Good Intentions

Know what this is? Let me tell ya...

This morning was goin' fine. I was ready for work, the kids had a ride to school, I had time for breakfast. So, since Biggest Loser was on last night and my motivation was fresh, (has nothing to do with the 25 outfit changes this morning declaring over and over that each one made me look fat! oh wait.. never mind ) I went for the Weight Control Oatmeal... I love that stuff! Really, it is good, especially the banana bread flavor... sadly all I had in the house was Cinnamon, but it would do. And then, as I walked with my bowl to get a napkin God said to me, "girl you are going to be humbled today;" I'm gonna what? ... *sigh*

Do you know what oatmeal resembles when you are cleaning it off the cupboard and floor? Ewww! Broken bowl. No breakfast. Burned fingers from oatmeal. And now have to clean the kitchen. Nice. Happy Wednesday to me.

The redeeming thing? This cleaner. Anytime I use this stuff I love the smell it leaves behind. Its fresh and clean smelling, and it seems to actually clean too!

Hope you all have a better Wednesday!!

He gets it from his Mama

Here's my boy, in the blue helmet,

Jackson is taking hockey right now. (Yikes!)

And I am really proud of him, he is doing awesome! Each time he goes out on the ice he improves more and more. It is so fun to watch! He is also gaining confidence, and not struggling so much with that shyness each time we head into the rink. Oh, the boy breaks his mama's heart because he. is. just. so. sensitive. ugh. I hate it, because I have always been the same way. And it makes me soo mad when I can't get a grip on the unwanted tears that fall upon my cheeks. So everytime I look at those giant brown eyes well up with tears, my heart breaks, and then I get mad, at me, for passing that on to him. Why couldn't he have just gotten my incredible smarts, or super outgoing personality, or that never ending, never offensive charm?! What? Oh, that isn't me? Flashy smile? No? Sleek and athletic body? Try not to choke on it! Super cute dimples... ah, he did get those! From his dad. Umm, okay. So he got what he could. It's what I had to offer I guess. I know that God has a reason for making us this way... haven't found out what that is yet... but I know its His plan and He doesn't make mistakes, but oh, the humbling lessons of seeing our worst traits in our children!

What traits have you passed on to your kids that make you want to run the other way?

Psalm 139:14 (The Message) 13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

Orphan Sunday from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

So sick of myself right now~

Here was the challenge: come up with 50 things about yourself. Really? 50?? yikes. I struggled on Facebook when I had to come up with 25. But alas, I have plugged through and I am going to apologize now for the incredible boringness of this post.

1. I love God (thought I would start with something ya'll didn't know.)
2. I don't show it often enough
3. I really do hate talking about myself - what better reason to start a blog right?
4. I do love to talk (explains number 3)
5. I married my highschool sweetheart- at age 17. yikes! (no, I wasn't pregnant, just in love)
6. I love him more today than I did back then
7. I can't sing to save my life... well, I can, and I do, but it ain't pretty
8. I love to stay at home
9. I also love to go out with my family
10. and have lunch/coffee with friends.
11. My life is a sea of constant contradictions
12. I fear that by the time I am 70, I'll be that crazy cat lady who won't leave the house... only without the cats because well, cats are just dumb
13. I strongly dislike cats... very strongly.
14. I have 2 awesome kids
15. I am a pack-rat, mostly because I don't know when to throw the papers away.
16. really? this is only 16???
17. my boy was 3lbs 6oz when he was born, now at age 8 he's over 90lbs. God is Good
18. My daughter's prayers make me cry
19. I am a big cry baby
20. I am painfully shy
21. I passed 19 and 20 onto my son, sorry kid
22. I love games! Preferably board games or card games
23. Perky people frighten me
24. I believe sarcasm should be a font
25. Instead of a circle of friends, I have satellites of friends. My closest friends don't know each other more than in passing
26. I've never met one of my dearest confidants in real life... we met through me talking about me and her talking about her
27. I hate laundry
28. I love to cook
29. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up
30. I own wooden shoes
31. I go to movies strictly for the popcorn
32. I believe that Kim is the cause of Kim's problems... not Sheree. (that's right, B)
33. I had a hysterectomy at age 28
34. I still want more kids
35. I am addicted to playing Brickbreaker on my phone anytime I have a spare minute
36. I want to be a contestant on Amazing Race... who's coming with?!
37. I really am not exciting enough for 50 things
38. I am a hair stylist... at least 2 days a week anyway
39. I love thunderstorms
40. But I am deathly afraid of tornadoes (I built my house so that I would have a place to go sleep with my kids if ever there is going to be tornadoes.)
41. Blizzards are the coolest thing ever (and I don't mean DQ)
42. I love to go fly places
43. I hate to get on a plane and actually fly
44. I told you I was contradictory
45. I would love to have a dog
46. I prefer to use humor when I don't want you to see what's really going on
47. My 6 year old daughter can crack eggs better than I can
48. I am a sinner
49. I am saved
50. I am finished!!!

If you hung in there, I again, apologize, and thank you for that! Now, go find some caffeine to perk up your life, you're looking a bit sleepy, my friend!

Too Much... Not Enough

Can't help but laugh now, because I wrote this last night, and the slipped on over to (in)courage this morning only to read this post by Angie Smith. Hmm.... me thinks we are trying to be taught something by a certain, magnificent God.!

• Ya know, I like to pride myself on being pretty quick to catch on. Today was no exception. I was lead to the same quote not once, but twice. in one day. It comes from Stasi Eldredge's book "Captivating". And while I haven't read her book, I heard the quote 2 times. The first while checking in on this blog and the second while listening to Beth Moore's Esther study. Coincidence? I think not.

• Oh, did you want to hear the quote?! It is talking about how women feel as if they are "being too much and not enough" AMEN!

I am reading too many books right now to keep all of my thoughts straight(ironic isn't it?!) and participating in this amazing study of Esther, but it amazes me how all of these things tie in to each other! One of the books I am re-reading right now is simply entitled "Breathe" by Keri Wyatt Kent. It is basically a call for women, especially mothers to slow down and to not measure ourselves by our business. She may have even called some of us on page skimming through her book about slowing down to focus... I don't know who would do that! * ahem *

• This is a season of franticness. Our kids our involved in so much, and we feel they need to be to be well rounded, because that's what everyone is telling us. We need to volunteer to help with these activities, because that's what good moms do. We know, they told us! We need to volunteer at church, we need to keep the house clean, family well fed ( I know I for one have always had a perfectly kept house with fresh hot healthy and nutritious meals ready for my family, but I understand not all of you do. HA!) And then, lets not forget the the "Holidays" are coming. Why is it that we now come to see that as a negative? I love Thanksgiving, the crisp autumn air, the beautiful church service, the big family dinner, the fall decor that I may go overboard on. So why does the thought make my heart race?! And Christmas... in case you didn't know that, its coming. I know this because my local stores have decided to put out the decorations in September, lest I forget what will be arriving in just a few (3!) months. Isn't that supposed to be a good thing? Not shouted like a warning siren? A time to reflect on the miracle birth? The birth of a SAVIOR for crying out loud! Why do we say it like, "the holidays, ugh" ?

Because we are too busy! And when life gets crowded, what will be crowded out first? Our walk with God. He gets brushed aside, skimmed over to in a quick prayer. "Hey, God, what's up? Get me through this day, its gonna be crazy, Amen" I know I am as guilty as they come at this (I don't actually say "what's up" to God though, just to clarify). Our ability to focus on one thing has been lost in multi-media, and our ability to focus on Him has been failing daily.

• As women, we do feel that we can't slow down, it just adds to that statement, its too much, but still, not enough. Help me off of this ride, Lord. I just want to be held by you. I want to enjoy the blissful peacefulness in time spent with you. Speak to me through your word.

Matthew 11:28-30 we know well from the NIV 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Now hear it from The Message 28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." I read this and I can just feel myself relax. Let out a deep breath and say "yes, Father. I am tired, thanks for taking this for me. Live freely and lightly? Sign me up!" ( I wonder if there is a car pool for that?) Have a blessed day!

Angel Tree Needs HELP!

Okay, So I don't normally. or ever. post twice in one day, and don't expect it to happen again. However, this is super important and time sensitive. I am offering you the opportunity to share and spread the love of Christ Jesus. Angel Tree is a division of Prison Fellowship and they work with churches to buy gifts for kids who have one or both parents in prison at Christmastime. I have been coordinating Angel Tree at our church for probably 5 years now. It is a lot of work for just a few weeks, and the rewards, always make it so worth it in the end. Sadly right now they are in need of 2000 MORE CHURCHES to register in order to fill all of the requests. Here are a few things you should know to help you decide if you would be willing to help out:

1. The church doesn't pay for anything out of its budget.
2. You are able to choose how many kids you want to help
3. Each child receives 2 gifts: one clothing, one toy
4. Each gift has a max $20 limit
5. The person taking care of this child/ren receive a gift of groceries- 1 per family
6. Members of the congregation purchase the gifts and return to church
7. you can either deliver gifts to their door, or host an Angel Tree Party at your church to distribute the gifts and spread the gospel story.

Please remember that these children have done nothing to deserve a parent in prison. Also keep in mind that none of us are more than 1 bad choice from being in the exact position that these parents are in. If you have any questions at all, feel free to leave a comment in the comment section, or to email me from at alicias.journey@yahoo.com

Did I mention that they need them registered by October 23?! Click here to register or to learn more about Angel Tree.

Even if you can't register this year, consider for next year, and join me in praying for this amazing ministry. ( I will try to find my "thank you letters" from both care-givers, and prisoners and share those with you this week)

Because my kids are just mean

My dear precious little children. I clothe them, feed them, take care of them when sick this week. And what do I get in return???? These, I believe are supposed to be snakes.... A snake and a spider web......

Oh goody, another snake and a giant spider...

Yes that's right, I knew my dear ones were playing way too quietly this evening as I slaved away over their supper. (okay, so it was frozen pizza, but still...) Everytime I walked near the toy room I would hear them say "Is she coming?!" "No, just walking past" "go find out where mom is now" "MOM? DON'T COME IN HERE PLEASE!" Well, I am no dummy, I didn't want to find out either so I obliged. Then they told me they were super spies as they made their way across the house to my bathroom. A little bit too much giggling going on to be really good spies, but hey, who was I to argue. Then, I fed the little monsters, I mean angels, their delicious and nutritious supper, and they forgot about their little prank. Until bedtime. My dear daughter started to whisper to her co-hort brother and then they both looked at me. Never a good sign. "So, Mom, have you gone into your bathroom?" "uh, no?" "lets go see your surprise!" Giggle, giggle, giggle.

Snakes, spiderwebs, and spiders all over, just for me. They know how much I love all of those things and just wanted to brighten my day. Aren't they precious?

Truly, they made me laugh quite hard, but don't tell them that!

I can't

One phone call can hold so much power and emotion and tilt your world on its axis.

• Well, it was unexpected to say the least. We received a call yesterday looking for a place for 3 kids. She told me all the facts she could, I politely said I will be talking to my husband, and she said "I called him first." Me, "really? What did he say?" Her "He didn't know what to say, that's why we usually call the women first, I didn't mean to call him" Haha! I'll bet not! You have to know that Steve isn't a talker in the first place and then for him to get that call, I would have loved to have seen that as he sat at lunch unexpectedly with his co-workers. Anyway, the case was too much for us at this time. 3 kids 5 and under, many issues. Obviously not right for us as Steve's schedule is not yet where it needs to be for me to feel comfortable taking that on.
• Here's where I struggle. Going into this program, I knew saying "no" would be my biggest challenge and that has proven to be true. Even this time, when it is so obvious, and I feel that God would have personally struck me down with lightening had I chosen to wimp out and say "yes, of course, I just want to help." That's great that I want to help and all, but knowing my limits is helping. And that is a tough lesson. I want nothing more than to open my door and say "Come on in! I will give you love and hope and all you ever could need" and yet, I can't. It will never ever get easy to say those words. I can't. I want to. I can't. It breaks my heart. But I am heeding his calling at this time. All I can say is I can't. But HE can.

Praying for those who won't be joining our family right now....

Great Song!

A friend passed this on to me, and I wanted to pass it on to you.... Love this new song by Kutless!It's not available on Playlist yet... Don't forget to pause the music at the bottom...

If you know me...

If you know me well, or even just a bit, you may know after I share with you what I read this week, that I probably felt it speak to my very core. If you know how much I feared judgement when we terminated the placement of our foster girls, if you know how much I agonize over going in public some days, if you know how much I fear people will call me a bad mom when they see my kids misbehave in public (not that they would ever do that!), if you know how hard it is just for me to write on this blog assuming that no one really cares what I say, much less enjoy how its written, if you know how hard it is for me to meet new people because I have already pre-judged them thinking they are judging me,if you know how hard it was for me to write the last of the 5 words in this post, then you will know how deeply I needed this page in my devotion book. I think I may clip it and save it. and frame it maybe. on my bathroom wall. in poster size.

• From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:
• Beware of seeing yourself through other people's eyes. There are several dangers to this practice. First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you. Moreover, their views of you are variable: subject to each viewer's spiritual, emotional, and physical condition. The major problem with letting others define you is that it borders on idolatry.(never thought of it like that) Your concern to please others dampens your desire to please, Me, your Creator.(so, it isn't really about ME?!) It is much more real to see yourself through My eyes. My gaze upon you is steady and sure, untainted by sin. Through My eyes you can see yourself as one who is deeply, eternally, loved. Rest in My loving gaze, and you will receive deep Peace. Respond to My loving Presence by worshipping Me in spirit and in truth.

Praying for His Peace for you tonight, God is Good, All the Time,

Because it snowed in October, that's why

I don't know if y'all could catch this by the title or not, but well, it snowed today, or yesterday. Whenever, the point is that I awoke to this on Monday morning: I'm not really complaining, because well, I love the snow! I do love fall too, so I am torn between the two, but by 2:00 this afternoon, it pretty much just looked like fall again outside. So, we get many seasons in one day around here. Welcome to Iowa. Anyway, what better thing to do on a snowy morning than to bake, right?! I have been wanting to try the Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls for a loooong time now, but just didn't dare. Until today. Honestly I didn't know if I could pull it off until I read about Melanie's experience making them and then I figured, if she can do it, I can do it! So today I decided was the day! I was off to a rough start because the first ingredient was 1 quart whole milk, and all I had in the house was skim milk or buttermilk. So I mixed them. Turns out, I don't think it mattered too much! So, I scalded, and I stirred and eventually had this growing in my pot:

This was a huge accomplishment for me, since dough never seems to rise at my house! I haven't really figured out why, but it may have something to do with the fact that I keep it at a cool 63 degrees in the house. Naaahh.

Next came the rolling, which I made more of a surfboard than a rectangle, but who's measuring! Certainly not me!

And after lots and lots of melted butter, too much sugar, and healthy dose of cinnamon, I had these bad boys to look at. That's right, 8 pans of ultra high fat and caloric cinnamon rolls. MMMMMMMmmmmmm.

I only baked 3 pans, refrigerated 2, and froze 3. Hopefully those turn out okay. Some of them didn't rise, but I may have cut a little to skimpy, and rolled one batch too thin, but I got better, and then, there was this:

Maple frosting on super yummy cinnamon rolls. I know it makes a lot of pans, but my kids and I managed to wolf down 1 pan of direlect ones that were a little puny, and we brought one pan to Pastor Bob for Pastor appreciation month, one pan will eventually go to my boss for Boss's week, and then, well , there is that rascally neighbor who I let Maicy deliver a pan to, hoping for a great bottle of wine to show up some day in exchange! ;)

I will definitely be making these again, and again, as I keep finding people to give them to! Click here if you want Ree's recipe (aka PW) and then feel free to bring me some as I seem to be all out!

Disruption - please pray

There is a hurting family, facing the hardest time in their life, and I am asking you to please, check out her story and then PRAY like you have never prayed before. They need to find a home for their son whom they adopted. It is a heartwrenching story, please, don't judge them, it isn't what they need. Now they need a home and prayers and love. Click here to learn more, and to pray for them. Thanks.

AND THE WINNER IS...

• Congratulations to LL Barkat for winning Crazy Love by Francis Chan!! If you email me at alicias.journey@yahoo.com with you snail mail address, I will ship it directly from Amazon right away! Enjoy!

• Thanks to EVERYONE for your awesome rainy day entries, they were fabulous! Tara, good to know what I have to do to get a comment out of you! ;) But that's okay, you may continue to blog stalk me, I appreciate it and love ya too! Bina, sorry no skittles bribing allowed! Steph, I would love to have skylights while its raining! Kim, as we reached day 5 of no sunshine and all rain, I couldn't help but saying, there is no sunshine, but the Son is still shining! LL, Wow, it was poetry that you used to describe sitting under the tree during the rain, thank you.

• Have a Blessed Thursday everyone!

Complete, but not finished

Wouldn't you know it. For days, really I feel like weeks, I have had nothing to say. Nothing. No stirrings, no inspiration. And well today I am overflowing! Don't worry I will break it all up and put it into more posts so as not to overwhelm anyone...particularly myself. I do want to begin by saying that I know now (pretty sure I did before too, but I like to live in denial) why I have had no inspiration or stirrings. I have not been spending time in the word, not keeping up on devotions, and being a little rushed through some prayer times. And then I wonder why I have nothing? Not really. So, that is the guilt I am feeling, but hope to remain on target, until the next time. And then you can all slap me upside the head.

• I had a plan in my head for what I was going to write, mainly because it has come up a lot in different circumstances. I believe that when we told people that we were terminating our foster care of the two girls this summer, that people just assumed we were done with the whole idea of foster-adoption. Sadly, it has started to come across as a bit of "whew, they got that out of their system, moving on now" Not from everyone who it has been brought up with, I assure you. But enough that I just feel the need to state clearly, that our intention is to do whatever God leads us to do. Our strong desire that had been so clearly orchestrated by Him to begin with doesn't just end overnight. Our case was not the case for us. He has made that clear, despite the feelings of guilt that I still live with, despite the questions raised, and yes, even despite the feelings of certain family members that we made the wrong decision by letting them go. It was right to let them go. We had no other choice for our family. But even all of that, doesn't change that we still have strong hope in adding to our family through adoption. I still have a heart for fostering-- I don't think that will ever leave me. I am not finished. He is not finished with us.
• I have spoken of contentment. I am content, no matter what. Being content however is a daily action for me. I do need to decide to be content. And while some think that means being done with our foster to adopt journey, it doesn't at all mean that. It means that my heart desires one thing, but I also know in my heart, that if my desires and prayers don't work out as I planned, I will be happy and I will be content. It is a daily choice. Each day that we don't get a phone call, I choose to be content. Not only content, but to embrace, and to rejoice in what I do have instead of focusing on what I don't.
• While watching Beth Moore's Esther video this morning, at the very end she shared a verse that she reads each morning. I think it is a great reminder, and it is a part of my life and a part of my learning contentment each day. Colossians 2:10 KJV "And ye are complete in Him, which is the head of all principality and power" It doesn't matter what tomorrow brings, I am complete in Him.

God is good, all the time! PS: You can still enter to win the book! But you CAN'T WIN if you DON'T ENTER! ;)

Crazy Giveaway

• *****UPDATE*** contest is closed and the names are in the random selector. Which actually means that since there were only 5, I wrote them down on pieces of paper and one of my kids will draw it out of a hat in the morning. I looked at random.org like the big-wig bloggers use and I am sorry, they wanted me to pay $4.95 for their services and well, I am a good Dutch girl (read: cheap) and while I am generous and will buy a book, I will not spend 5 bucks for a name drawing! Perhaps if I had 500 entries, yes, totally worth it. But, for 5 people, I think I can handle it. Anyway! Thanks for entering and leaving your comments!!!

So it is raining, I haven't come up with much to say, and I love to shop. So, this is where that will get you! As I have mentioned before, I love the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. To make you understand just how much good I love, I am going to GIVE a copy of it away! "How do I get my hands on this?" you ask. Well, let me tell you!

• All you have to do is leave a comment in the comment section telling me what you like to do on a rainy day. Could be the rain that has been falling since last Thursday, but that's all I can come up with.
• If you have never commented and only lurked here, now's the time to make yourself known!! All you have to do is type in your comment, fill out the scramble word, sign in as "anonymous" and wha-la! You have left a comment. (don't forget to sign your name in with your comment though so I know who you are.)
• One more catch, I need at least 5 comments for the contest to count! That's right, I went there! So, tell your friends, leave a comment about what you like to do on a rainy day, and sit back and wait for me to figure out the random selector thing!
• Enter by Wednesday at 9pm CST.
• one entry per person! ;) thought I'd forget didn't you!
• Winners will be announced Wed night or Thursday night... or whenever I get to it. I will post them and then you can email me your address so I can send it off to you!

Good luck!

Nothin' Much

So, I really don't have a whole lot to say lately, which is neither good nor bad, it just is. So, I will just tell you about my day on Thursday for lack of anything better to tell y'all!

• Little Miss Maicy had a dentist appointment Thursday morning. Dentist appointments do not go well for this child. So much so in fact, that the dentist in OC decided that he didn't want to see her anymore, and she was sent on to a pediatric dentist instead. Yup, that's my girl! We first went to this dentist in August. This check up went okay, I knew she had a teeny tiny cavity that needed to be filled (she just didn't let our usual dentist do it!). And then they told me she needed to have a tooth pulled. Again. I nearly lost it. I watched her have a tooth pulled once before and let me tell you, there is no way I was going to be able to put my baby girl through that moment again! So, for 2 months I dreaded this day, I prayed, and I pleaded, and I whined about what this day would be like! I never did tell her that they were going to pull a tooth. All she knew was that she was getting a cavity filled and then we had to back in the afternoon for space maintaners to be put in where the first tooth was out. (she wouldn't let our dentist put it in when we had the first tooth out. If you are wondering why dentists are so overpaid-- this is why! putting up with kids like mine!)

• So D-Day arrived, and we had to head out by 7:15am to get Jackson dropped off and to make the hour 20min drive up there. I bribed her with Red Rossa pizza and gelato, but she still wasn't real sure. Then I promised I would take her to Target to buy a nice present - no I don't believe bribery is wrong! She decided she wanted the Barbie Hair Salon, so she was going to be brave! And guess what... they called her back, and she went quite happily. I got to sit in the waiting room since they don't let parents go back -smartest thing they ever did if you ask me! - and I read my book for almost 2 hours and tried not to think about what was happening. I prayed and prayed and then she came out. Then they showed her the tooth, and her response? "you took my tooth out?! I thought he just was wiggling it! Huh, I didn't feel a thing!!" Thank you, Jesus! I cannot tell you the relief that came out of me at that moment! This was my answered prayer this week.

• By the way, Target was out of the Barbie Salon, went to Kohls next, they didn't have it either, but they had a great Melissa & Doug Food set, which she loves. Now we play restaurant non-stop. (she doesn't even play with her Barbies, so this worked out!) And we ate at the mall cafe court since it was so cold and rainy we just wanted to stay at the mall instead of running in and out of the rain. She had potato soup. The entire day didn't go according to my plan, and I couldn't be happier!

God is Good! All the Time!