Friday, October 16, 2009

I can't

One phone call can hold so much power and emotion and tilt your world on its axis.

  • Well, it was unexpected to say the least. We received a call yesterday looking for a place for 3 kids. She told me all the facts she could, I politely said I will be talking to my husband, and she said "I called him first." Me, "really? What did he say?" Her "He didn't know what to say, that's why we usually call the women first, I didn't mean to call him" Haha! I'll bet not! You have to know that Steve isn't a talker in the first place and then for him to get that call, I would have loved to have seen that as he sat at lunch unexpectedly with his co-workers. Anyway, the case was too much for us at this time. 3 kids 5 and under, many issues. Obviously not right for us as Steve's schedule is not yet where it needs to be for me to feel comfortable taking that on.
  • Here's where I struggle. Going into this program, I knew saying "no" would be my biggest challenge and that has proven to be true. Even this time, when it is so obvious, and I feel that God would have personally struck me down with lightening had I chosen to wimp out and say "yes, of course, I just want to help." That's great that I want to help and all, but knowing my limits is helping. And that is a tough lesson. I want nothing more than to open my door and say "Come on in! I will give you love and hope and all you ever could need" and yet, I can't. It will never ever get easy to say those words. I can't. I want to. I can't. It breaks my heart. But I am heeding his calling at this time. All I can say is I can't. But HE can.
Praying for those who won't be joining our family right now....


Bina said...

I, too, struggle with the eternal "wimp out and say 'yes'.." Wish it were easier to say no, but I guess that would keep us from relying on Him so much.

I just love your heart, my friend. Simple...Real...and oh so Beautiful! I, for one, am proud of you! :)

PS - u owe me email

steph said...

Hi Alicia, just wanted to let you know I have been thinking of you and praying for you through this.
He will keep showing you.


alicia said...

Thank you so much for offering up your prayers on my behalf...I am humbled.