Tuesday, July 28, 2009

More positively speaking...

  • Well it has been a few more days and as assumed, we are adjusting. Not that it's all easy, but its no longer choking me with feelings of being so overwhelmed.The sick feeling in my stomach has also left me. I thought this was a step in the right direction! I thank you all so much for your prayers, we can definitely feel them! And the dear little one here makes sure that I am able to have ample prayer time-- usually between 1am and 6am. It's very considerate of her.
  • This has definitely been an interesting process so far, and I have to tell you, the most amazing thing about it is watching my kids interact with the girls. I love to listen to Jackson upstairs in his room playing with them and telling them endless stories about the tractor that they are playing with and how his uncle in Minnesota has one just like that and when he was there, they had to use it for this and that and so on. He has no clue that they don't care, but it is so sweet to listen to him. And the youngest one just adores him. He gets to pick her up and carry her where she needs to be and she gives him lots of kisses. Maicy and I, we don't get that privilege so much, but we know she's adjusting. The older girl just loves people in general and it is fun to watch her develop in just the short amount of time she has spent with us. Today, she said some things that made this worthwhile to me. After all, it is for their well being that we decided to go ahead with this. And Maicy, she just loves to dote for the most part. Anyone she can be a mother to, she will. I have noticed a few moments where she just needs mom time, and I try to arrange that, even if its just 5 minutes, or give extra hugs and kisses frequently. But for the most part she is enjoying this thoroughly.
  • Back to what I said earlier, about how hard the first few days were, I don't want to be negative or complaining, I just feel like I need to be honest. If any other person is going through those emotions in this situation, for them to see that they aren't the only ones is worth exposing my own guilty feelings to everyone. It isn't an easy task. No one said it would be. However, that wasn't the response I expected from myself. I couldn't have been more disappointed in my ability to just jump in and have nothing but warm fuzzy feelings of joy at what was going on. I realize how unrealistic I was/am. But once again, God has granted me grace. Ample grace. The kind gestures from friends, the notes, the cards, and just the well wishes, the clothes, the bathtime help, meals, and of course the prayers It is overwhelming and humbling to be on the receiving end of goodness and grace! I can't thank everyone enough!
  • God's grace is sufficient. We are doing well. Do I still cry? Hello?! Do you know me?! I still cry watching Little House on the Prairie, and yes, sometime if you see me and ask a loaded question such as "How are you?" I just might still break down and bawl and tell you how I really am at that moment. Don't be alarmed, its just me. I have leaky eyes, what can I say, I was born that way. It'll be okay, and if I make you uncomfortable, feel free to walk away and pretend you don't know who the crazy lady is in the grocery store crying uncontrollably with 4 crying kids. I'll understand. (no this hasn't actually happened... yet) The crying doesn't mean we aren't okay. We are, its just a lot of adjusting. Which we are doing. We are enjoying this and excited for the upcoming blessings.
  • Sunday morning, as I mentioned already- I was emotional and overwhelmed. And we opened up the service with this song:
  • I come before you today
  • And there's just one thing that I want to say
  • Thank you lordThank you lord
  • For all you've given to me
  • For all the blessings that I cannot see
  • Thank you lordThank you lord**
  • With a grateful heart
  • With a song of praise
  • With an outstretch armI will bless your name
  • Thank you lord I just wanna thank you lord
  • Thank you lordI just wanna thank you lord
  • Thank you lord For all you've done in my life
  • You took my darkness and gave me your light
  • Thank you lord Thank you lord
  • You took my sin and my shame
  • You took my sickness and healed all my painThank you lordThank you lord

And the line "for all the blessings that I cannot see" was what really got to me. I don't know the blessings ahead, for us, or for the girls. (Some day I will come up with great fake names and stop calling them "the girls" in the mean time, just put up with it please) So, with outstretched arms, I say 'Thank You, Lord, for what You have Given to Me!"

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