Friday, November 19, 2010

Still Waiting...

Well, I had hoped to come back with all the fabulous scripture our group came up with on waiting, however, I was the only group member there this morning, so, I will share what I alone found. (I didn't go to our evening group which had a better turn out, just in case you think I'm completely making up the fact that I lead an actual Bible study. Though that clearly isn't far from the truth.*ahem* lets move on.)

I will give you a little background into my last few weeks before I start what I have a feeling could be a lengthy post. Go ahead and get comfy. Or run now. :)
I haven't made this public knowledge other that to a few prayer partners and my Bible study- the one that exists, not the other one, but this week we were expecting to receive to foster placements into our home. It has been 15 months since this has happened and we were excited, nervous, and actually peaceful. We received the call when my husband was in China- of course- and therefore I didn't want to talk about it until I was really able to talk to him about it. Their hearing was set for this past Wednesday. I started making the necessary arrangements and purchasing of necesseties and trying to let school know without anyone else knowing. It is hard to tell people this will happen until it actually happens because working with DHS is just not a certain thing. So, the before I am preparing to share news with family and attempting to get ahold of the case worker. FINALLY, she returns my call. "Oh, well, J and O have already been placed in another home. Kids Net should have calle you" At that moment my breath left me and I fought back tears of hurt, frustration and anger. And then I had to go back and join my Coffee Break group- who knew none of this, and still doesn't. I did hold it together up until the moment I had to pick up some lunch for hubs and I at Quizno's. Chris Tomlin's song Sing, Sing, Sing, was on the radio in there and it took me down. I was angry, and I did not want to sing, sing, sing to God right then. Our family had been waiting, and waiting, and waiting. I am so very worn down and tired from waiting. I had come to a point of peace that our family may physically never grow, then the call comes and you gain hope again. Only to have that hope ripped away in an instant. Really, God? Was that very nice? That kinda hurt a lot. And ya hurt my baby girl a lot. She was looking forward to this, has been for years. She prays for them every single day to not miss their mama and dad so much and to keep them safe until they are out of their house. She prays with all of her heart. Really? She is tired of waiting too, God.

Enter in the Bible study topic of the moment- Waiting. I honestly checked out a bit on this one. I made no real effort to go to the evening group even though I knew there would be discussion a plenty and great scripture to back it up. I didn't want to hear it. Until the next morning. I finally sat down with God and said "okay, lets do this. Show me" And then I wished with all of my heart that I had been at Bible study the night before. Lesson learned.

Abraham and Sara, Jonathan and Elizabeth, Esther, Hannah, Moses and the Israelites.... those are the names laid out on paper before me. These people waited. They lost patience, they waited. And God delivered. And when He delivered, He did so in a way that was so much more than these mere mortals could ever have dreamed up. They knew what God promised, they asked for what they could imagine, but God has so much more mighty plans then our minds could ever imagine! Does it make the waiting easier? I don't think it does, unless you cling to Him with every single ounce of your being and don't take your eyes off of Him for a second.
I was sharing this with a friend of mine who lives in her own life of waiting that was recently very painful also, and her question to me was "But what did these people do while they waited? Why doesn't God show us that?"
We know we are called to wait- we know we are blessed in waiting, but HOW to do it? That remains the greatest question.

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the Lord, and my soul waits and in His word I put my hope.
Hope in Him, wait in Him, that's the best I can do right now.

*if you're family and wondering why you still didn't hear about the foster plan, its really hard to bring it up after the fact and say we were going to but now we're not.

**After I wrote this, I headed to school to have lunch with my son. I was looking at his pictures hanging on the walls and they had verses on prayer. Jackson's verse? Psalm 66:20 Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! This is where MY hope lies and this is how I will wait. Amen.

God is good! All the time!


Diane said...

It's funny, when we ask Him a question sometimes we get a very direct answer. I felt like I was supposed to go back to work now for 1-2 months but could not have a happy feeling about any job I was considering then the school volunteering thing backed me into a corner and I knew that this was what God was preparing me for mentally.

I don't know what God has in store for you guys but when it is right it will happen. Maybe there is another option that you are not considering or one that involves missionary work. I don't know where that came from, but alas.... prayers and hugs to you! :O)

Karen said...

Oh, Alicia, I'm so sorry. When lives and your children's lives are tied up in the hope, it's difficult.

Wait, isn't that a four letter word? :) "My soul waits," how does a soul wait? The only way I know is by one day, one hour, one minute at a time holding on to the Father's hand.

Also, I know your children are learning valuable lessons from you and your husband. Teach them well, dear friend.

Blessings and ((hugs))***

Janna Qualman said...

Hi, Alicia! I've hopped over from your comment on someone else's blog, and I want to say how brave I think you are.

A few summers ago, my husband left us (my two daughters and I) to help with relief efforts post-Katrina, and it was the hardest separation. I learned we can't easily, for any length of time, be without him. Your faith is heartening!

Best to you, with all your endeavors. :)

Graceful said...

Waiting, and hoping, with you, Alicia. You are brave and strong!

Amy Sullivan said...

Wow. I'm so happy I stopped by today. I feel as if you have allowed me a little peek into your heart. Thank you for sharing your story.

Praying for you and your family through this time of waiting.

Bina said...

My Sweet Friend...
I know your amazing heart and the love that you so long to pour out. I find inspiration in your story, tho, that while the pain is is the faith that continues to wait and trust and believe that if HE gave you the passion, HE will provide the place for you to use it.
I am praying for you...and praising with you that He used your son's verse to whisper His truth.

alicia said...

Thank you so much dear friends. Your words of encouragement really truly brighten my day!

Janna, thank you so much for stopping by! I will be off to check out your site. So nice to meet you. ;)

Rachel said...

Praying for you in the wait. Praying that you find joy in the midst.

Blessings to you!