Satisfied

It is almost Easter, which means, Lent is nearing the end. And I should probably see where I am at in that.

In March I made the decision to give up shopping for myself and my house. While I have done okay in this, I bought no clothing or accessories for myself, I have noticed a few stages in giving something up.

Stage 1: Excitement and Dread- I wanted to do this so badly and was excited at what I may learn. And I was also terrified thinking I was crazy and could not do it.

Stage 2: Encouragment- Once I began the process and had accountability and encouragement, I was doing well. I was encouraged by all of you and by God to keep going.

Stage 3: Justification- I wanted to justify every single time I was at a store. "but God, I didn't say I would not buy this... or that... or but I have been looking for this for a long time... its so cheap, does it really matter?" 

Stage 4: Indifference- I really didn't always care. I shop or not. I talk to God about my feelings in it, or not. I didn't feel the need to buy myself anything, but I didn't feel the need to gain satisfaction from God.

Stage 5: Fear- My fear is not in doing this anymore, but rather in NOT doing it. Fear that maybe I didn't learn enough and will go crazy and now make up for lost time.

The result? Gratitude. I know that I needed to do this and I am grateful that I was able to do it and to talk about it. I am grateful for those who held me accountable. And above all, I am grateful to God that He is ALL I need. Without Him, I will NEVER be satisfied. I would forever wander around and search for things that leave me empty and hollow. God is the ONLY one who can fill me up to the top.

I am so grateful that He forgives me for those times I try to argue with Him and justify what I am about to do. I am grateful that He speaks in that small, still, sometimes nagging, voice that stops me from doing what I know would not benefit me.

Did I do this no shopping thing perfectly? Far from it. I still shopped for my kids and husband, maybe over the top at times. I also garage saled and bought a few things for the house.  But I have learned not to be caught up in those failures either. The most important thing is that I learned. I learned that to be satisfied I need to stop and have that time with God. Yes, sometimes the time is while I wander the aisles of Target. But I don't believe that God minds where I meet Him, as long as I am meeting Him. And listening.

I encourage you sometime as you are shopping. First ask God to be all that you need. Tell Him to give you strength to walk past things that you don't need. I promise you that your credit card bills will be less! ;)

That's my story for now...

Even though I am a day late, I am still linking up with the sisters...

It happens Every. Single. Year.

Despite the promise I made her make when she was a baby...

My baby girl is another year older. *sigh*

Gone are the day of pigtails and wobbly legs and replaced now with dances of grace and "no Mom, we are NOT putting my hair in THAT"

Miss Maicy Jo. 8 years ago you came into this world and all was well. You were a beautiful baby girl with a great dispostition and I thought I had it made. I felt God smiling on us.
And then you turned 1.
And I heard God laughing.

You were crazy about....

Dogs...

 Dirt...

 and Food...

 Yes, still food.

 And you tried to combine your love of dirt and food often...

Baby Girl, You made us laugh until we cried and cry until we laughed. Not much has changed.

You still love dogs and still ask every single year for your birthday for a dog.

 And try to give your dad one for HIS birthday because how could he after all refuse anything from his precious baby girl.

You still make us laugh...

You still have a knack for dirt...

And a need for speed.

And I pray you will always love as strongly as you do now...

Hold on tight, Baby Girl, this is just the beginning...

God is SO GOOD!

I was going to update on my Lent journey today, (I don't really want to discuss that not shopping thing anyways.) but I just can't let this opportunity to show just how awesome our God is go by.

This weekend our little neck of the woods was in for some serious weather. We tucked our kids into the basement for the night and watched the news unfold. It was chaotic in the newsrooms and hard to follow at times. Tornadoes kept popping up all around. Thankfully for us, they were no closer than 45 miles or more.
That didn't ease our worries for those towns that we were hearing about.

Mapleton, IA was hit with a tornado. Schelswig, Earley, Storm Lake, Cherokee... all being hit with either tornadoes or baseball sized hail.

Despite all of the building destruction, the homes lost, the trees uprooted... no one was killed. No one has serious injuries. The worst they have reported is a broken leg.
Honestly, hearing that the other night, all I could do is shout at my TV "GOD IS SO GOOD!"

The storms went good. My daugther prayed that 2 years ago and I still think of it everytime we tuck them into the basement on stormy nights. God weathers the storm with us. And the storms go good.







If you wouldn't mind, would you stop and say a prayer for those in Iowa who are without a home and now picking up the pieces?

Fired Up

I sat in my brother and sister in laws church and watched the young girls and their counselors worship.

I read the banner hanging up on the side "Fired Up".

I looked again at the faces up front.

There was not too much fire or passion burning. In fact, most of them, including the mentors looked as though they would rather be anywhere other then up there. Worshipping.

I looked at myself and felt the irony as well.

I can say the words, I can be where I need to be, but am I fired up?

Do I want to be in the front worshipping? Putting worship and quality time with Him first?

Sadly, no. My Bible study lessons get shoved to the end of the long to do lists. My prayers are short and hurried.

I feel that instead of one great big fire for Him, I have a whole bunch of lighters running out of fluid because I am fueling them with anything but the Word.

I need to stop dousing the flame in lighter fluid for a quick rush and work on stacking the wood just right and adding the right amount consistently to keep the fire burning steady and hot. I need to not let the embers turn to cold ashes.

How about you? Do you let your ashes burn out? How do you keep the fire for Him burning steady.

Linking up with Michelle at Graceful once again... please join me over there!

As I look back on my 2nd week of Lent, I can't help but be grateful. Grateful that I have almost another month to get it right. I read the words back to myself that I wrote when I started this. And I cringe. Did I shop for myself? No, and that is a freeing thing. It isn't all bad when you walk into Target and just KNOW you have to stay out of that ENTIRE SECTION of t-shirts in every color and cute cardigans or that one last thing to get you through the long dreary winter. I am surprisingly thrilled to not be stepping into a dressing room getting depressed at trying things on that don't fit right. I am easily throwing away catalogs by the droves as they come in and deleting emails instantly that are trying to convince me that this is "The greatest sale ever!! Again" . No problem with any of those things.




Yet, I missed the point.




I have failed to turn to my God and praise Him. I was here to find contentment and joy and peace that could only be found in Him.

I have stayed away from Him. I still choose other things over my time with Him. Whether it be the computer or a book or a magazine or a TV show or shopping still... for my kids.




I have found new clutter and fed the clutter that gets in the way.




I am still looking for joy and peace and contentment and my closeness to Him.




I have learned that I am just as happy buying for my kids or gifts for someone else as I am for myself or my home, so limiting to it just being about me, really isn't limiting me that much.




I am so disappointed in me right now that I can't even tell you. I didn't want to come here with this update. I wanted the rosy picture saying how GREAT everything is going and how JOYFUL I am now that I have put my focus on Him. And I can't.




So, trying to regain focus, I am learning about the purpose of Lent. The purpose in fasting as this is my first time doing this. And one line sticks with me. Taken from The Banner March 2011 by Dr John Witvliet "Lent was the church's way of saying YES to the free offer of salvation and NO to cheap grace- baptism without discipleship" Interestingly enough- to me anyways- every single time I read that I thought the last word was discipline not discipleship. I need discipline. I don't want cheap grace that is just handed to me with no strings attached. I don't want to just say "yup, I am a Christian, I am saved. I do whatever I want"




I know that I cannot just do as I please.

I need to learn discipline.

I want to BE a Christian. I want people to SEE the difference in me, not just hear me say the words.




Next week, I pray that I have a much better report. And if you see me, feel free to call me on it.




Linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven today...

Mending: Revisted

*This post was originally written in September 2009. I had approximately 3 readers then, so I thought it would be worth the revisit. ;) I will report that now my daughter is almost 8 and nearing the end of 2nd grade and the blankie has been tucked away safely...though she still asks for it. As for the mangy mutt...he is still with her, curled up in her arms as she sleeps right now. *

 I have been putting this "project" off for quite some time. And, as usual, the more I put it off, the worse it got. My daughter loves her blankie. I mean love, love, loves her blankie. I know she is 6 years old and a very big 1st grader now, but we can't seem to get rid of this well loved friend of hers. Its just a part of her. It was a gift from Grandma Pearl who is now 91and not so able to continue making blankets. So, its quite irreplaceable to me. See, this is her when it was beautiful and new and you could see the design on it. It was fresh and clean, and yes, already, very much beloved.

Isn't my baby just so precious and sweet?! She was fresh and new there too! I thought I would have a hard time finding a picture with that blanket in it, hah! Not so much, every page I turned in her scrapbook was like "where's waldo" for the blankie. It was usually around, no matter what. Which has caused us to look more like this. This is her other best friend. His name is Lucky. Lucky he hasn't been condemned yet because of all the disease he must be carrying! Wherever blankie is, Lucky is also. Now that Maicy is 6 however, they do both stay in her room on her bed on school mornings, and only come out when she is sick, or really tired, or Saturdays, or when she is cranky... umm. yeah. So they make there appearances often! Here is the result of such love. Do you see that 18 inch scar down the middle? Yup, that's what happens when you are sooo loved. I had to hand sew it, because my sewing machine was eating the fragile fabric around the big giant hole.

These corners have wiped tears, snot and yes, even vomit. Sorry, but its true. This blankie has helped this dear one through many sad days, bad days, and gone along for bike rides on good days.

To bring myself through this dreadfully tedious task of stitching this worn friend, I had to think about the symbolism of this dear one. This blanket proudly bears the scars of carrying its loved one through good times and bad. It comforts and soothes when nothing else will do. It has been beaten and battered and tossed to the ground. It has been forgotten and thrown aside during the easy times. It has always been there to be picked up again, ready to start the loving over.

I can't help but reminded of the scars that Jesus proudly wears. His wounds there because he has helped us through those horrible times, he carried our sins, he brought us through. He has been beaten and battered and too often tossed aside when life is going well. He is there to pick us back up again when we need Him. He is always waiting with love. He joins us on the journey, no matter where it leads.

Maybe its a stretch to relate a torn up tattered blankie with our Savior, but I need visuals, and this is my visual. Like looking through the scrapbook, you can look back on your life and play "where's waldo" and see that Jesus was there on every page. He may have been off to the side when we didn't know it, but he was there. Every time.

We all need mending from time to time, and our Heavenly Father is there, to carefully stitch us back together. He does so with love, allowing the scars to be seen so that we may not forget what brought us there.

Giving In

For as long as I have written anything I have denied being a writer.
I even say it on my profile over there on the right "I am not a writer, I am a talker" And I honestly truly believe this. I have improper grammar and sentence structure and I cannot wax anything poetically. I was pretty sure I knew where my gifts were and weren't. Writing was not my gift. I write like I speak, a jumbled mess that I pray SOMEONE can make sense of and understand my point.

And then I took some time off blogging. Not deliberately, but just lack of time to spend on writing and reading blogs with the addition of Charlie Brown. And during that time I noticed something about me. I missed writing.

I missed working my mind to tell stories of my days and observances.
I missed seeing my God in the small things, because I wasn't looking.
Writing for me, while far from accurate or profound or anything too great, is my...gulp...spiritual gift??

If you have been here before, you know this is a huge struggle for me.I don't pat myself on the back. I don't pump myself up. I do believe I am called to be insignificant.

I sat through the sermon as he said "You cannot choose your talent. You can discover it, and sharpen it. You cannot choose it"
Well. I certainly did not choose writing. I did discover it. I think I am working to improve it. (though I realize I have a long ways to go)

So while I have been protesting any special gift or talent or knowing my place... I may have to give in to the fact that maybe. Just maybe. God may have given me the gift to write. Maybe He really is calling me to use this gift for His kingdom.

I am reading my notes from this sermon and it strikes a cord, knowing that blogging is not the only writing I do. I write weekly letters to a woman in prison... whose baby boy happens to be living here. My notes say this: The focus is to be 'how does God call me to use these gifts?' Not on getting these gifts and shoeing off, but showing  love by using gifts for God. A gift of mercy in the name of Jesus Christ. 

Are you working on sharpening your gifts? Are you still trying to find them? That's okay, God will reveal them when He is ready.



Esther 4:14 For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"



Linking up with http://nebraskagraceful.blogspot.com/