Monday, May 2, 2011

As I wait

I sit here in the local library at a table. Alone.
The baby I have loved for the last 3.5 months is in another room. With Her. This is the first they have seen each other in those three and a half months. Not since that blustery January day has she held him in her arms.

And I weep for him. For her. And for me.

My mama heart is torn.

As a mom I can't imagine my child being taken from me. I also can't imagine doing things so horrible that my child has to be removed.

But I am a sinner. I know that my sins are no less then hers.
I know that God loves her no less then me.
I fear for the unknown. My heart pounds in my chest at the possibilities that lie ahead of us.
I reach for my Bible and seek comfort. I open my daily devotional for some encouragement. I chuckle at God's timeliness despite my groan at seeing that verse.

Some ask how we do it? How do we love that boy with so many questions and no guarantees? How can we hope for something that may cause someone else such heartbreak?
Because of what I know. What my Father tells me.
I know that God loves that round headed baby boy even more than either one of us mamas could.
And that is how I do this.

It is HIS power, because left to my own, I would be on the next bus out of here.

"though it tarries, wait for it... " Habakkuk 2:3

Linking up with Michele as I try to Use It this Monday....

*I have been using the Disqus comment system, which I enjoy, because it allows me to reply directly to your comments. However, I am having some technical issues and occassionally it goes to Blogger comments. I think if you wait for the page to fully load, the disqus comments will be available. Otherwise I lose your comments, which makes me sad. :)

1 comment:

Jensamom23 said...

You and your family are so strong in your faith and that baby is the beneficiary of that faith. My prayers are with you.