing that blogging is not the only writing I do. I write weekly letters to a woman in prison... whose baby boy happens to be living here. My notes say this: The focus is to be 'how does God call me to use these gifts?' Not on getting these gifts and shoeing off, but showing  love by using gifts for God. A gift of mercy in the name of Jesus Christ. 

Are you working on sharpening your gifts? Are you still trying to find them? That's okay, God will reveal them when He is ready.

Esther 4:14 For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

Linking up with


Jennifer @ Getting Down With Jesus said...

You really *can* write! You're doing it. You are a writer. Say it out loud with me:

"I am a writer."

See? Doesn't that feel good?

Keep at it, Alyssa. Your words are a ministry.

Diane said...

Awesome word about not choosing our talent. You can still be a talker too, just enjoy the writer in you also. :O)

Bina said...

You are not only a writer...but a big-hearted woman with a love for her Lord that can't help but shine, howEVER you happen to be showcasing it.

...and you're a pretty good friend too ;o)
I love you!!

Jen said...

I think of writing as an offering. I think God gave me a gift and I offer it back to Him each time I write. At least, that is the mindset I would like to have all the time! :)

Deborah Ann said...

I'm with you. It's a gift. And when a gift is have the responsibility to sharpen and enhance it.

Unlike you...I am not a talker or speaker. And since that goes hand in hand with writing, I need to work on those skills...ugh! May God bless us both on the journey...

Karen said...

Alicia, God is full of wonderful revelations to us. Yes, He reveals different gift in His time. Yay! This is so much fun to experience Him!


Shannon Faye said...

Is the truth setting you free, my friend. It's funny how so many times we don't see our gifts, but everyone else does! Go with it, honey! God has blessed you big time!

Graceful said...

I totally get this you know. For a long time, years even, I denied that I was a writer. I wrote an entire book and didn't tell anyone! Even now, when someone asks what I do, I willingly tell them I work part-time for NPR/PBS in Nebraska...but I don't mention I am a writer. So yeah, I get it.

But you know what, you ARE a writer! Look at the reasons you listed for why you missed it: because it helps you look more closely and see God in the everyday; because you missed how it worked you mind toward telling stories. Very writerly reasons, if you ask me!

And you share unique insights into a world few of us know: foster parenting. Conveying those stories to this audience alone is a huge gift, and reason enough to write.

Have I gone on long enough? If I'm writer, I sure am a wordy one!

[so glad you linked up today, Alicia!]

Connie@raise your eyes said...

"for such a time as this?"...and Esther didn't choose to be queen...but GOD chose her...GOD gave you that verse, and He is calling you...wise you are to listen:)

I agree with Michelle....Very "writerly" reasons to write:)

Charming's Mama said...

"Called to be insignificant" Wow, you just described how I feel to a tee, but sometimes I think I hide behind that "calling" to shirk what God would really have me do. Out of fear, fear of failure and yes fear of success. I still don't think of myself as a writer though. More a gardner planting seeds that I know God is faithful to water and to grow.

Duane Scott said...

Well, if you aren't going to puff you up, I guess I'll have to do it.

*gets out tire pump*

Yes, you can write.

Abby said...

This is the quote I have on my was something the Lord used to bring me out of a cave...I felt like it was for you today as I read this...I am just meeting you, but still had a sense this was 'right'.

'One of the arguments we often use for not writing is this: "I have nothing original to say. Whatever I might say, someone else has already said it, and better than I will ever be able to." This, however, is not a good argument for not writing. Each human person is unique and original, and nobody has lived what we have lived. Furthermore, what we have lived, we have lived not just for ourselves but for others as well. Writing can be a very creative and invigorating way to make our lives available to ourselves and to others.

We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them.' ~Henri Nouwen

Nice to 'meet' you--coming from Michelle's...'Half the Sky' and giveaway at 'Fan the Flame' if you want to visit:)

Abby said...

oh and wonderful word about using this gift not for showing off, but how He calls us, so, so good for me today:) thank you!

Anonymous said...

You are a writer, indeed! I love the things you write, the way you write them. You have a story to tell, sister, and only you can tell it.

It took me a long, long time to say I was a writer, too. But when I finally started saying it, the Lord opened up more opportunities to do it. For him!

Love coming here!

Gabby said...

What a wonderful post. Gifts! They can be in the most unexpected areas, but I definately think you found yours. But I gotta say, it is evident to me that you have many.
Loving is in the top three! Just ask Charlie Brown!

Cherie Hill said...

I'm always amazed at what God calls us to do. Thought you'd like this:

"God doesn't call the qualified . . .
He qualifies the called!"

Praying He uses you in mighty ways for your good and His glory! ;)
Big hugs,